AIBU to have walked out of this job interview?

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Sorry this is so long. I went for an interview for a long-term temp.job last week.

I turned up at reception about 10 minutes early and explained I had a interview at 11.45 with J. the HR manager. While I was talking to the receptionist, a bloke who was walking past the desk stopped and stared at me. I smiled and said hello, but he blanked me and walked into the lift. I was a bit taken aback, but thought nothing more of it.

I was then met by a young girl who introduced herself as J's PA, who took me upstairs me to an empty office in the HR department, told me that J was still in a meeting and asked me to wait.

She left the door slightly ajar on her way out, and while I was waiting I heard a man and a woman talking as they walked down the corridor. The convo went as follows:

"J, are you interviewing temps this morning?"
"Yes, I'm due to see another at 11.45."
"Well don't bother. I've just seen the latest one in reception. Fucking hell, what a joke! I don't know what that agency is thinking of. Do you have any idea how old she is? She looks old enough to be my mother." (I am 48).
"Well, Mr H, the woman's come all this way, I really can't just tell her to......."
"Look just sort it will you? Tell her job's been filled or something. And have a word with that bloody agency will you?"

I heard him walk off, and the woman went into the office next door. I heard her say, "What? she's here already ? Where is she?

A minute later she came into the office where I was sitting. She looked really appalled. It must have been perfectly obvious I'd heard every word, because the door was open. I stood up and said "I don't think I want to waste your time or mine" and walked out. She made no attempt to speak to me or call me back.

My legs were so wobbly I don't know how I made it to the lift and I had to fight really hard not to burst into tears before I'd left the building. I was so shaken up I got myself a large G&T in a bar in Covent Garden and sat outside and smoked about 50 fags before I felt able to face the tube home.

I've been temping with this agency for a while. They've always had great feedback for me from previous employers and usually send me for more "senior" roles. I am very well presented at work. I wear expensive and fashionable office-smart clothes, have no grey hairs or wrinkles. People usually assume I'm younger than my 42 year old DH.

AIBU to feel utterly humiliated? I know I should be tougher and thank my lucky stars I didn't end up working there, but my self-esteem has just crashed to rock bottom. We went to a wedding yesterday and I was in tears before we left thinking that DH's mates would be laughing at me behind his back. (They weren't of course, and I had a lovely time.) But I'm worried that I'm feeling so fragile.

[5Foot5]

I have a cousin who, in her early 40s found herself out of a job and had quite a hard time finding something else. In her case some of the age discrimination she encountered came from other women.

She was given a telephone interview for one job and the young woman conducting the interview asked her age. When she said 42 the response was a very doubtful "Oh dear. I am not sure you would be able to manage as we have have a lot of stairs here"

[muffinmonster]

5foot5, at not being able to manage stairs at 42! Wonder if the poor girl is expecting to retire at 35?

[mamas12]

Stairs kbnjgaju??!!! my response would have been
Oh dear I'm sorry Im not sure I'd be able to cope with the lack of brain cells in this company!

[Heated]

MrsFlittersnoop, I was about to post a supportive message but I got diverted by your comment that all your mother's teeth fell out! Really?

This man must have some deep-seated insecurities; I'm guessing he still sleeps in his mother's bed with a night-light on. Please, please, please give me the firm's details so I can torment him place an order

[ampster]

YANBU at all, but of course you know that by now. I think you should let your husband do the online viral campaign against this company, frankly. The last time I temped (reception, advertising agencies) I was 25 and even then, quite often I would be the only non-blonde female at the company (I have red hair - probably that's a sacking offence to "Mr H", along with being over 30).
I think companies should be forced to do age, gender and race audits. But then I believe we should have quotas to ensure an equal number of female MPs as well. I believe I live in cloud cuckoo land.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Re my mother's teeth, not actually all of them, but she's lost a tooth and a crown and 4 fillings in the last 3 weeks. She's 80, and is living on porridge because she can't eat properly until she goes back to the dentist

I spoke to the agency manager yesterday and was told the company had phoned to say they no longer wanted to work with them. They weren't happy with the calibre of people sent for interview, and they complained that I had walked out before my interview!

I discovered that they have already sacked one temp who had started the job because she wasn't good enough.

Agency manager has asked to speak to the MD about my reasons for walking out and is waiting to hear back from him. She told HR it was because of a discussion I overheard about the temp interviews and about the agency, but didn't give them any more details at this stage.

The agency seem to feel that as the company have severed ties with them, there is no more they can do.

I will keep you updated.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Re my mother's teeth, not actually all of them, but she hasn't many left, and she's lost a tooth and a crown and 4 fillings in the last 3 weeks. She's 80, and is living on porridge because she can't eat properly until she goes back to the dentist

I spoke to the agency manager yesterday and was told the company had phoned to say they no longer wanted to work with them. They weren't happy with the calibre of the people sent for interview, and they complained that I had walked out before my interview!

I discovered that they had already sacked one temp who had started the job because she wasn't good enough.

Agency manager has asked to speak to the MD about my reasons for walking out and is waiting to hear back from him. She told HR it was because of a discussion I overheard about the temp interviews and about the agency, but didn't give them any more details at this stage.

The agency seem to feel that as the company have severed ties with them, there is no more they can do.

I will keep you updated.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Ooops!

[Saucepanman]

MrsSF I am also appalled on your behalf. Am I the only one trying to google to find these guys?! I am desperate to take a look at them. Any chance of a cryptic clue?!

On a serious note, will the agency report back to you when (if) they hear back from the sexist knobber? How do you feel now, do you feel inclined to keep going with this?

[lizziemun]

The thing is that agencies talk to each other so this company/MD behaviour will be passed between the agencies and they will be the ones to lose as agencies won't waste their time looking for good quality staff if this is how they behave.

FWIW I went for an interview at a company, but the FD could only see that I was 30yrs old and getting married at the end of the year and was fixated on me having children. He asked my 4/5 times about having children but only when we were alone, so there were no witness.

But his attitude came back and bit him on the bum. I didn't get the job as he employed a 19yr old with 'more experience' as i had been this type of work for 14yrs.

Any way they ended up employing a 2nd person to help as the person they had employed as she couldn't do the job. Oh and a year later she had a child and came back to work pg.

I know all this because my BIL works for the company.

[lizziemun]

The thing is that agencies talk to each other so this company/MD behaviour will be passed between the agencies and they will be the ones to lose as agencies won't waste their time looking for good quality staff if this is how they behave.

FWIW I went for an interview at a company, but the FD could only see that I was 30yrs old and getting married at the end of the year and was fixated on me having children. He asked my 4/5 times about having children but only when we were alone, so there were no witness.

But his attitude came back and bit him on the bum. I didn't get the job as he employed a 19yr old with 'more experience' as i had been this type of work for 14yrs.

Any way they ended up employing a 2nd person to help as the person they had employed as she couldn't do the job. Oh and a year later she had a child and came back to work pg.

I know all this because my BIL works for the company.

[welshone51]

Report the tosser and just be glad you havent got to work for him- You had a good escape there.

[PacificDogwood]

I would still write to the MD of the company like I said before, mainly for personal satisfaction, NOT because I would expect anything out of it.
Hope it all works out for you (and your mother's teeth

[Dior]

Companies only get away with treating people like this because it is too much trouble to do anything about it. I am angry on your behalf but also worried that all women of a certain age will be in the same boat if we just accept it.

[shockers]

I would write to him and tell him what you heard and just how it made you feel... I think he may feel very ashamed when faced with it in print and you will feel much better at having had the opportunity to vent your spleen.
However ashamed he may come to feel though... he is still a twat for saying those things in the first place.
I hope you get something worthy of your expertise ( that pays really, really well!)

[GrendelsMum]

I'm really angry on your behalf about this.

Did you say this man was the marketing director?

How about we do our best to push his company's website off the top Google ranking for their name and show an exposee of their hiring policies at the top of the search listings instead?

With the might of Mumsnet behind you, shouldn't be too difficult - and then of course there's a potential news story about women getting together in a recession to deal with ageist and sexist discrimination - sounds like a good story to me

Just indicate the name of the company here and we can get on the case...

[tonysoprano]

Absolutely GrendelsMum would be happy to help engineer the downfall of his company. How dare they. I walked out of an interview too a few months ago. The guy intrerviewing me briguht in someone else completely unrelated to the rolwe in question and when the new guy appeared it dawned on me that we used to work together 10 years previously and we hated each other!! he then went on to humilitate me at every single turn and I was so mortified that I got up and walked out. I too burst into teasr and was so irrationally upset by it so I c=really know how you feel. You just feel so shaken. Let's do something about it!!

[tonysoprano]

Absolutely GrendelsMum would be happy to help engineer the downfall of his company. How dare they. I walked out of an interview too a few months ago. The guy intrerviewing me briguht in someone else completely unrelated to the rolwe in question and when the new guy appeared it dawned on me that we used to work together 10 years previously and we hated each other!! he then went on to humilitate me at every single turn and I was so mortified that I got up and walked out. I too burst into tears and was so strangely upset by it so I really know how you feel. You just feel so shaken. Let's do something about it!!

[sunfleurs]

Name them and lets do something. This is awful and terrifying (I am 38 and due to various family reasons will probably have to temp when I do go back to work, London as well). I am not surprised you are feeling fragile now. He sounds absolutely disgusting and should be pulled up for it. If it was me I would be very tempted to make sure that this one did NOT go away - letters to individual, letters to more senior members of staff, letters to local paper and so on.

I used to be a Recruitment Consultant and I am ashamed to say we would have done anything to keep an account. Had this happened to one of my temps my remit would have been to calm her down, feed her a load of bull*hit, anything to keep the hourly rate rolling in.

[StealthPolarBear]

only read the OP and a few of the replies but well done for staying calm and dignified and making it clear at the time you weren't impressed.
Quite apart from the fact that what he said and did is wrong anyway, 48 isn't old!
He sounds like the kind of man who will have a mid life crisis at 37 and wreck his marriage and career - be pleased you only had to encounter him - he has to be a prat for the rest of his life!

[megapixels]

OMG I can't believe anyone could be such a horrible, useless prat. Well done for staying calm and walking out of there. I would have gone to pieces.

[squeaver]

Well it's quite obvious why they don't want to work with your agency any more, isn't it? They're hoping to get away with it.

In fact this is actually good for you and I would still seriously consider sending the "legal" letter outlined (by Blu I think?) earlier in the thread.

[NigellaTufnel]

Internet marketing consultancy in Covent Garden?

I give them six months in this environment.

What twatty marketing directors don't understand is that if they have these kind of attitudes, they will eventually show it to their clients.
Because no matter how much they want to think that everyone is cool and groovy like them, they will soon find out that a lot of people with the real power of budgets are - shockingly - over 35.

And if he feels comfortable talking like that to his staff, he WILL get drunk when out with clients and show his true colours.

Then it will be Goodnight Vienna.

Ha Ha Ha.

The most impressive people I have met in that industry don't give a toss about age. They are far too smart.

[CklarahAndMarbellasMum]

That is discrimination! Illegal! The fuckers! I think you should file for charges, myself, the fucking wankshite.

[fleetwoodmac]

I found this interesting, because really it is about humiliation in the workplace, especially women's humiliation. Temps can get it pretty bad, as i know.

IMO I don't think you really have a legal case. I would not expect my "agency" to do much - after all they have split loyalties and would like probably to keep a relationship with the company.

however, i think the remarks were shocking. i would not bother about taking it personally, however awful it was at the time.

but - i would complain in writing to the MD. The guy who made the comments sounds like a nasty snake, and nasty snakes need to be exposed, especially as it will cost you nothing (you never go the job anyway). I would CC to someone too (Human Resources?). One way of expressing your anger, demanding respect, and shitting on that little shit before he shits on someone else!

good luck, whatever you decide to do. BTW, I love being 47 and over the hill, i feel i do not have to put up with so much shit i can tell it how it is, i know more about the law, and the arrogant sexists and sociopaths who prowl the workplace... if only i'd known when i was younger