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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

ok...will try this again, aibu to be put off a school by the amount of children with SN?

658 replies

daftpunk · 22/06/2009 14:14

posted this in education, (Pre-school, like the twit that i am).....my ds is due to start secondary school in 2 years so we're looking around already, i am a bit put off by a school with lots of SN children, as SN also means behaviour problems....i'm not sure if i am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
treedelivery · 22/06/2009 17:00

I feel to say that SN means behaviour problems is heavily predjudiced.

Children in private schools have sn. And I knnow of 2 families who choose private because of their childrens complex needs They are 'statement kids'. I don't see your argument daftpunk.

FioFio · 22/06/2009 17:03

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bubblagirl · 22/06/2009 17:03

im more concerned about my sn child going to school and being disrupted by the nt children in his class he will easily settle with his support and the 2 unruly ones going round ripping work pushing children stamping on there toys and slamming doors into faces are the ones that worry me

my ds is polite and wonderful and gets no more stressed than any other child the only thing that makes him different is he has sn and needs more assistance but this is not for aggression this is to help him socialise yes he gets stressed yes he may disrupt at some point but it will be no more than any other child in the class

im lucky to have wonderful mums and my ds is friends with the boys who will be in his class the mums accept him for who he is on the outside you wouldn't know anything was wrong with him i tend not to tell too many people in fear there attitudes will be like yours i let them love him for him first then tell them so they don't get some warped image of him in there mind and luckily none have as they see him for the wonderful boy he is

cocolepew · 22/06/2009 17:05

My DD has SN. She got an A in her 11+, she got her report last Friday. It was the end of Key Stage 2 and she got the highest possible marks in English and Maths. She was marked well above average in science. She is hard working, honest, well behaved, empathetic and a good friend. We are sending her to our local high school rather than our grammar because we know they will be more sympathetic to her needs.
The grammar doesn't like to take children with SN.
Your son would be lucky to have someone like her in his school.

YABU but you knew that already.

Original poster
daftpunk · 22/06/2009 17:10

hereidrawtheline;

parents who choose private school do so for a number of reasons..one of them being the behaviour of alot of the pupils in comprehensives....and i don't blame them!

OP posts:
slightlycrumpled · 22/06/2009 17:11

Thankfully I don't know anyone with this opinion (I don't think) in RL as it would be very upsetting.

It is all about how a school deals with the children that have SEN/SN not the number as someone said earlier.

The school that DS1 and DS2(who is fully statemented) has just achieved an outstanding from OFSTED, so him being there clearly hasn't lowered their standards.

The thing is daftpunk, these comments are upsetting, and will make posters angry and quick to defend our children. Of course they will and you must have known that when you clicked 'post'. What on earth did you expect to be told?

HecatesTwopenceworth · 22/06/2009 17:12

bubbla - I am worried about that too. ds1 is getting to senior age now and the plan is for him to go to mainstream (with support). I find that I am worried about it to the point of crying! Will he be bullied, will he be left out, will he feel 'stupid', etc etc. I am so scared. I suppose it could be argued that I am being horrible to the nt kids by being so scared about what might be in store for my son.

ds2 is easier because it's very doubtful that he'd go to mainstream secondary.

treedelivery · 22/06/2009 17:14

Daftpunk - I'm sure your right, I'm sure they do, but what has that got to do with sn?

C'mon now - you can't really mean this?

TheHeathenOfSuburbia · 22/06/2009 17:15

To DP - all the mums of SN kids have read your OP as basically saying, "your kids aren't good enough to go to school with my son". So you can maybe see how they got a bit cross?

To everyone else! - I think DP often ends up in a minority of one on MN, but I also think she represents the thoughts a lot of people out there who aren't the MN type, IYSWIM?
If you'd no idea what SN or SEN meant, you might genuinely believe this 'excuse for bad behaviour' crap that gets flung around in the tabloids etc If you'd never heard of a TA or a statement, you'd maybe imagine that a class with a high % of SN would have just one teacher struggling to deal with a variety of issues with no support.

So in summary: DP. Not malicious, just ignorant. And there's a lot of it about, I suspect....

2shoes · 22/06/2009 17:17

TheHeathenOfSuburbia sorry I think you are wrong, as I said before dp is very knowledgeable about SN, she posts a lot on threads about it.

FioFio · 22/06/2009 17:18

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Original poster
daftpunk · 22/06/2009 17:18

treedelivery....i know i'm right.

SN also = behaviour problems.

listen, obv i would look into this more with the school, i just want the best for my dc....i dont want him held back....that's all.

OP posts:
Original poster
daftpunk · 22/06/2009 17:21

2shoes...what are you on about?...explain please... don't run away like you usually do.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 22/06/2009 17:21

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2shoes · 22/06/2009 17:22

you post a lot on threads about sn, so you must know a lot about sn.thats all

2shoes · 22/06/2009 17:22

riven dd doesn't either

Lulumama · 22/06/2009 17:22

can you explain and define what you mean by SN
as it is such a broad spectrum?

and then maybe we can actually get to the bottom of things

5inthebed · 22/06/2009 17:23

Dp, is your DS really all sweetness and light? I bet the sun shines out of his arse and rainbows emulate from his mouth when he talks.

What a load of twaddle. Really?

My DS2 has SN, ASD as it so happens, and several times the head at his MS school has commented that he is one of the best behaved children in the school.

So off you go, jog on!

Thunderduck · 22/06/2009 17:23

No SN does not = behavioural problems.

Some SN can mean behavioural problems depending on the child's particular SN and on the temperament of the child themselves but it doesn't have to.

There are a huge range of special needs out there, some are physical and have nothing at all to do with behavioural problems, others may be related to mental or emotional issues or delays but it doesn't guarantee that they'll have behavioural issues.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 22/06/2009 17:23

No, DP. don't you see - SN can mean behavioural problems
nt can mean behavioural problems
bad parenting can mean behavioural problems
teenage years can mean behavioural problems

Everyone wants the best for their child, that's not unreasonable. But you have this sn monster in your head. Kids with sn are.... kids with sn like..... kids with sn have....

you need to see people as individuals.

treedelivery · 22/06/2009 17:23

TheHeathen - you are very right. I think the defualt setting in this country is blame the different. And in other countries too. Anywhere humans get together probably

I know bugger all about sn, sen, sms, s&m, but I know enough to appreciate life and judge my own show before judging others.

But then I am a midwife and have seen so many 'happy bubbles' burst for so many reasons that I'm not goin to let anything take away my acceptance of people as they are. Ever.

plonker · 22/06/2009 17:24

YAB spectacularly U

By daftpunk on Mon 22-Jun-09 17:18:44

"SN also = behaviour problems."

What sort of bonehead statement is that?!

I feel sorry for you, and I feel sorry for your dc ...

cornsilk · 22/06/2009 17:25

When the needs of some SEN children are not met behavioural problems can occur. (Similarly G and T children can be disruptive if they aren't stretched.) This school is clearly very good at identifying SEN children which is a good thing for everyone.

bubblagirl · 22/06/2009 17:27

i think now days sn is published about enough for anyone to have an open mind to sn and more knowledge after all there are a lot of sn children about no one will ever say they haven't encountered one

its pure ignorance of people who have no knowledge of there child being different great for them but have an open mind for others who's adorable wonderful children are different most horror stories in school come from children being bullied by nt children not the class was disrupted by sn child

its pure nastiness of nt children that should worry anyone worry more about your own child's behaviour than another's

a child with sn and behavioural problems will be supported bullies are free to roam

Original poster
daftpunk · 22/06/2009 17:28

2shoes...i think i've posted on 2 special needs threads in the 18 months i've been here....how you remember them i don't know?

OP posts: