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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask my sister to remove photo's of DC's from Facebook

173 replies

Sheeta · 24/06/2009 12:46

At a party and lots of pictures were taken. She's put up photo's of her DD, along with pictures of my DC's onto Facebook. I kindly asked her to take them down, and she has, but now she's really pissed off with me.

Was I being unreasonable? I'm not that keen on the idea of pictures of the DC's online (even if they are friends only pages), and DH is totally against it (he hates the internet).

Is this what happens these days? Is it acceptable for people to put up pictures of your kids on the internet without even asking? I've got pics of her DD, but wouldn't ever dream of uploading them.

Am I alone? Would love the general consensus on this one...

OP posts:

Twopeasmum · 24/06/2009 13:36

YANBU The exact same thing happened with me and my sister. I objected more to the fact that she had a whole range of pictures of my DS & DD from birth upwards, without consulting me, AND they were in an album called 'My Babies'. She did change it eventually to only family or something which is fine.

I agree that if they are your children you should be asked permission to show the photos especially as their 'friends' may have absolutely nothing to do with you.

There are specific websites that you can load up photos of whatever you like and INVITE people to look. They are not available to everyone.

Def no need for her to get thr grumps.

porcupine11 · 24/06/2009 13:37

And: people need to be made aware of the privacy issues with using social sites. There are campaigns to change the assumption that it's just like having a photo album at home. I agree with Sassybeast - it's about privacy and respect, and fighting the 'what's the harm' attitude.

Original poster

Sheeta · 24/06/2009 13:41

tbh, i'm entirely sure why it bothers me, I just know that it does. I don't put photo's of them online, so why does someone else think it's OK for them to do so?

It's nothing to do with paedophiles searching for pictures on the net, it's to do with pictures of them being online at all.

I can see the merit on password protected image sites - THESE are just like online photo albums and ideal for sharing with family.

I've only just got into facebook, and maybe I don't get it or something, or am just old fashioned. Maybe I'm just a private person who doesn't get why you'd want to stick pictures of your kids online for all and sundry to see?

OP posts:

slayerette · 24/06/2009 13:42

poshsinglemum - what are the risks associated with having photos of children on social networking sites?

I think, OP, you are not being unreasonable if you also insist that your sister does not display photos of your children at home or at work - it might in that case be easier just to insist that your sister does not photograph your children at all.

Original poster

Sheeta · 24/06/2009 13:43

argh, I meant i'm NOT entirely sure why it bothers me. Whoops!

OP posts:

Meglet · 24/06/2009 13:45

yanbu. I have some photos of my dc's on facebook, but I think its inappropriate to put up photos of their friends too. If I have photos of them playing together I just e-mail a copy to their parents, not put it on fb for everyone to look at.

ooojimaflip · 24/06/2009 13:47

Both of YABU.
I don't think there is anything wrong with putting pictures of other peoples children online, legally, morally or for any other reason.

If someone asks me not to, or to take them down though I would do so happily and immedeatly, It's called politeness.

lal123 · 24/06/2009 13:47

I think YABU - I really can't see the harm in having pics on the internet - how is your privacy being invaded?

SolidGoldBrass · 24/06/2009 13:55

IN a rare situation like the one about the court order, family members and close friends would/should know the problem and deal with it.
Otherwise, peole should get the fuck over all this witless paranoia, or go out with bags over their heads. Remember, in a public place, anyone has the legal right to take photos that feature you and display them anywhere they choose (ie if you are in the background of someone else's holiday snap and they put it on Facebook or indeed on the front page of the Daily Mail you have no rights over the image).

barnsleybelle · 24/06/2009 13:57

sheeta In response to your question about why people put photo's on facebook.
For me, i have friends and family all over the world and it's quicker to put them on facebook. If I want to put pictures of say ds's birthday party on then of course there will be other children on them.

I may also take the same pictures into work, do you object to that too?

Maybe best not to let your dc be photographed if it does bother you.

Also, would you object to class photo's going in the local paper etc?

Original poster

Sheeta · 24/06/2009 13:57

LOL @ 'witless paranoia'

heh, I'm not witless OR paranoid, thank you

Interesting about the public place thing, I didn't know that (but was wondering).

OP posts:

SouthMum · 24/06/2009 13:59

In all seriousness than I would suggest you don't let anyone take any pics of your DC's as you can't control what everyone does with their pics unfortunately....

I agree though that your sis shouldn't really be cross with you. If someone asked me to take a pic off my FB page I would think they are being very anally retentive but would do as they ask.

DaisymooSteiner · 24/06/2009 14:01

Nobody has yet explained what the 'risks' are...

Original poster

Sheeta · 24/06/2009 14:01

barnsleybell - interesting. No, I wouldn't object to pictures at work, or a class photo in the local paper.

Like I said in another post, I'm not that sure why it bothers me. Currently trying to figure it out, which is why I started this thread

We're going to a wedding soon and the DC's will obviously be in photographs then, and I expect they will want to put some of these one facebook which, oddly, I don't think I'd object to.

I think I may be being a massive hypocrite and actually have a problem with the scummy people my sister has on her friends list, rather than facebook itself.

Still, DH would always insist that they came down

OP posts:

porcupine11 · 24/06/2009 14:02

slayerette - I've worked with an anti-bullying charity recently, and cyberbullying is one risk. Kids can track down family photos on the net and use them as the starting point for very personal bullying.

And it's been dismissed earlier in the post, but another risk is that of the information (names, places, hobbies etc) that can be gathered from photographs being used to 'groom' a child, as it can be used to gain their trust.

karala · 24/06/2009 14:02

YANBU - I don't know why it would bother me, but it would and I fully appreciate that there is no logic to that.

midnightexpress · 24/06/2009 14:04

YANBU. I only ever put pics of my own children up on FB, and always set to 'friends only'. I wouldn't put pics of other people's children up, especially without permission.

SouthMum · 24/06/2009 14:04

And at the risk of repeating myself I very much feel that this attitude is why so many places have stopped parents being able to take photos of their DCs.

I find it very sad that people can't see past the "my kid is in a photo and I didn't give my written permission it could be used" nonsense and see the pics for what they really are - a memory of an event in time that is meaningful to some people and the picture-taker wanting to share that memory.

KingRolo · 24/06/2009 14:07

This reminds me of the primary school in Essex that put massive yellow smilies over all the kids' faces on the school website photos, inadvertently making them look like something from a late 80s Acid House party.

onagar · 24/06/2009 14:16

What's to stop those bullies using their own mobile (they all seem to take photos now) of their victim?

As for grooming I'd think there would be easier ways than to play detective like that and it wouldn't just apply to pictures, but the mere fact that you have a child called fred would be a dangerous admission.

Also 99.99% of all the people on the internet live too far away to be a danger. The danger is that your kids will be seen by the staff in your local tesco or by teachers and bus drivers.

Elliemama · 24/06/2009 14:18

I don't know why some people get their knickers in such a twist about other people having a different view to themselves. They're your kids if you don't want pics of them on the internet then surely that's your right. The fact that your sis is upset about it just shows her inability to accept that you have a different point of view to her.

Itsjustafleshwound · 24/06/2009 14:18

For me it isn't so much the rudeness of the Op's sister in not asking for permission, it is more the distate I hsve for sites such as Facebook ...

I have little objection to having my children photographed, but would draw the line at having photos on the internet ... I can't really come up with good reasons why..

KingRolo · 24/06/2009 14:20

Bullies usually know their victims in real life - they go to school with them or live near them - they don't need to use the web to find things out.

porcupine11 · 24/06/2009 14:25

Yeah onagar, you must be right - better tell all those cyber-safety campaigners, including the government, that they're wasting their time; children are at no risk on the web and they should be concentrating on visits to Tesco instead

spiralqueen · 24/06/2009 14:26

YABU

No doubt your sister is peed off because her DD and your DC were in some of the same photos so she can't have those pictures of her DD on her Facebook page.

Southmum and onagar are both right in what they are saying. Presumably your sister hasn't included your DCs name and address?

The myths surrounding stranger danger are so destructive and lead to this kind of misplaced paranoia. It's having a huge negative impact on the quality of life of our children.

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