AIBU to have walked out of this job interview?

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Sorry this is so long. I went for an interview for a long-term temp.job last week.

I turned up at reception about 10 minutes early and explained I had a interview at 11.45 with J. the HR manager. While I was talking to the receptionist, a bloke who was walking past the desk stopped and stared at me. I smiled and said hello, but he blanked me and walked into the lift. I was a bit taken aback, but thought nothing more of it.

I was then met by a young girl who introduced herself as J's PA, who took me upstairs me to an empty office in the HR department, told me that J was still in a meeting and asked me to wait.

She left the door slightly ajar on her way out, and while I was waiting I heard a man and a woman talking as they walked down the corridor. The convo went as follows:

"J, are you interviewing temps this morning?"
"Yes, I'm due to see another at 11.45."
"Well don't bother. I've just seen the latest one in reception. Fucking hell, what a joke! I don't know what that agency is thinking of. Do you have any idea how old she is? She looks old enough to be my mother." (I am 48).
"Well, Mr H, the woman's come all this way, I really can't just tell her to......."
"Look just sort it will you? Tell her job's been filled or something. And have a word with that bloody agency will you?"

I heard him walk off, and the woman went into the office next door. I heard her say, "What? she's here already ? Where is she?

A minute later she came into the office where I was sitting. She looked really appalled. It must have been perfectly obvious I'd heard every word, because the door was open. I stood up and said "I don't think I want to waste your time or mine" and walked out. She made no attempt to speak to me or call me back.

My legs were so wobbly I don't know how I made it to the lift and I had to fight really hard not to burst into tears before I'd left the building. I was so shaken up I got myself a large G&T in a bar in Covent Garden and sat outside and smoked about 50 fags before I felt able to face the tube home.

I've been temping with this agency for a while. They've always had great feedback for me from previous employers and usually send me for more "senior" roles. I am very well presented at work. I wear expensive and fashionable office-smart clothes, have no grey hairs or wrinkles. People usually assume I'm younger than my 42 year old DH.

AIBU to feel utterly humiliated? I know I should be tougher and thank my lucky stars I didn't end up working there, but my self-esteem has just crashed to rock bottom. We went to a wedding yesterday and I was in tears before we left thinking that DH's mates would be laughing at me behind his back. (They weren't of course, and I had a lovely time.) But I'm worried that I'm feeling so fragile.

[FairLadyRantALot]

that is just terrible OP...what a nasty twunt...

but you did the right thing, and wow, how dignified you did it...I would have welled up there and than...

but defintiely follow this up...it is totally unacceptable....any discrimination is unacceptable...

[blinder]

I'll bet this Mr H is a sexual predator in work looking for a bit of skirt to brighten his office. Don't worry that you don't fit his narrow and sexist criteria.

I agree that the onus will be on the company to refute your complaint. I imagine that every woman there would be glad to have this jerk called to account for his behaviour at work. I am hoping that his comments about you have already been reflected back to him as presenting a grave danger to the good name of their company.

Personally, I would be asking the MD for a formal letter of apology and information about the action the company is going to take, to prevent further discrimination in their recruitment. If I had no satisfaction from this, I would seriously think about escalating the complaint legally.

You had every right to a fair interview. This man's actions were illegal.

[ilovemydogandmrobama]

Good advice Blu

[warthog]

i'm with blu on this one.

[squeaver]

Excellent advice Blu

[PacificDogwood]

I am soooo impressed how calm you remained.

I think a formal complaint in writing to J's immediate boss is entirely in order.

YAN at all BU.

[ICouldKillMyExThisMinute]

Please complain, please do. It is not about getting the idiot man into trouble but about showing respect for yourself.

A few years ago I had a very direct nasty comment about my race and country. It touched certain insecurities and left me feeling very insecure. It took me years to climb out of that hole.

A few months later, some one attacked me in the street, I punched the guy in the face. Curiously enough, I continue to feel safe in the street despite the incident.

If you leave it, it will haunt you for a time. Complain to the company, demand an apology. You owe it to yourself, to keep your well deserved confidence.

[giraffesCantRunA10k]

OMG how awful that you had to experience that What a complete bastard - he clearly has a tiny dick and 0 personality so attempts to make himself feel better by putting down others. You are 10x the person he is.

[QuintessentialShadow]

Great advice from Blu and Ewe.

I am really on your behalf.

[chegirl]

Bastard bastard bastard.

Name name name name !!!!

Can we have a link to his website purleeeeezzze.

Imagine his horror at his email being inundated with messages from fucking old crones like us.

Seriously though - you DID hear what he said so why not write to the CEO?

Blu is being very sensible (I am not).

[theyoungvisiter]

Am completely, utterly appalled on your behalf.

Whatever you do you absolutely must, must, must write a letter to the MD of the company and their head of PR explaining what you overheard and inviting them to consider the word of mouth effect this kind of behaviour will be having on clients and recruitment.

Explain that although you are probably the first person to complain about this to their faces, you will undoubtedly not be the first person (employee or client) to have noticed attitudes within the company.

I can understand your not wanting to take legal action, given that it was all their word against yours. But at the very least I would want Mr H to get an internal bollocking and (hopefully) a grovelling letter by return.

[saintlydamemrsturnip]

Blu's wording brilliant. The threat of an age discrimination
case should land mr 29 year old in hot water. Enjoy it.

[dilemma456]

Message withdrawn

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Well, thank you everyone! I'm sitting here feeling blown away by all your kind words.

I WILL be taking things further with the agency on Monday. The office manager and the temp controller were out of the office on Friday.

Problem is, another member of staff rang me late Friday afternoon and offered me another temp role starting tomorrow (without an interview ). The job is part-time and v. dull, but it is local, and TBH will suit me very well. I really don't want to blow out this agency, I've been looking for a permanent full time job for ages, and they are the only people who've consistently offered me any work. We are hoping to move out of London shortly, and I REALLY need a good reference from them because I will need to look for a job as soon as we move.

I'm going to wait and speak to the manager before I do anything else. I have a close relationship with the temp controller, we've had many discussions about how screwed up the recuitment industry is ATM, and I know they have laid off four staff in the last 6 months . I'm very aware that they are in a difficult situation.

DH has been threatening all sorts of tecchie -type revenge such as hacking into the website, viral online campaigns etc. He has a very vengeful side to his personality. Bless - he's very loyal .

I know this sounds daft, but I felt SO SO sorry for the HR manager. She was even younger than Mr Twat-face, (mid 20's) and obviously had no idea how to deal with the situation. She looked like a rabbit frozen in the headlights and was scarlet with embarrassment. If it hadn't been for her I'd have kicked up far more of a fuss and insisted on phoning the agency in front of her etc.

DH says I'm far to nesh for my own good .

[hereidrawtheline]

I want to add as well because I dont think it has specifically been stated yet -

firstly no one say because I am American I am crying sue because I am not like that! But the fact is part of your descrimination claim will include loss of potential wages.

Clearly you are looking for work otherwise you wouldnt have been there. And this horrible man descriminated and made you feel so bad you left in tears. Had you been 10 years younger you might have had that job and the income it provided. That is nothing to take lightly. I know I for one need money and losing out on a job because of your age is totally shit and bonkers.

[warthog]

sorry - but i'm not sure what the agency has to do with it. why involve them?

[snapple]

How upsetting.

How tempting it would be to release the Marketing Manager and HR Managers emails - just imagine an entire army of mumsnetters running a successful viral marketing campaign against the company.... but seriously MrsFlittersnoop you did the right thing by leaving.

If you had complained after an interview had taken place, then they might have tried to wrangle it with how your interview responses were not suitable for the role.

I would write to the MD - this is age discrimination and could be linked to sex discrimination, it just might help someone else from having to encounter the same scenario.

They can try deny and lie, but it will take some energy on their part and perhaps costly consultation with a lawyer as to how they try avoid a potentially costly and reputation damaging age discrimination claim.

Best of luck with finding a good employer out there! - you can do better and you will!

[Ewe]

warthog - it is the agencies responsibility to either 1) educate the client on current legislation or 2) not work with them again.

I would not want to work with a client like this, it would put my reputation and credibility at stake.

The big complaint should go to the CEO of the client though, it would be taken very seriously - and rightly so!

Just because the recruitment market is dire at the moment doesn't mean that employers get to break the law and all good practice codes of conduct. It is a disgrace the way they have behaved and the should be held accountable IMO, even if that is only means apologising profusely to the OP and ensuring it will be dealt with internally.

[Kimi]

Mr H probably wants some air head bimbo he can dip his dick in to.

Complain and bloody loudly too.

Can you imagine if he said I don't want her cause she is black, Muslim, only has one arm, is gay etc etc man is a fuckwit

[Saltire]

I have visions of mumsnetter googling all the itnernet marketing companies now trying find out who it is.

What happened to you was truly awful. I'm glad you feel able to write a letter and you handled it better than I would have, I'd probably have burst into tears ont eh spot

[spicemonster]

I really think you should write. I want that bloke to be sweating about the possibility of you bringing an age discrimination case against the company, even if you have no intention of following it through. You owe it not only to yourself but to all us older women who are trying to find jobs in a difficult market. And I want that twunt to be having a few sleepless nights over his appalling behaviour.

[ICouldKillMyExThisMinute]

I would not make a big fuss with the agency, probably just mention what has happened. You need them to keep the work coming.

[warthog]

i see ewe...

awkward situation then because you don't want your agency to lose business or you to lose work with them.

[snapple]

An HR Manager, no matter what age, should understand the basic ethics of HR include recruiting and developing staff by ensuring no candidate for recruitment or for promotion is discriminated against or receives less opportunity for advancement or less favourable treatment on the grounds of age, sex, ethnic origin and so on.

It is also good business sense.

Good HR Managers and interviewers also understand the effort candidates go to prepare at interview, from travelling costs, how it is difficult going to interviews, and how interview feedback can impact on self esteem.

Employment Agencies also have a duty, even in tough economic times not to discriminate, so it will interesting how your agency handles this.

As others have noted a private letter calmly drafted letter to the MD of the company should be strongly considered. You could ask for copies of their recruitment and selection policy.

You have the right not to be victimised for making a complaint so it should not impact future job chances.

Either way - stay strong with your other interviews and I wish you the very best of luck.

[MiniMarmite]

Glad you are taking it further.

YANBU!!!!!!!!

I'm just