to be angry with those parents who have let down their overweight dc

[frumplump]

Overweight parents who allow their own issues to destroy their own dc's good health, what are they thinking?

I overheard a heartbreaking conversation in a shop where an awkwardly fat teenage shop assistant was dispairing at how she was wasting the best years of her life because she had not learned to eat healthily from her parents.

She was saying she had low self esteem and wanted to lose weight desperately. Teenage girls have a difficult time at the best of times, it's just plain cruelty for her parents to have allowed her to become so unhealthily big. She found walking difficult ffs! They say parents will outlive their children. What's going on? How can parents be so cruel?

Frumplump, I'm really glad to hear that you are genuinely concerned and want to help

Perhaps try and consider things from this pov - in a free society in which individuals have the right to make their own choices, attacking them and condemining them for their actions is highly unlikely to persuade them to listen to you or to change their ways

I don't believe tackling endemic/familial obesity is something we can do in the short term, it needs a long-term even generational strategy

Yes its sad, yes its wrong but to get angry about it and attack and dismiss individuals because they don't make the same choices as you is also sad and wrong

all imo of course

Ah Pheebe so my morals of eating healthily (actually endorsed by the school and "mummy I've had my 5 a day!" pride they have)lacks a solid moral compass do they?

What utter tripe. Who's fostering hatred exactly? More tripe. Can we have a reasonable discussion about what can be done to help these dc when their own parents are actually failing them and are actually helping to ruin their lives?

I think that when children are fat both school and medical staff (GPs, school nurse) have a duty to call in the parents and advise them. This would be done is a child was seriously underweight. Let's stop worrying about offending people and start getting to the root of the issue.

If the DC is overweight then the parents are generally overweight too. The parents are not being cruel, they are eating as a family, in an unhealthy way. They won't change things unless they eat sensibly themselves. They need to set by example-I think they are onto a loser, in the long term, if they rigidly restrict their DCs diet but eat the wrong things themselves. DCs learn by example. The teenager in question would most likely have fat parents, so even if they had kept her on rice cakes and water it wouldn't have worked if they were eating chips and drinking coke.
She is old enough to take it into her own hands now-she can't blame her parents for ever.

Frumplump, read my post/s again. I did not criticise your eating habits in any way and at no point have a said obsesity and poor eating habits are acceptable.

The point I was trying to make was that not everyone makes the same parenting choices and no one is a perfect parent. I'm sure there are things I could find to criticise about your parenting choices and vice versa.

My comment about your moral compass was directed at your judgemental condemnation of a section of our society you find lacking

At this point I shall bow out as it is impossible to have any sort of reasonable discussion with someone who purposely misunderstands posts to further their own pov and, more importantly, my son just got up.

You lot are being simplistic.
We eat home-cooked food, vegetables, seldom have pub, all the healthy stuff but are overweight.
My colleague at work is a size 8 - probably looks perfect in your world - but lives on a diet of crisps and fizzy pop.

pub pud

Thank you posie and if this thread actually helps stop one parent from feeding their dc a packet of crisps and bar of choc this morning because they are now thinking that might not be a good idea after all, then well and good.

Tbh I don't think govt campaigns will have much impact and even the healthy eating campaigns at school are more or less preaching to the converted.

Would a govt subsidy on fruit and veg help do you think? Many people own low incomes find it cheaper to feed their dc junk, so would this be a step in the right direction?

Unfortunately from my own experience I have found overweight toddlers have never even been given a piece of fruit ot stick of carrot etc and so their tastebuds already mimic the parents.

it's bloody hard tbh.
i have serious weight issues and am def obese.
and dh had a jewish granny ('nuff said)
we both snack and eat far too mucu alot of the time.

We don't eat takaways 9too fatty and salty) or ready meals (ditto) but cook from scratch and eat really nice healthy food.. but too much of it and too much toast etc.

we work bloody hard woth our dcs to stop them having our own issues.
Not sure if it will work in the end- but so far they are both slim and fairly ft.

I do wonder re the excercsie- we do go to park at weekends, or swimming or soft play- but we don't have organised activities (theya re 5 and 3)
They do see us cycle to work..

I think it is strange but also try not to be judgemental...

but my mum allowed me to get fat, dh's granny actively encouraged overeating...
and i'm upset that over my teenage years i was fat, uni etc.

And it took until i was 35yrs old to have the courage/understanding to lose the weight.
(i've put a fair bi on since the kids, but not quite as bad as it was)

I look back at my life with regret that i was always the fat one and didn't always feel that i was taken seriously- especially in my relationship history.

so i see the OP's frustration, and that of the teenager.
but i also understand that it is bloody hard to see the wood for the trees when you are struggling with wieght.
I do't know what would have helped me 30yrs ago not to end up fat now- but i'd liek to have had some sort of chance

'you lot' doesn't include pheebe -she's nice.

Your portions are probably too big then shithappens. If you are eating the right amount of healthy food you can't be overweight. Either that or you don't get enough exercise. You have to exercise to expend the calories you take in. I want to eat more so I have already been out for a run this morning.

Great idea pisces. With the likes of frumpy pointing their finger at me do I really want to take my big, sweaty, red-faced, lumbering body out to pounds the streets so th neighbours can laugh at me? It's too embarrassing so I'll stay at home. It's the same at the gym - full of holier than thou, I'm skinny-you're not types. Hell on earth.

Oh here we go. Are you a journalist?

Fwiw the title gave me visions of letting ds down with a pin. Pfffffffffft

'Would a govt subsidy on fruit and veg help do you think? Many people own low incomes find it cheaper to feed their dc junk, so would this be a step in the right direction?'

There are already tokens

So, Frumplump, tell us what aspect of parenting you REALLY suck at, so we can all patronise YOU.

I think fruit and veg and most healthy stuff is cheaper tbh ready meals and pizzas etc are £££££££.My ds is 15 and has never been given any crap at home but eats it when out with his friends but that is something I can't dictate now but when he was little I had total say in his food.The culture of reward and only giving kids stuff they 'like'is to blame.Endless ads on tv for chicken in the shape of dinosaurs and potato and veg products thta bear no resemblance to the original item.I don't know what the answer is though as I think education has been tried My GPs surgery has endless leaflets and tbh most people know what is healthy.It is not just about the rubbish going into kids with these foods that stopped me but the thought of what they also weren't getting as most of the high fat food is also nutritionally deficient.I think a lot of parents need to say no

Riven that's sad indeed but it's a bit like walking into a family home and demanding that the parents don't smoke.

I'd love to do it but it crosses a boundary doesn't it.

OP's condescending generalisations don't really help either - in fact makes me very angry. and I don't even have an obese child.

YANBU- did you not know about the children who have been taken into care ( in the north east) because their parents allowed them to get so fat they were endangering their child's health? it was classed as neglect/abuse.

What I can't understand is why some educated middle class parents still have fat kids...they ought to know better.

I was a fat pre-teen due to sheer over eating- thankfully mum put me a diet of sensible eating and I have remained a size 8-10 from then on. Thanks mum.

Boundaries, smoundaries we are talking about a basic human right of good health.

When you have less money eating healthy is much harder work. Creating good tasting food out of a small budget is very skilled. Perhaps we should being back 'cookery' in schools, children cooking wholesome foods using pulses, fruit and vegetables.

I agree jumente, the assumption that overweight children are fed chocolate and crisps in front of the tv for breakfast is just wrong. Why assume that they parent in front of the tv because their children are overweight?

The only child I know that is fed on rubbish is as skinny as a rake.

Portion control is probably the issue alongside all sorts of problems with PE at school. It's the first thing that gets cancelled for play rehearsals etc.

So Posie what do you propose to do about the families who smoke? Or is that different?

I propose raids.

I struggled with my weight for years. It was only really after I had my dc that I got to a healthy weight and manage to maintain it with too much difficulty.

I definitely can trace my problems back to living at home, we did not over eat eg we did not really eat between meals at all but meal portion sizes were huge, Friday night was "treat" night when my Mum would buy huge family size bars of chocolate for us to eat and it was considered perfectly acceptable for me and my sister to get up and watch Saturday morning tv with unlimited access to the biscuit tin. Put it this way there were always biscuits in the house but fruit was more of a treat and we did not have free access to it.

Think it is small things like that that add up to the bigger problems. While we did not over eat to a massive extent the habits were poor and did not encourage healthy eating. Small things make all the difference.