AIBU to have walked out of this job interview?

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Sorry this is so long. I went for an interview for a long-term temp.job last week.

I turned up at reception about 10 minutes early and explained I had a interview at 11.45 with J. the HR manager. While I was talking to the receptionist, a bloke who was walking past the desk stopped and stared at me. I smiled and said hello, but he blanked me and walked into the lift. I was a bit taken aback, but thought nothing more of it.

I was then met by a young girl who introduced herself as J's PA, who took me upstairs me to an empty office in the HR department, told me that J was still in a meeting and asked me to wait.

She left the door slightly ajar on her way out, and while I was waiting I heard a man and a woman talking as they walked down the corridor. The convo went as follows:

"J, are you interviewing temps this morning?"
"Yes, I'm due to see another at 11.45."
"Well don't bother. I've just seen the latest one in reception. Fucking hell, what a joke! I don't know what that agency is thinking of. Do you have any idea how old she is? She looks old enough to be my mother." (I am 48).
"Well, Mr H, the woman's come all this way, I really can't just tell her to......."
"Look just sort it will you? Tell her job's been filled or something. And have a word with that bloody agency will you?"

I heard him walk off, and the woman went into the office next door. I heard her say, "What? she's here already ? Where is she?

A minute later she came into the office where I was sitting. She looked really appalled. It must have been perfectly obvious I'd heard every word, because the door was open. I stood up and said "I don't think I want to waste your time or mine" and walked out. She made no attempt to speak to me or call me back.

My legs were so wobbly I don't know how I made it to the lift and I had to fight really hard not to burst into tears before I'd left the building. I was so shaken up I got myself a large G&T in a bar in Covent Garden and sat outside and smoked about 50 fags before I felt able to face the tube home.

I've been temping with this agency for a while. They've always had great feedback for me from previous employers and usually send me for more "senior" roles. I am very well presented at work. I wear expensive and fashionable office-smart clothes, have no grey hairs or wrinkles. People usually assume I'm younger than my 42 year old DH.

AIBU to feel utterly humiliated? I know I should be tougher and thank my lucky stars I didn't end up working there, but my self-esteem has just crashed to rock bottom. We went to a wedding yesterday and I was in tears before we left thinking that DH's mates would be laughing at me behind his back. (They weren't of course, and I had a lovely time.) But I'm worried that I'm feeling so fragile.

[PuppyMonkey]

Why would you be risking legal action for naming and shaming? If it happened as you say (in front of witnesses), they can't sue you for libel or anything.

I would be naming and shaming in front of a journalist at my local newspaper too.

[Thunderduck]

I'd write to both the agency and the company.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Agencies are usually well aware when a dolly-bird is required. They will tell me that I'm overqualified for the role or that I won't find it "challenging" enough and will get bored. These are the usual euphemisms for "you're too fucking geriatric".

I also avoid jobs requiring a "bubbly personality" for the same reasons!

[TheCrackFox]

He is the Marketing Director of an internet marketing consultancy, yet is such a dumbass that he can't work out his actions can be discussed all over the internet within minutes?

With him in charge I would imagine that the company will no longer exist this time next year.

What a cock!

[hereidrawtheline]

I am so furious on your behalf. That is really horrible. He is scum of the earth to behave like that.

You really must write to the most senior member of staff there and/or name and shame in the press. That is just wrong and there needs to be a penalty for it. I am so gutted for you but dont take it as any reflection on yourself.

[MrsFlittersnoop]

Well, I ran the scenario passed a lawyer friend of DH's at the wedding yesterday. He seemed to think there was no way I could prove anything because the conversation was overheard so I couldn't identify who was talking, or prove that I was the subject of the discussion. No witnesses.

[MaggieBeau]

omg. write a stinking letter of complaint to anybody who will listen. You're not doing it just for yourself, you'll be doing it for all of us. By the time I re-enter the work place i'll be 41, so please, do it for me too.

[Tryharder]

I wouldn't leave it Ilovemydog.

Write to the Evening Standard/Metro, name and shame, complain to the MD, see a solicitor/CAB... whatever, but DO SOMETHING otherwise this prick will consider himself forever justified in selecting employers presumably on the basis of whether or not he'd shag them.

What gives people the right to make such a base judgement on someone's age or looks or indeed anything else other than their ability to do the job?

If the OP had been black and this person had refused to interview her on that basis, we would all be telling her to go the police! What's the difference, here really? Age discrimation is illegal isn't it?

[Tryharder]

Just thought, I have said "If the OP had been black" - sorry I have assumed the OP is white which she may well not be. Hope noone offended, sorry all.

[MrsBonJovi]

I would be writing to Mr H himself and telling him that he is lucky he didnt have a age discrimation suit against him. Also remind him that yes you may also be age enough to be his mother as he put it but you also have many years of work and life experience that fortunately you will now not be sharing with his company.

[mamas12]

How would his mother feel if someone treated her like that.

Plead op write to the company md and hr and demand and apology at least and ask them to put him on some courses to update this jerks sadly lacking education

[MaggieBeau]

Exactly, why do we go to school if we're going to be hired on the basis of how fuckable we are out of ten.

[hereidrawtheline]

Dont worry Tryharder, I read what you said as that if the man had used race as his discriminating reason it would be perceived in a more extreme way.

[Thingiebob]

Complain to the agency - tell them what happened. Tell them you overheard this conversation. Perhaps they will write a letter to them informing them about age discrimination.

Try not to let this affect your self esteem. Why SHOULD you feel bad about being old enough to be his mother anyway? The guy is obviously a dick who wants staff that are all very young. This is no reflection on you or you skills whatsoever. This is a knob of a man who thinks he can decide the age of his staff. He shouldn't be allowed to get away with this. Sometimes revenge IS the best medicine!

[LovelyTinOfSpam]

No advice but the bloke is a nobbish fuckwit of the highest order, if it helps I can guarantee that his wife/girlfriend secretly abhors him and his children only love him for his money. He will spend his days unloved and lonely. I guarantee it

Please don't be too upset.

[hereidrawtheline]

lovelytinofspam LOL you are indeed very right.

[foxinsocks]

Blud Dee Hell

I doubt the agency will do anything (as they'll be keen to stay on side with the company to get their business, no matter what they say to you).

I would also write to the CEO of the company and complain. Tell him exactly what happened and how upset you were. Age discrimination is no laughing matter and despite you not being able to see the people talking, I guarantee you could identify their voices if you had to. I'm not saying you should sue but I would give them a fright at least.

[FabBakerGirlIsBack]

I definitely think you need to take this further.

I don't hold much hope of your agency doing anything but I would make a call to the local paper.

[squeaver]

Seriously, I think you should name them. If they're a web marketing company they'll be googling themselves all bloody day long.

Or take a look at their client list, then email a link to this thread to their clients.

[squeaver]

And have you told your agency?

[kitbit]

Ah, so he thought "temp" means "files nails and looks pretty but gormless"? Be glad you¡re not going to work there, you'd have spent all your time fighting off his smutty remarks. What a pillock.

He has clearly not gone beyond the times in which temps were fill-in staff and not usually very good, to times where the interim staff you get can actually do the job properly.

for you and for god's sake take no notice! Did you get a look at him? Bet he's eaten all the pies.

[Ewe]

MrsF, that is appalling! I recruit in this sector and certain agencies are known for only employing young attractive women but it is totally unacceptable to discriminate like this.

I would be writing a letter to the MD of the company and the recruitment consultancy/search firm (hope it isn't the one I work for!). I think you would have a case for age discrimination as it is such new legislation there are very few test cases.

We have had people to attempt to instigate legal proceedings due to the word bubbly in an advert (it is indeed against legislation requirements) so I can't think why you wouldn't be able to for blatant discrimination. The onus is on the employer to prove that they don't discriminate, not you that they do.

I understand if you don't want to do that however but please do complain. Really, really don't feel it is a reflection on you, I can think of a couple of companies where this type of behaviour is the norm and to be honest, they miss out on the best candidates ultimately.

[Madmentalbint]

YANBU

I really hope you'll take this further. He deserves to be shown up as the total dick that he is.

[Blu]

I would write a calm formal letter headed 'without prejudice' and simply say that they will have noticed that though you were invited for interview on such and such a date, they will be aware that you did not stay for the interview. that despite having been invited for interview because you met the criteria of the JD, you were nevertheless made aware via an overhard conversation that the company clearly operates age discrimination. (quote the whole conversation as an appendix, with descriptions of those involved.
Say that obviously you are not now interested in their job, but would be interested to hear their response to your experience in their offices.

I wouldn't copy it to the agnency - unfortunately i suspct that many agencies may well act pragmatically as a sort of filtering system to meet clients requests, however discriminatory, and the agnecy may well mark you as difficult. However, i would imagine that even calow bastards like your man here would quail at complaining to the agency about you writing!

[Blu]

As I understand it, 3 people were party t this conversation - getting all 3 to wear under oath at a tribula that it hadn't happened would be hard fo the co, I think.