To ask my sister to remove photo's of DC's from Facebook

[Sheeta]

At a party and lots of pictures were taken. She's put up photo's of her DD, along with pictures of my DC's onto Facebook. I kindly asked her to take them down, and she has, but now she's really pissed off with me.

Was I being unreasonable? I'm not that keen on the idea of pictures of the DC's online (even if they are friends only pages), and DH is totally against it (he hates the internet).

Is this what happens these days? Is it acceptable for people to put up pictures of your kids on the internet without even asking? I've got pics of her DD, but wouldn't ever dream of uploading them.

Am I alone? Would love the general consensus on this one...

I can see that different people feel differently about having pictures on the internet.

And if someone asked me to remove any photos I would.

But I really can't see what could happen to my children by having photos of them anywhere.

The OP started the thread because she felt uncomfortable with the pics being on FB and wanted to explore that and find out what others throught.

Her comments have been reasonable throughout and she has now said that yes, she was being a bit unreasonable.

Personally, I don't have a problem with pics of my dcs on FB or anywhere else and think that people who do over-estimate the 'dangers' of the internet.

Solidgold's post wasn't nasty in a personal way, it was about cyber safety campaigners and I agreed with it.

Since reading Ben Eltons very good book "Blind Faith" where he has ridiculed the posting of pictures and video clips online ive not been so bad, I'll put the odd one or two pics up. Its not so much the dangers its more the fact is anyone really that interested in hundreds of pictures of the DC, most probably not!!
It would of been polite of your sister to ask you first.

Actually I think it's fine to have a go at paranoid whiny bucketheads who are actually contributing to social harm with all their preciousness. You are harming your own children by making out that everyone and everything is an awful threat, and you are harming the fabric of society by believing every piece of scaremongering crap you read in the tabloids, the point of which is to frighten you into conformity and obedience - oh and spending money on the latest 'protective' products. THe more people disengage their brains form any kind of logical thinking and either slobber sentimentally over myths of 'innocence' or howl and soil themselves in response to imaginary fears of strangers to the extent that they really do believe that *everyone else is an asylum-seeking terrorist peedafil possessed of magic powers to hunt down and destroy anyone they see a photo of, the worse a world we live in

'harming your own children'

YEs, actually. Byt smothering them, overprotecting them, convincing them that everyone else is a peedaphil or axe murderer and no one can be trusted, you do harm children. It makes them neurotic wusses incapable of healthy risk assessment or decision making.

for the millionth time, my request to my sister had nothing to do with anyone who comes under your heading of 'asylum-seeking terrorist peedafil possessed of magic powers '

I just don't like facebook.

Chill out!

Annoying when people don't read the threads properly isn't it?

Yus...

annoying when they can't spell paedophile as well. Takes the oomph out of their barking mad otherwise brilliant argument

"Imo the person wanting to upload pics should ask permission. "

I have a lot of pictures scattered about my home with lots of children in them - mine, relation's, friend's - some I don't know in group pictures on the beach or at the fair. Should I ask everyone's permission before I put them on my wall?

Seeker - how many hundreds of random strangers do you have roaming through your living room ? Your analogy is absurd.

Sheeta - deep breath
MP - luckily I don't mix in a wide social circle so it's not a concern for me and any facebook friends would ask permission before uploading photos of my child. Your situation is obviously different and works well for you.

Seeker - yes photos in a living room are different imo. Of course, this debate is all very subjective which is why I said imo

The pictures the Op was talking about were on friends only pages - exactly the same as my living room wall, in my opinion.

I don't really understand why some people turn into such vicious little bitches just because someone else chooses to do something different to them. Some people it would seem are just simply 'whiny bucketheads' who can't handle the fact that there are some of us who don't think the same way as them.

We are not actually contributing to social harm with our preciousness , we are simply just choosing not to post photos of our kids online.

We are not harming our own children by doing this becasue actually we are not making out that everyone and everything is an awful threat - we are just choosing not to put their pics on line.

We are not harming the fabric of society by believing every piece of scaremongering crap we read in the tabloids.... Er what...? I don't even fucking read the tabloids!!

I'm not frightened into conformity and obedience and I don't spend money on the latest 'protective' products.

It would appear to me Solidgoldbrass that you are exactly the type of person who needs to engage your brain with some kind of logical thinking! As far as I can see on this post no one here is howling or soiling themselves with fear. You however appear to be foaming at the mouth with you mindless, bullying slobbering nonsense.

I don't do facebook and I would not want other people putting identifiable pictures of my DC on it - if they are anonymous in a background so be it, if it a close up and their NAME appears,and they are identifiable by family association, thats a no-no in my opinion.

At school, Brownies etc we have to sign a form giving permission for them to use pictures of our DC online and in displays at hut/school

likewise the local paper taking photos of kids at school events has to get parental consent if they actually want to name the kids in the picture

i bet there are plenty of ADULTS out there who also wish their so called friends had not posted some of the pictures they have

Elliemama - and others - that's a very good post and you make some very good points. I don't know why I'm more uncomfortable with the online situation than with the real life but I am. When my children were little we didn't even have video so this sort of thing didn't arise but it is here now and it is a new social thing that requires new rules and etiquette.

When my daugher was 4-years-old she attended an informal dance group and some of the parents wanted to widen the group and advertise it to more parents - they intended to use a photograph including my daughter in their advertising (which was really putting a notice up in several local shops) but this wasn't done without my express consent because it involved a photograph of my daughter.

I fear that all these social networking sites have given us the means of communicating with many people but have robbed us of the skills of communication. If that makes me sound oldfashioned I really don't care. It is nothing to do with paedophiles but everything to do with manners and respect.

I thinkk this is more about treating children as possessions that nobody else is allowed to play with rather than paranoia.

I just looked on my niece facebook and there are pictures of my DD. I have no problem at all with that at all. DD is her cousin and part of her life, why shouldn't she put pictures on there.

Bruffin makes a great point, as did SouthMum. If you take a beautiful picture of your child or a family event, and a neighbour's child happens to stick her head in them or appear at the back of them and that neighbour is difficult about you using those pictures online, that's effectively ruined your chance to share the memory.

Personally, I use Facebook a lot because my friends and family are all over the world. I don't know that many people well locally so I AM one of those 'saddoes' that communicates a lot online.

My problem is that the anti people (assuming no restraining orders etc.) haven't given any more reason other than, "Because I don't want to" or "I feel uncomfortable about it"

I'm not going to call you paranoid or a buckethead. It's a newish technology (although I've been sharing pics online 15 years now!) But it's a shame to let this fear of the unknown or a fear of technology get in the way of what is rather a nice thing - sharing memories and events with friends. Why exactly do you feel uncomfortable with this while you don't mind your children being in stranger's wedding photos? (pawed over in all those albums!) or even in the local newspaper?

Way to go Ellie! If I didn't have to help dd finish making her Tudor House (year 3 project, yawn) before bedtime tonight I'd go through this thread and count up the yabus and the yanbus because I think this is an interesting question for our times. I'd also be very interested to know the ages of the posters - although that may be a red herring issue.

Elliemama - I heart you

And Seeker - it's fine if the pictures are on friends only pages, but so many people aren't clued up on privacy settings - my technically aware DH being one of them and as I said way back many posts ago, I've had some bizarre party shots appear from friends of friends.

another FB saga (wasn't there just one last week??). I'd say YABU not to expect this but YANBU to be annoyed at people just assuming they can post up pics of your DC without your consent.
With a photo album lying on a coffee table you can control who views the photos, this isn't as easy online...

Well i think you are being a bit unreasonable but then i'm quite blase about pictures of my dc's on the internet as long as there's no name/address info attached.

Also have noted that you're aware your feelings on the subject are a bit unreasonable and hey we're all entitled to our irrational dislikes.

Do agree with the poster though who said other people's photos are dull - afraid i'm only ever interested in admiring my own children so would happily photoshop others out of the photo if asked .

Out of interest why does your DH hate the internet - does he not use it? Or does he just dislike facebook - which i must confess i don't see the point of either.

Thank you Elliemama and others

EVERYBODY
I feel I need to clarify. I am not ignorant of the internet, or internet security. I'm new to facebook, so wasn't savvy in that respect but I used to run a website with a chat room, message board, and over 2000 hits a day.

On more than one occasion I was slightly lax with information I chose to share. It resulted in someone stalking me online, they found out my little sister's name, her school, my address and my parents address and emailed it all to me. This was 15 years ago, so I'm not a newbie at all of this either.

canttouchthis - I'm sorry to bore you with another facebook 'saga' it's my first and I haven't seen any on here before (yes, I know, how did I miss it... etc)

I am NOT concerned about pics on FB because of paedo's/axe-murderers/internet weirdey's...

If I'm completely honest, I don't know why i'm a bit odd about it. I can't put my finger on it, and if I could explain it I would. I know I'm not the only one as so many people have posted here agreeing with me!

Also - I've since realised (because of this thread, exactly why I posted it!!) that I maybe was being unreasonable.

The POINT of my post was not to explain about my dislike for FB, but to ask if IABU about asking my sister to remove pics of DS's/

traceybath - he's an IT professional. He knows his stuff and he knows just how unsecure pages like FB are. He loves the internet as a tool, and thinks that that's what it should be used for. Bit closed-minded perhaps and it's obviously rubbed off on me a bit