To ask my sister to remove photo's of DC's from Facebook

[Sheeta]

At a party and lots of pictures were taken. She's put up photo's of her DD, along with pictures of my DC's onto Facebook. I kindly asked her to take them down, and she has, but now she's really pissed off with me.

Was I being unreasonable? I'm not that keen on the idea of pictures of the DC's online (even if they are friends only pages), and DH is totally against it (he hates the internet).

Is this what happens these days? Is it acceptable for people to put up pictures of your kids on the internet without even asking? I've got pics of her DD, but wouldn't ever dream of uploading them.

Am I alone? Would love the general consensus on this one...

I'm so glad it's not just me!

When the baby is born I will not be putting pictures of him/her online, and I will also ask my friends and family not to. I will also ask them not to send photographs by email. It's not about being abducted by paedophiles or anything like that.

I am not looking forward to explaining this to my family. My brother has hundreds of photos of my sister's children on his Facebook page, and will expect to do the same with mine. Everyone will think I am being weird, but I can live with that!

I thought it would be difficult to explain to my DH, but to my surprise he feels exactly the same.

barnsleybell - if you read the rest of my posts you'll see that I said there was no particular reason for my feeling about facebook, and I said I was being a hypocrite. I don't need to justify this, or explain my feelings about it! Read the rest of the thread.

Anyway... This whole thread has made me realise that I was being unreasonable and now my sister is putting the photo's back up!

I think one of the main problems isn't people looking at the photos, it's that it is so easy to save them out to the individual's computer. They then have that image until they decide to delete it.

Anyone who has a decent graphics package and knows how to use it can then do a lot of changes to that image. You know those 'funny' emails that do the rounds with people doing stupid and/or embarrassing things? Quite a lot of those have been altered, some very well so it's tricky to spot that it'been done.

One of the 'defences' that used to be used by paedophiles was that no child was harmed by the images they were looking at as the photos were composites. They must have got the photos to chop up into composite parts from somewhere.

There have also been two fairly recent cases that I've heard of where someone's personal photo has turned up in a different country being used in an advert, of which the person in the photo was completely unaware.

Obviously this doesn't just apply to Facebook and Facebook does have privacy settings if people choose to use them.

Elliemama - yes, I think you're right
We don't have the best relationship and tbh she was taking the piss. I've made it clear in the past that I'm not keen on personal details/images being made freely available on the internet (who is?!) yet she did this anyway. Think I was making a point for the sake of it, as it the way with us

YANBU - they are your children, you should have the final say where their pictures are displayed.

I share stacks of pictures of me and my kids. It doesn't really worry me but I can understand why you might feel uneasy about having pictures of your children up and I avoid tagging friends' children or using surnames.

It's a question of whether these fears are founded on anything though - if you've been stalked or subject to child protection, then there is a clear need to be cautious. Or if you have a facebook friend with horrible friends who make nasty comments, then that's an issue. But for most people, I really don't see any logical harm.

And I think there's a certain naivety at work here. At every birthday party my kids go to, there are stacks of cameras. As there are at every school event, dance event, sports event etc. They could end up in the paper or the way things are now, they'll most likely be digital and end up online. My kids' school sell dvds of dance recitals for example, that could easily be put online and absolutely nothing I can do about that. Here in the US, it seems to be rampant and everything is photographed and facebooked. My 5yo daughter's class has a blog with photos and videos. Before I left, it seemed the UK was going the same way. So I think it's a bit of a losing battle to think you have control over your child's image really.

I don't get this AT ALL.

I think if you are having worrying feelings about this sort of thing then you need to stop and ask yourself WHY and try and be a bit more calm and rational about it.

I also feel that it is actually slightly mad.

morningpaper - I don't know, it could perhaps be related to my anxiety/PND - who knows.

YABU. The bogey man is not going to steal into your house because of some random photo on the net.

Get a grip.

I personally would not like people to post pics of my child on the internet. I can't even explain why exactly - it's just an uncomfortable feeling. So imo you are not being unreasonable.

why are people getting nasty?!

I don't think the bogey man is going to steal into my house. I'm not an idiot!

YANB that U although I can't see there being too much problem with sharing pics of the children online (as long as it's secure enough). Saying that I did ask a friend to take pitures of my 2dds in the bath off Facebook.

YABU (but only a little). I think if anyone put photos of my DS on internet I would not like it particularly, however, logically I know that risk of anything bad happening as a result is minimal.

Also I am not a huge fan of putting everything about myself and my family on the internet. I find it quite weird that most people do. It has nothing to do with paedophiles or anything else I am just a fan of privacy.

Sheeta - don't worry. There are lots of folk on this thread who agree with you. It's only the ones who don't agree who have resorted to a bit of name calling and calls to 'get a grip'. Ignore and do what feels right for you and your kids.

I'm at the nasty comments from MP and Expat.

Oh, King, you forgot solidgold, too, in your list.

Me too

Why nasty? I was pointing out that it is apparently wholly irrational and agreeing with the person who said they would think their friends were a bit mad if they asked this

(Although the OP has seen that now, I think)

I'm astonished at the vitriol displayed towards people who do not want photos of their children displayed on facebook.

"get a grip" "slightly mad" ???

What exactly is so difficult to understand? My sister has put pictures of my children up on facebook and I don't like it but this has nothing whatsoever to do with paranoia over online security or paedophiles.

I plain don't like Facebook and don't like my children being part of it. When they are older and they have their own accounts I will just have to suck it up but, for now, I am the boss. Except I am not because my sister has got their pictures up for all to see. I'd be bloody pissed off if she put a picture of me up as well but I don't think she has ...

You really need to give a REASON I think

Because I would be really upset if someone said "can you take my photo down please. I don't have a reason."

unless they were looking particularly hideous

Why should she have to give a reason. Imo the person wanting to upload pics should ask permission.

yes, MP I have, although I misread your post to start with.

I have not accepted the evils of facebook. I will never put pics up myself, but I have to accept that the kids will appear in photo's at parties, events etc, and there's bugger all I can do to stop them.

shrugs

I upload pics from all sorts of things and places - last week from a friend's party. There were about 150 people there. Should I ask all their permissions?

mp - see prev post

Sheeta I think the conclusion is very sensible!