to be angry with those parents who have let down their overweight dc

[frumplump]

Overweight parents who allow their own issues to destroy their own dc's good health, what are they thinking?

I overheard a heartbreaking conversation in a shop where an awkwardly fat teenage shop assistant was dispairing at how she was wasting the best years of her life because she had not learned to eat healthily from her parents.

She was saying she had low self esteem and wanted to lose weight desperately. Teenage girls have a difficult time at the best of times, it's just plain cruelty for her parents to have allowed her to become so unhealthily big. She found walking difficult ffs! They say parents will outlive their children. What's going on? How can parents be so cruel?

oh and lol at the start of your last post flum - I did mention earlier that perhaps you'd be off to family aerobics

Sorry FAQ I needn't have posted what I had been doing between posts but hell, why not, why should it be surprising, my dc love being active. They are aged between 7-13. I make the most of the free sessions as I never had the opportunities they have, so I'm learning something new too.

what's wrong in showing that you practice what you preach? Seems reasonable.

And as for free tennis- well what would have been posted if the OP had not said free- yes, flamed for being middle class, having too much money, not knowing how the other half lives. blah blah blah.

I have been overweight all my life so it feels normal to me. I was never told as a kid to eat less, I was told that I was 'big boned'.
Excercise is no fun because I have always been crap at sport. We did no exercise at home and school PE was torture. I joined a squash club years ago - guess how much I enjoyed being bottom of the bottom league. Even dancing or aerobics are no good because I am so uncoordinated
I don't know if part of my problem comes from a Catholic legacy. Nice girls don't do It so the best way to keep boys at bay is to be unattractive?
My mum was a minging cook (gristle? yuk) perhaps I found comfort later in the nice food I never had as a kid.
Our house wasn't happy I ran away from home as soon as I could. I never shed a tear when they died.
And I never lost the weight after DC2 which was partly due to not having a full nights sleep for four years and being a walking zombie.

My kids are solid but not excessively fat. They enjoy and are good at sport.

I'm actually quite honoured to be on a posting with you FAQ I haven't plucked up the courage to post before.

Even if you think my thinkings total shite

You wouldn't believe the number of parents that upon receiving the result of their child's growth screening which tells them their child is overweight and please call me if they would like help, support and advice just phone me to tell me to fuck off and mind my own business.

Oh yes Sidge, I believe you. At least it's better on the phone than being loomed over and prodded.
As for not discussing sensitive issues in public? Two vague thoughts occur.

One is that I've often overheard all sorts of conversations in public by bright young things with no volume control who seem unconcerned about the topic. Often over a mobile.
And secondly, my son sometimes attempts to justify unacceptable behaviour with 'It's the way my brain is wired, I have a social communication disorder' when in fact he is just being a prat of the teen male variety.
If you are big boned with low self esteem, that goes some way to alleviating the feeling that you could be more proactive about your own situation.

well tbh - even without the free - costing £12 would rule out the swimming for me - that's 3 days (healthy) meals for my family .

I'm sorry but I just found teh whole tone of the OP's post condescending and slightly ignorant of the issues. I thought that MN was a place where we could express differing opinion???

fatness is not like race. you're not born with it. people who say it's nothing to do with their diet are lying. flat people with slow metabolisms in auchwitz i dont think so.

Fat kids is therfore v.sad. time and time again i hear morons telling health visitors that they feed their 12 month olds crisps so they'll get used to them and not think crisps are an 'issue'? or see kids being handed shitty choc bar after shitty choc bar.

fat parents need to stop hiding behind their own self pity and learn what good eating means - since when were crisps part of an every day diet - people think its ok to eat several packets per day and then wonder why other people judge them.

this ex_FDA chief's book the end of overeating was in the times today. describes how food companies produce food squarely aimed at creating addictive behaviour in us. i was reading this as i tickled my fancy wth the a packet of crisps in john lewis...

easy to see how people want to pass on their repeated and real sensation of pleasure from processed foods to their loved ones, despite cold hard facts telling us its wrong'

I do practice what I preach but it is hard as I too SH was hopeless at sports and humiliatingly last to be picked for school teams.

I think bugger that, I don't want my dc to suffer that so when they express an interest (and it's free!!!) I'm all for it.

Interestingly enough, my mother was a poor cook, pressure cooked gristle on toast was my fare and again I thought, bugger that. Yummy homecooked food for my dc! (Not always I might add, and yes, we have all the usual junk in our house as I don't want them to develop a craving for it. (Forbidden food=gottahaveit_)

FAQ- you see, you are reacting to the posts emotionally all the time- just because the swimming or whatever costs whatever, and you cna't afford it, doesn't mean it is wrong or that the OP should keep quiet about it.

Tone is very subjective-and replies on these boards are dashed off in seconds without too much deep thought a lot of the time- but your tone implies you are envious and resent the OP being able to do things that you can't or won't.

Well I don't like to see fat kids either. But do you know what? After years of giving a balanced diet, encouraging fruit and veg eating, promoting exercise, I have 2 increasingly chubby DC. We are not talking obese, I'm not even sure that they would be overweight, but definitely no longer skinny. DS#1 and DD. Until they were about 9 they were like sticks - ate huge amts and were very active. All of a sudden they have started to put on weight. We've talked about it. They've agreed to cut back a bit. But I genuinely think it's a developmental thing - both DB and myself did the same - only to shoot upwards and get thin in our mid teens. If that isn't the case I really don't know what to do - I've only really controlled my weight through exercise (and low-carb eating in extremis). I will honestly don't know how to put my DC on a diet.

So it isn't all due to ignorance and laziness. OK

"Even if you think my thinkings total shite "

lol this is what I love about MN you can rip other peoples thinkings to shreds and still they can still have a little (tiny, microscopic) bit of respect for you.

I hope I've made it clear that it's the OP's posts and thinkings (to use her own words ) are "shite" (again her own words ) - not the OP

mrsmerry - I can assure you I have nothing to be personally emotive about with this issue - I have a DH that single handely moved a sofa out of a house and into a van (that didn't have a lift to help him) and lugged boxes that would take many men 2 people to carry on his own yesterday. I am 5ft and size 8/10, my DS's are built like rakes.........

It is the ISSUES that I'm emotive about (which is why I've decided to do this course so I can actually hopefully work in the fields of community social type care - bit vague I know but I'm still undecided as to which path I finally want to take - and put some of my emotions and research that I've done off my own back into practice ).

Yes it's clear.And yes. I respect everyone's opinions and I am pleased to have done this thread because Lisa, Hercate and others are truly inspirational and give me hope.

SH, you are not Stercus are you? Goodness how worried many of us have been about you if you are.

No I'm not stercus

I am thin and I am not health at all. This is not one of those 'I eat cream cakes all day and am still thin' posts . I have been really fit and healthy but I certainly am not now. So thin does not always = fit.

I have a friend who is a loving, devoted, wonderful mum. She spends far more time doing quality things with her DD than I do with my kids. She adores her and puts her whole being into raising her. But her DD is so overweight people stare. Friend is not huge, I suppose she is [medically] overweight but she looks fine to me.

Friend is totally blind to her DD's weight. The way she spoke about what she ate sounded so convincing I actually believed her. Then I was at her house when DD had a 'snack'. It was two packets of chocolate chip biscuits. It was obviously a regular thing and nothing out to the ordinary.

It taught me a lot about why kids get so big even when they have caring, loving parents.

Her DD does suffer and I cannot see how she will ever be anything but very obese. She is only 5 now. It will be ages before she has control over her own diet and I think we all know how hard it is to change your diet and lifestyle as an adult, let alone as a teenager.

Its very sad.

i think you should all read fat is a feminist issue - it's really good.

"This is not one of those 'I eat cream cakes all day and am still thin' posts "

mine was >

see I looked where you live and found that you can swim free

Yes Ivy, but not in Oxfordshire, aren't they lucky?

FAQ my love I will warn you now - do NOT be lulled into thinking you will always be this way. I too was one who could eat what I liked and it never seemed to affect my weight or size; until I hit 35. Sadly I wasn't prepared for it and didn't change my diet or my habits and have suffered for it. The only reason I am still a size 12 is because the manufacturers have been steadily increasing the dimensions of each size so that we don't all feel really shit about ourselves. My ancient clothes that I have just got rid of, a size 12 had a 27" waist. Couldn't get into that now without severe corsetry!

SO, I warn you now - start changing your habits before you get anywhere near 35 or it will be too late![grim stern look]

I know - but DS3 is terrified of the water - and I can't take them on my own as DS1 is 8 but a non-swimmer so I'd have 3 non-swimmers 8 and under - and despite about 15yrs of lessons on and off not a very strong swimmer myself - and neither is DH swimming is actually rather out of the question for now LOL.

Although we have filled in the form for the free swimming - just not able to use it yet

See where I am it is only over 60's, and old I may be to my dd's but not yet 60 If you can't swim at 60 you can have free lessons.

oh I'm not thumb - it took my 6yrs to lose the 5 stone I put on when I was pg with DS1 . (mind I did get pg again in the middle of that 6yr period).