To ask my sister to remove photo's of DC's from Facebook

[Sheeta]

At a party and lots of pictures were taken. She's put up photo's of her DD, along with pictures of my DC's onto Facebook. I kindly asked her to take them down, and she has, but now she's really pissed off with me.

Was I being unreasonable? I'm not that keen on the idea of pictures of the DC's online (even if they are friends only pages), and DH is totally against it (he hates the internet).

Is this what happens these days? Is it acceptable for people to put up pictures of your kids on the internet without even asking? I've got pics of her DD, but wouldn't ever dream of uploading them.

Am I alone? Would love the general consensus on this one...

I think if you don't want other people looking at pictures of your children the only solution is to ban people from taking pictures of your kids. Which is of course extreme and irrational, unless your children are in genuine danger from having their identity revealed.

They are your sisters pictures, taken at a party. She should be allowed to show them to whoever she wants.

So what if your kids are in them? Strangers see your children every day in the flesh when you take them outside. So what's the problem?

The good old media has done a great job of making people think 'photos of kids online = bad'

I can see why your sister thinks YABU.

x posts with you sheeta. It is the media hysteria seeping into the unconscious. The words 'kids' 'photos' 'online' have negative connotations. That's why you don't like the idea of it, without knowing really why.

If you think of it rationally, it's really not a problem!

Ok, so can anyone explain the point of facebook to me if you don't even know who your facebook friends are?

Or if you don't know whether or not you are someone else's facebook friend?

What is the frikking point?

Because there is a thread in active convos on this very subject right now.

Meemar - I will not shout, but my objection has nothing to do with fear of paedophiles, online security or anything else like that. For the 1000th time.

you know who your FB friends are, but the thing is that some people don't make their profiles private, and photo's can be seen by 'everybody' or 'friends of friends'

Ok!

I don't really get what the objection is though. Other than "I don't like Facebook". That's fine. You don't have to join. But your sister likes it and has.

If it's not about strangers seeing the pictures, what is it about, and how does it affect you?

that was to mintyy btw. Too many people with sisters who don't like facebook here tonight

meemars - I really don't know... maybe it's what I know about the net/previous experience with the weird ones online, who knows! Just as weird feeling which, the more I think about it, is totally unjustified.

The thing is... I totally reserve the right to have random dislike's of things that affect my kids. shrug don't need to explain myself (although if I could, I would!)

Can someone with a similar dislike of FB try and explain this one for me? Because I'm buggered if I can....

Alright then, what it boils down to, I suppose, is that whilst no-one owns a child, I am, for a short while, charged with making decisions for my children. My dc are not aware of Facebook and do not know the hundreds of people who could look at their pictures. I am the strongest link between them and the adult world, not my sister, therefore I think me or dh should be the ones who decide whether or not their pictures are available on line for people they don't know to see. They are definitely on display "Here's my niece and nephew" a picture of them both together, posing for the camera, not randomly snapped in the background at someone else's party ...

Mintyy - if you can be arsed, a count up of the YABU and the YABU would be awesome.

seriously though, there's some awesome photo's of me on FB from the weekend, and I'd love to share them with you all, but i'd be outed and then I'd be buggered [

mintyy - is the issue still the fact that it's online and that they are photos? Is it to do with people being able to choose to look at them without your consent?

I have pictures of my neices up on my living room wall. People that my brother doesn't know come to my house and can look at them.
If he asked me to take them down because he can't control who sees them I would think he was a bit strange. Is this any different?

You say your children aren't aware of facebook. That's true. But Facebook is just a medium for seeing the photos. Hundreds of thousands of people will see your children with their own eyes. Everytime you take them out people actually see them, not just their photo. You can't control that and why would you want to?

I still can't get my head around the objection really, but thanks for trying to explain !

meem - i'm really trying to think of a way to explain the objection.

Just out of interest, how old are you? I have a theory that people under 28 and people over about 35 have no problem with pics on FB, but it's my generation that has the ishoo ischue ishue fuck me, why can't I spell issue!

oh, there. it is

twat

I did my best but it still wasn't good enough for you Meemar. I can't do it any better.

Its ok, you really don't need to tell me that hundreds of people see my children every day. Did you think that maybe I was not aware of this? Anyway, its irrelevant in this context. You don't understand my argument and I don't understand yours so we will just have to agree to disagree.

I am fully aware that many people have no objection whatsoever. I am not trying to change their minds.

Sheeta re your op YANBU

thanks Yurtgirl (like your name, reminds me of a mad party )

I'm 35 - not sure how it fits into your theory

Mintyy, it wasn't that your response wasn't 'good enough'. I just was still unclear so was trying to understand more. Sorry if it upset you.

No, no, don't worry, not in the least bit upset .

Haven't read the whole thread but I think YABU. Firstly, the photos belong to your sister who, I believe, has the right to post them wherever she wishes, whether or not she has your permission. Of course, she could take your wishes into account but I don't think that she has any duty to do so.

Furthermore, I don't see why there's this paranoia over pictures of children being on the internet. Friends of friends on facebook are unlikely to plough through hundreds of photos of someone's children unless they know them well. There are always friends' photo albums coming up on Facebook and I rarely look at them. Your children are not going to be at risk simply because someone happens to glance at a picture of them.

I think, given the fact that most people now use a social medium such as facebook, Myspace or twitter, in conjunction with digital cameras, it's almost to be expected that photos will appear on the internet - either by email, or uploaded onto a site somewhere. If you are so adamant that you don't want this happening with pictures of your children, then I'd recommend that you don't allow their picture to be taken at all by any 3rd party.

oh, good. I hate upsetting people

RiSB - agreed. read the thread when you have time

wouldn't bother me. but she should respect your wishes and has no right to get arsey.

Sheeta - YANBU. It's a really interesting debate. I think for me the issue is the lack of control. Once an image is posted on the internet it's completely out of my hands who looks at it. I can control who comes into my house and looks at my photo albums. If I agree that a picture of my kids is going to be in a newspaper or in a school newsletter, I have a sense of the sort of audience it is going to get - and I've made a decision to accept that. But on the internet, the possibilities are endless. I've no problem with other people sharing photos online, but I don't want to do it. I do find it seriously odd that anyone should find this attitude unreasonable. It's so weird that people think 'sharing' is automatically 'good' and being private or sharing just with family and friends means you must be paranoid or something.

SL - very well said, thank you!

(and so to bed)

I think the issue that parents now need to try to deal with is the fact that posting things on the internet is now so prevalent, that it's almost to be expected whenever anyone takes a digital photograph.

I think it's taking a while to adjust to the medium of internet communication in this manner, especially since the changes are happening so quickly and there is a lack of control.

Maybe for me it's a non-issue since maybe I'm in the "Facebook Generation" age-group and have used it for years as a means of communicating.

I asked my niece and my sil to take off photos of me and my dc from facebook. Explained that I don't like photos of dc or me on the internet. I shouldn't have to explain the reasons why to them. I am a private person. I don't like everyone knowing what we are doing/where we have been. I am entitled to that. It is MY life.

They can put as many photos of themselves/their dc on there but not me and MY children.

Getting really tired with the paedopile argument on MN. It crops up with everything. Just because some people don't want to let their kids out at a young age or put their photos on Facebook does not mean it is a paedophile issue. Sometimes it is for other reasons.

Nothing to do with age. I am - with one or two exceptions - the oldest person on mumsnet and I have no problem with pictures on facebook.

Maybe I have seen so many changes in all sorts of ways in my life that I have learned to pick the things I worry about. And my brother - or anyone else in my social circle - being delighted enough with their relationship with my children to want to post pictures on their page in facebook is not one of them!