to be angry with those parents who have let down their overweight dc

[frumplump]

Overweight parents who allow their own issues to destroy their own dc's good health, what are they thinking?

I overheard a heartbreaking conversation in a shop where an awkwardly fat teenage shop assistant was dispairing at how she was wasting the best years of her life because she had not learned to eat healthily from her parents.

She was saying she had low self esteem and wanted to lose weight desperately. Teenage girls have a difficult time at the best of times, it's just plain cruelty for her parents to have allowed her to become so unhealthily big. She found walking difficult ffs! They say parents will outlive their children. What's going on? How can parents be so cruel?

look I have been banished from a cycling weekend, due to a fall on friday -where I slipped on wet leaves and bounced on my arse hit a log with my spine and landed on my side! Painfull and not only can I not cycle this weekend to camp near Morton I cant go to the gym all next week

So I have been half sat on my arse all day (can do full arse sitting as it hurts to much)

So suffering - give my sympathy please

Probably why I am narky

lol @ half arse sitting

I don't really like all this "We do lots of sport" with the smug subtext of "which is why our children are slim". Having trekked around with DS all weekend (Friday night: cricket club night, Saturday morning: tennis club, Saturday afternoon: Laserzone party, Sunday all day: cricket festival). And he's still plump. How much more sport is it physically possible to do?

lol Quattro - I have the opposite - I have a relativel inactive DS who eats like and horse and is built like a rake .

And I'm a lazy cow really in terms of proper exercise and eat lots of crap once the DS's are in bed. Yet I stand there at the school gates next to mums several dress sizes larger than me, talking about their stuffed lentils and organic basil (ok not quite but I do know that they're hot on healthy food lol) bemoaning the fact that they're still struggling to lose the weight and they've just been to the gym for the 3rd time this week....

AND I know they're telling the truth.

Hear hear thumbwitch
"Diet foods" are for the most part nutritionally rubbish - and often contain aspartame.
Great post Hecate. Well done on your fantastic weight loss so far and good luck with keeping going.

I'm still a bit over the part:

"I overheard a heartbreaking conversation in a shop where an awkwardly fat teenage shop assistant was dispairing at how she was wasting the best years of her life because she had not learned to eat healthily from her parents.

She was saying she had low self esteem and wanted to lose weight desperately."

First of all, how many teenagers to you know that talk like that - indicating their parents didn't teach them to eat in a healthy manner and saying they have low self esteem?? In public - in a shop?? While working?? And that kind of implies she is approximately 16yrs, so isn't she in a position to make some food choices on her own? If she realises she is eating unhealthy foods and wants to lose weight, she is of an age to make informed choices - learn more about it and eat better. Frankly, I have my doubts about the conversation.

And no tennis for free anywhere near us either. Great project, but far from national in coverage.

Triggles, you'd be surprised how many children and teens can use the language that is used with them in schools. Maybe she was part of a group working on building self-esteem with a Learning mentor, perhaps they covered a range of sensitive issues in PSHCE with appropriate language.
My son can certainly discuss 'social communication disorders' and 'anger management issues' and the rest as confidently as any adult professional and he's 14.

mell- geetting fatter and getting older do not have to go hand in hand.

I am in my 50s and weigh withing 4 lbs of what I did when I was 21.

You just have to eat less and exercise more.

FAQ take that big chip off your shoulder and give the OP a break.

As usual, MN debates deteriorate when so many posters allow their own issues to cloud what should be a reasoned debate.

Goblinchild - I've got 2 adult children, so I know exactly how well they can discuss those types of things - but let's be serious - how many do you know that would be discussing this type of thing on the job where others can easily hear the whole discussion in public? Especially one that "has low self esteem" issues??

Personally, I think the OP had a soapbox she wanted to stand on and needed that "personal touch" to prove her point. A working mentor is not going to encourage them to discuss sensitive issues where all and sundry can hear and comment - such as a shopfloor.

what big chip? I'm not sure what I'm supposed to have a chip about -

and do you HONESTLY believe that the OP was started to be a "reasonable" debate??

A reasoned opening debate doesn't use such strong emotive language imo. The Op is "angry" - she labelled the parents "cruel".

The OP got my back up as well, simply because it was so bloody complacent. Childhood obesity is obviously a serious problem, but being smug and self-righteous isn't about to solve it. Most parents (not all, I know - some are abusive in the real sense of the term, not for a moment defending that) want to do the best they can for their kids. Helping them know exactly do that rather than tut-tutting might be a start.

People slate Jamie Oliver but at least he got off his backside and tried to highlight the problem, without dehumanising the people with it.

I want to know what issues I apparently ahve that are clouding my view of the OP's first post.......

You are right MrsM, not for all people but it often does. I think your metabolism changes post 35 and so will your body shape if modifications are not made. It is difficult to spot when the change happens and hard to reverse when it does because you have to eat less/exercise more just to stay still.

mell- I think you should make that 50+ post meno, not 35!!!!

I'm a school nurse.

Last week I phoned a mum whose daughter had been weighed and measured at school as part of her routine growth screening (she had missed it in reception).

She was nearly 9, was 150 cms tall and weighed 71 kgs. To put it another way that's less than 5 foot tall and over 11 stone. At 8.

Her mum told me she just has big bones, eats the same as the rest of the family and that it was probably just puppy fat. I spent over half an hour on the phone with her and have made an appointment to meet them both in school to explain why weighing 11 stone at 8 is not a good thing, and to offer support, written advice and to do a referral to a paediatric dietitian.

That was a good outcome. You wouldn't believe the number of parents that upon receiving the result of their child's growth screening which tells them their child is overweight and please call me if they would like help, support and advice just phone me to tell me to fuck off and mind my own business.

I think childhood obesity is a huge problem for society, probably partly resulting from our instant-reward, entitlement-demanding mentality which is now so prevalent.

FAQ- the issues you seem to have are that you are jumping on teh OP ever time she posts.

Why shouldn't she say she has been exercising with her kids? What's wrong with that?
If you care to interpretit as holier than thou- well that is your choice- and your problem. If you see it as being holier than thou, it implies you feel defensive in some way- no?

Sometimes it seems that certain members of MN cannot discuss anything with which they disagree without resorting to slagging off the poster in a personal manner.

FAQ- if you think that it's ok for parents not to feed their kids healthy food and try to encourage them to live a healthy lifetyle, fine- but why have a go at someone who has raised a very good point? At least it's worth talking about, which is more than can be said for some of the trivia that pops upon AIBU.

Back again and boy will I piss some of you off where I've been so won't say, just hello and very interesting comments.

Free tennis is in Oxfordshire (amongst other counties) but had a fun time despite being utterly crap and being shown up by the dc.

Some of you will have free swimming provided by the council which really annoys me as it cost well over £12 here for us as we haven't got a lot of money.

Anyway, why would the girl I'm talking about not be able to express herself pretty eloquently (she has a job after all?) That is some assumption! And Goblinchild, I think you're right.

As for not reading through the posts thoroughly, sorry but I'm darting in and out.

I would not of course add I made a homemade pizza for them (albeit dough from the breadmaker)because the piety might shoot me through the roof right?

Which would then make my suggestion of becoming a local mentor pretty nauseous wouldn't it.

Dc in bed now. I have learnt a lot though from this thread and actually I've read lots of FAQ threads and I've often found her astute and great reading, also Hercate,
MrsM, Quatt etc.

I also know very well what it's like to walk with the thighs chafing against each other so it's sore. I agree diet companies are terrible costing a fortune for sachets so that the weight just goes back on when the diet ends.

I also know how difficult it is to shake off family bad habits, my dh is foreign and the first thing his grandmother says when you go to her house is 'EAT EAT' and she is affronted if you don't.

It is an expression of love in many countries. But now we really have to take the fact seriously and face up to it. Our bad habits are going to cause untold misery to our dc, far worse than anything seen yet.

Young people should not have to suffer from our mistakes.

oh come on - she comes on and specifically attacks overweight parents of overweight children. I point out that the issues often run much deeper than just being "cruel".

She started accusing someone (not sure who as she never replied to my post asking her to clarify) of saying it was "fun" being fat

She then then came back (twice) to stress to us all how "healthy, fun" the swimming was (no shit sherlock - none of us posting on here would ever have guessed) and then telling us about the swimming. I can only presume her children are not still very young as my own DC would be too shattered after a fun session at the swimming pool to then go and play tennis.

They were (imo) snide comments about what a good job "she" is doing of keeping her family healthy.

ermm you sure it's been my threads your reading frumplump

"astute and great reading" - nah wrong person I think don't recognise that description of myself