AIBU to have walked out of this job interview?

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Sorry this is so long. I went for an interview for a long-term temp.job last week.

I turned up at reception about 10 minutes early and explained I had a interview at 11.45 with J. the HR manager. While I was talking to the receptionist, a bloke who was walking past the desk stopped and stared at me. I smiled and said hello, but he blanked me and walked into the lift. I was a bit taken aback, but thought nothing more of it.

I was then met by a young girl who introduced herself as J's PA, who took me upstairs me to an empty office in the HR department, told me that J was still in a meeting and asked me to wait.

She left the door slightly ajar on her way out, and while I was waiting I heard a man and a woman talking as they walked down the corridor. The convo went as follows:

"J, are you interviewing temps this morning?"
"Yes, I'm due to see another at 11.45."
"Well don't bother. I've just seen the latest one in reception. Fucking hell, what a joke! I don't know what that agency is thinking of. Do you have any idea how old she is? She looks old enough to be my mother." (I am 48).
"Well, Mr H, the woman's come all this way, I really can't just tell her to......."
"Look just sort it will you? Tell her job's been filled or something. And have a word with that bloody agency will you?"

I heard him walk off, and the woman went into the office next door. I heard her say, "What? she's here already ? Where is she?

A minute later she came into the office where I was sitting. She looked really appalled. It must have been perfectly obvious I'd heard every word, because the door was open. I stood up and said "I don't think I want to waste your time or mine" and walked out. She made no attempt to speak to me or call me back.

My legs were so wobbly I don't know how I made it to the lift and I had to fight really hard not to burst into tears before I'd left the building. I was so shaken up I got myself a large G&T in a bar in Covent Garden and sat outside and smoked about 50 fags before I felt able to face the tube home.

I've been temping with this agency for a while. They've always had great feedback for me from previous employers and usually send me for more "senior" roles. I am very well presented at work. I wear expensive and fashionable office-smart clothes, have no grey hairs or wrinkles. People usually assume I'm younger than my 42 year old DH.

AIBU to feel utterly humiliated? I know I should be tougher and thank my lucky stars I didn't end up working there, but my self-esteem has just crashed to rock bottom. We went to a wedding yesterday and I was in tears before we left thinking that DH's mates would be laughing at me behind his back. (They weren't of course, and I had a lovely time.) But I'm worried that I'm feeling so fragile.

[BottySpottom]

Somehow I missed your update - well done!

[verygreenlawn]

Well done!

Can I just add two things though just in case anyone is in a similar situation. Firstly, the fact that the conversation was overheard/did not identify you does NOT mean that it would be poor evidence in a tribunal. Tribunals aren't bound by the same rules of evidence as other courts - they can take into account hearsay for example. Very few tribunal cases get to hear direct evidence of discrimination - most employers are a bit too savvy to say I'm not employing you because you're too old/too young/too black/too pregnant.

Secondly, you can use all sorts of other evidence to show a pattern of behaviour to prove your case - for eg. you could look at the ages of the temps previously hired. This happens lots in tribunals. When they notice that none of the recent temps hired are over 35, it starts to get noticed.

Actually I'm going to add a third thing - just think that at 29, this idiot only has a few more years in the game before he too is classed as old and past-it .....

[squeaver]

So pleased this worked out for you.

I suspect that more has gone on at the company than they are admitting i.e. the marketing director's had his arse severely kicked.

[donnymouse]

That was so awful.

[Tortington]

brill

[pinkfizzle]

Great result! Yipee!

[motherbeyond]

just seen update..hoorah!something good came out of it at least.one more thing....i bet the guy has a teeny tiny shlong and is horrible to evryone to make himself feel better about having a nub! reckon he goes home to a empty flat(no woman would have him),gets into the foetal position,and crys like a little girl,every night!

[motherbeyond]

Am really sorry for you.several insults for this man instantly sprang to mind,tit seemed to mild,gobshite didn't seem to cover it...i think,arse giblet may do the job?
Am fuming on your behalf.im a year older than this guy by the way,and in no way do i think you are 'old'! my mum turns 60 this year and i don't see her as old either.infact many people comment on how trendy/babelicious she is...am sure you are too!!!just so we're clear,i repeat..you,lovely sexy,intelligent lady.Him.... compete and utter ARSE GIBLET

[BottySpottom]

Meant 'rather than standing there scarlet'

[BottySpottom]

What a twunt. The irony is that had the company not got such an ageist culture they may have had an HR Manager with sufficient maturity to have attempted some damage limitation at least - rather that standing there scarlet.

I may return to work in a year or two, after 8 years out having babies. I naively hadn't realised that I would be up against that sort of attitude yet.

Good luck in your new role.

[SemperEadem]

I have come to this late but bloody hell - could not believe the twats for doing this. I work in HR and just cannot believe this sort of stuff - am on your behalf. Chin up and ignore the gits.

[SoupDragon]

[chortle]

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Soupdragon!

I already have cupboards full of age-defying cream and slather myself in the stuff head-to-toe!

And a packet of hair-dye indeed!

That's what my monthly visits to darling Barish at Indulgences Hair and Beauty Salon are for!

[TrillianAstrahasaJOB]

Of course she's taking the money!

Well done, glad the network/system/whatever it was worked for you this time

[SoupDragon]

Surely you should put the money towards some age-defying face cream and a packet of hair dye though.

[snigger]

[SoupDragon]

you did pretty damn well in this situation though

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Oh yes - I am taking the money!

It will pay for DS's day trip to Boulogne with the school next week .

Thanks again for all your support. With the benefit of hindsight, I realise now that my upset was NOT really caused by remarks about my age. I know I'm not a minging old gimmer, and even If I were, I'm not really shallow enough to let silly remarks made by silly boys get to me.

I just hated being forced into a confrontational situation where I was obliged to take a stand on principle. I don't DO confrontation in the workplace and find it very hard to be assertive in situations like this. Which probably explains why I'm still temping at the age of 48 .

[Madmentalbint]

What a result! I know he didn't admit exactly what happened, but at least he has apologised and offered to pay you. He's still an idiot but at least you haven't totally wasted your time. Make sure you buy something nice with your wages

[SoupDragon]

Are you taking the money?

Great result.

[CHOOGIRL]

Great Result

[MrsFlittersnoop]

I have an update for you all!

The agency manager rang me at home today (my day off). She spoke to the MD last week, who said he would look into the matter. He rang her back with the following story.

He admitted that an "indiscreet conversation" had taken place while I was waiting for my interview, but denied that I was the subject of the discussion. He said that it was a conversation initiated by the Marketing guy expressing his dissatisfaction with the candidates who had been sent so far (they had already got rid of one temp) and with the agency in general. He admitted that the conversation should never have occurred in a public place, i.e. the corridor.

The MD said he could understand how I might have misinterpreted what was being said (as IF? ) and sent his sincere apologies for causing me embarrassment.

Apparently he is going to speak to all the staff members involved to make sure they are aware of HR policies regarding confidentiaity, and to revise their policies where necessary.

He has offered to pay me a days wages through the agency to make up for my inconvenience and travel expenses. The agency manager said she was very surprised!

An interesting coda though - we discovered through friends that the MD of this company is a close business contact of one of DH's clients. They are both from the same close-knit immigrant community and attend the same Orthodox church with their families. DH had moaned to this guy about what had happened, and mentioned the name of the company. Coincidence maybe?

His client is far too discreet to spill the beans, and we wouldn't ask him outright. But I suspect the old boy network may have worked to our advantage for once!

[fleetwoodmac]

I found this interesting, because really it is about humiliation in the workplace, especially women's humiliation. Temps can get it pretty bad, as i know.

IMO I don't think you really have a legal case. I would not expect my "agency" to do much - after all they have split loyalties and would like probably to keep a relationship with the company.

however, i think the remarks were shocking. i would not bother about taking it personally, however awful it was at the time.

but - i would complain in writing to the MD. The guy who made the comments sounds like a nasty snake, and nasty snakes need to be exposed, especially as it will cost you nothing (you never go the job anyway). I would CC to someone too (Human Resources?). One way of expressing your anger, demanding respect, and shitting on that little shit before he shits on someone else!

good luck, whatever you decide to do. BTW, I love being 47 and over the hill, i feel i do not have to put up with so much shit i can tell it how it is, i know more about the law, and the arrogant sexists and sociopaths who prowl the workplace... if only i'd known when i was younger

[CklarahAndMarbellasMum]

That is discrimination! Illegal! The fuckers! I think you should file for charges, myself, the fucking wankshite.

[NigellaTufnel]

Internet marketing consultancy in Covent Garden?

I give them six months in this environment.

What twatty marketing directors don't understand is that if they have these kind of attitudes, they will eventually show it to their clients.
Because no matter how much they want to think that everyone is cool and groovy like them, they will soon find out that a lot of people with the real power of budgets are - shockingly - over 35.

And if he feels comfortable talking like that to his staff, he WILL get drunk when out with clients and show his true colours.

Then it will be Goodnight Vienna.

Ha Ha Ha.

The most impressive people I have met in that industry don't give a toss about age. They are far too smart.

[squeaver]

Well it's quite obvious why they don't want to work with your agency any more, isn't it? They're hoping to get away with it.

In fact this is actually good for you and I would still seriously consider sending the "legal" letter outlined (by Blu I think?) earlier in the thread.