Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask my sister to remove photo's of DC's from Facebook

173 replies

Sheeta · 24/06/2009 12:46

At a party and lots of pictures were taken. She's put up photo's of her DD, along with pictures of my DC's onto Facebook. I kindly asked her to take them down, and she has, but now she's really pissed off with me.

Was I being unreasonable? I'm not that keen on the idea of pictures of the DC's online (even if they are friends only pages), and DH is totally against it (he hates the internet).

Is this what happens these days? Is it acceptable for people to put up pictures of your kids on the internet without even asking? I've got pics of her DD, but wouldn't ever dream of uploading them.

Am I alone? Would love the general consensus on this one...

OP posts:
Sassybeast · 24/06/2009 14:28

SolidGoldBrass - there are hundreds of looked after children in this country who are subject to court orders. It's not THAT unusual and protecting them is hard enough without having to worry about someone who doesn't know their back ground splashing their photos on a social networking site. To me it's fairly simple. If you want to share pictures of your childrens birthday parties etc, then use a photo sharing site which is password protected and which will only be viewed by the relevant people and not some irate family memebr who is desperately trying to find them.

Original poster
Sheeta · 24/06/2009 14:37

spiralqueen - that's exactly what it is.
she's got hundreds of photo's of her DD on her facebook. She's even got her OWN facebook. She's only a year old, it's a bit odd.

OP posts:
seeker · 24/06/2009 14:40

sassybeast, presumably Sheeta's sister knows whether the children concerned are "looked after" or not??

KingRolo · 24/06/2009 14:42

I thought the cyber safety campaigns were more to do with making older children and teens aware of the very real dangers in using chat rooms, not on the 'risks' of parents putting images of their young DCs at parties on friends-only access FB page.

onagar · 24/06/2009 14:43

Porcupine11, if they are that simplistic and paranoid then yes they are wrong. Though I think you will find a lot of emphasis on chatrooms etc where the child is in contact with the person.

The best way to stop all of this is to force all children to wear the burqa. They will then be totally safe from being photographed in the street and from all other abuse.

Why didn't we think of it before. You could sew them into them so they couldn't reveal what they look like. It will save all those kids who are subject to court orders too without making them stand out in school and the park.

KingRolo · 24/06/2009 14:56

"You could sew them into them so they couldn't reveal what they look like"

It's the logical answer isn't it?!

jette · 24/06/2009 15:03

Guess what?
There's nothing LESS interesting for most people than pictures of children who aren't theirs.

sweetnitanitro · 24/06/2009 15:12

You can make albums on facebook now where you can pick a list of people that can see it. I've got a family album like this so only my cousins can see group family pics. All of my other albums are 'friends only' and not 'friends of friends'.

Would you be happier if she did that?

mayorquimby · 24/06/2009 15:28

yabu especially if it's from a family party.

but the weirdest thing about this post is "he hates the internet"
how can your dh hate the internet?

Sassybeast · 24/06/2009 15:52

Seeker - presumably so yes. But the example of looked after children is one that can be used to explain why other parents/guardians may not be happy to have pictures of their kids splashed all over facebook and is in reponse to the slightly sneery tone of those who suggest that anyone who dares to be concerned about their privacy and that of their children is mad or paranoid.

megapixels · 24/06/2009 16:00

YANBU. It's your child and you can decide where you want their pictures to be. You don't need to justify it to anyone. It is also quite different to friends or family having photos of your dc in their homes. With FB someone on their list can copy or distribute the photos, in your home they can't. (not that I'm saying this is likely to happen!)

Personally I don't mind other people having photos of my kids on their FB, though I think it's only polite to ask first.

seeker · 24/06/2009 16:27

I hate this "It's your child" business. What about aunts, and grandparents and big brothers and sisters and great grannys and uncles and.....Don't they have rights too?

Original poster
Sheeta · 24/06/2009 16:30

hmm... I am now wondering if IABU.. I don't know. They are friends only photo's, and I did know that there were camera's around and didn't say anything at the time.

I don't appreciate the posts about paranoia though, they're a little uncalled for.

DH can hate the internet if he wants, and I can see his point. He sees the internet as a tool, not from the point of social networking.

I think the internet is genius and makes my life easier in many many ways (apart from FB of course, which I still think is the work of the devil )

OP posts:
Original poster
Sheeta · 24/06/2009 16:32

seeker - er, no. My child, my decision. Aunts/Uncles/Grandparents decisions don't overide those of the parents

OP posts:
seeker · 24/06/2009 16:34

No, their decisions don't over ride the wishes of the parents, of course - but they do have rights and I think should be allowed a bit of leeway.

Original poster
Sheeta · 24/06/2009 16:35

oh, of course..

tbh, it's my sister that's pissed me off. She's got a load of utter morons on her friends list and it's particular people I don't want nosing into family photo's. Easier to get her to remove the photo's than de-friend someone though.,

OP posts:
megapixels · 24/06/2009 18:00

Tbh I wouldn't dream of telling my sister (or any other family member) to not have my dc's pics on their facebook, it's only with friends that I expect to be asked. But IF I had a problem with it, like the OP does, I wouldn't really be interested in their rights to have the pics up, as I don't believe they have any.

OP, why don't you explain to your sister why you wanted them taken down. She could just change the settings so that that album is not visible to everyone on her list.

SolidGoldBrass · 24/06/2009 18:06

Actually, most 'cyber-safety' campaigners are ignorant, officious twats, backed up by people who have a vested interest in making everyone scared of the internet/each other. Quite a lot of 'Waaah, don;t trust the internet' comes from the same place as 'Waaah, don't trust those funny foreign neighbours, they might be terrorists' ie the Government does not like the idea of media that is hard to control, and this particular Government wants to exercise control over every aspect of everyone's lives.

Elliemama · 24/06/2009 18:19

This is total nonsense Seeker! 'I hate this "It's your child" business. What about aunts, and grandparents and big brothers and sisters and great grannys and uncles and.....Don't they have rights too?' - Er actually no they don't!!!

Parents have the duty and responsibility to protect their children how they see fit.

We don't have 'rights' over other people; our mothers, fathers, grandparents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts. So why do they have rights over our children?

To be honest I don't even think in terms of having rights over my own child... (children are not our property!) I have a duty of care towards him and the right to carry out this duty of care in the way me and my DH think is best for him. And yes people in my extended family can also take on a duty of care towards him too but they don't have they right to override the decisions we make. And in terms of the law they don't have any rights at all!!

The op does not have to justify why she doesn't want photos of her kids on face book. She is not being unreasonable.

seeker · 24/06/2009 18:36

I knew 'rights' was the wrong word. I like "duty of care"

I think that people in my extended family have a 'duty of care" towards my children. I also think that they are allowed to do things differently to me and I should - unless what they are doing is actually harmful - put up with it. They are my children - but they also are the children of the family.

zeke · 24/06/2009 18:57

I don't think she did anything wrong at all.

Now you have told her your wishes though she would be very wrong to do it again.

I don't understand why you have a problem with it either tbh. I presume you feel the same way about their photo appearing in the paper etc?

I teach in a large comp and a few parents have restrictions though as far as images are concerned. A few years ago we used to send our permission slips etc for image use but now most schools simply say you must tell THEM if you have any objections. I don't think any parent does at my son's primary school. It is certainly more unusual now than it was 5 years ago to object.

onagar · 24/06/2009 20:30

Sheeta, you were not being all that unreasonable. You were exploring how you felt about it. It was some of the other posts that sounded paranoid.

Original poster
Sheeta · 24/06/2009 21:08

ah, OK.. thanks for clarifying. Still being a little bit unreasonable though, eh?

I just don't like the idea of people I don't know peering at my kids online. not a paedo thing, just... bit odd, IYSWIM.

I've decided to let her post the photo's that have the kids in, on the basis that they're family photo's. I've been assured that they're friends only. There were other people there, My nieces other grandparents, for example, that will no doubt distribute the photo's in a similar way, and there is bugger all I can do about that, so no point getting all shitty about a couple of pictures.

(except I still am, a tiny bit...)

OP posts:
barnsleybelle · 24/06/2009 21:41

I still don't understand why your only concern is people " peering at your kids online"... when you have admitted that the wedding you are attending soon will have photos taken that you are ok with going on facebook.
Also you said you were happy for pictures in the paper.
Do people only "peer" at children online??
Those wedding pictures will be taken by any number of people who will show them to their friends, colleagues etc etc, and will likely be seen by a greater number of people than on your sisters facebook wall.

Elliemama · 25/06/2009 08:42

I wouldn't want pics of my kid online either to be honest and for no other reason than it doesn't feel right to me. I don't have to explain this to others, i have loads of friends who do put pics of their kids on face book, I don't demand they give me an explanation for their decision.

Sheeta is this actually more about your relationship with your sister? Is she used to getting her own way or just pissed off because you have inconvenienced her by asking her to take off photos? I think its normal to piss your sis off sometimes. God knows I piss mine off regularily!! hehe. I don't think you need to change your mind over this. She's prob already got over it anyway!!