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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be pissed off with dp's family - wedding rant..

65 replies

geordieminx · 20/06/2009 19:53

We are getting married in october - 40 odd people, nice hotel.

Send invites and menus out a few weeks ago - tried to pick things that would suit everyone - gave 3 choices for each course

soup au pistou (veg with pesto)
risotto
terrine

lamb
chicken
salmon

3 deserts

Anyways, gets an email from dp's aunt.. other aunt (her sister, dp's mum's sisters) had been in touch with her, her husband and son(who's 30 odd) wont eat any of the main courses.. so she (the 2nd aunt) has spoken to the wedding co-ordinator at the hotel on her behalf, and arranged for the pair of them to have steak... ARGGHHHHH

Now I am pissed off because:
a) aunt should have got in touch with us - not got other aunt to contact hotel
b)the hotel should have spoken to me rather than just agreeing to it
c) its going to look really bad to other guests that everyone else is sitting down to lamb chicken or salmon and these two picky feckers are there with their fillet steak...I mean honestly, with the exception of vegetarians is there anyone that really couldnt eat any of those choices for 1 meal that they arent even bloody paying for???

I'm not a bridezilla... or am I?

OP posts:

Thunderduck · 20/06/2009 19:55

YANBU.

They had no right to do that. And people are going to wonder why they had the option of steak.

cornsilk · 20/06/2009 19:56

How dare they!!

wonderingwondering · 20/06/2009 19:56

Not bridezilla, that is rude. I'd be tempted to phone the hotel and have ago about them changing your plans without consulting you - or even, to be honest, discussing your wedding with anyone who calls them.

If they were that bothered about the food, they should eat before they go.

Hassled · 20/06/2009 19:57

No, you are not being a bridezilla.

If you really have to be a fussy eater (allergies and children excepted), then at least be a polite fussy eater - accept the chicken, eat the veg and push it around the plate for 20 minutes - it won't kill you. It's so bloody rude to just order something else in these circumstances.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 20/06/2009 19:57

YANBU, that's really rude! I'm for you!

sunburntats · 20/06/2009 19:57

I THANKGOD that i didnt tell a single soul i was getting married till the week before.
Had none of that carry on with people.

yaNbu.

HolyGuacamole · 20/06/2009 19:57

That's awful. I'd be furious if someone did that. They had no right whatsoever to contact your venue

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 20/06/2009 19:57

YANBU at all. And I sooo don't envy you the menu planning was the most stressful part of wedding planning when I was doing it.
his time (nest month in fact) having a small buffet at home as we are only having parents and siblings anyway.

pinkstarfish · 20/06/2009 19:58

YANBU at all, sounds very rude especially to take it upon her self to contact the hotel directly I personally find it hard how more than one person doesn't like anything to do with lamb, chicken or salmon whatsoever They sounds very fussy. Out of curiosity, who will be footing the bill for the added fillet steaks?

Good luck on your big day, and congratulations

QuintessentialShadow · 20/06/2009 19:59

This happened to me at my sons Christening.
We had 20 people for a meal at a restaurant. I had chosen Arctic Char for the main course. I did not let people see the meny and chose prior, they came, were served a meal. Just that MIL asked the waiter to take her plate away, and asked for a fillet steak instead. When SHE did that, two more guests did, and we ended up having to pay for 6 main courses for 3 people.

Let them have their steak, and if anyone asks, tell the truth, they took it upon themselves to contact the wedding planner and change it without your knowledge.

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 20/06/2009 19:59

Oh and to agree with wondering I would contact the hotel and rant discuss calmly with them how pissed off disappointed you are that they did this without consultation with you.

HecatesTwopenceworth · 20/06/2009 19:59

I think you should contact the hotel and make sure that they do NOT change anything with anyone other than you and your dp - you don't want anything else altered, do you?!

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 20/06/2009 20:02

Could you not change it back without them knowing? chicken normally goes down well. If they don't like it then it's good mannars to try some anyway, it's really rude for them to go behind your back like this.

treedelivery · 20/06/2009 20:02

I think it's very nice of you to give a choice. Ours got lamb. Or dull spinach tart. Or starved.

Hotel might have assumed you ok'd the plans, as the idea of someone ringing up to do that without going through one of the wedding party first is nearly impossible to imagine.

Flibbertyjibbet · 20/06/2009 20:02

wonderingwondering is right, the hotel should never have discussed even one detail with anyone not the bride or named contact that they have.

My friend booked a local hotel for her wedding night after her very low key wedding. We thought it would be nice to pay for their room as a gift. I rang the hotel who insisted that they had no booking under either bride or groom name for the night in question. So I rang my friend 'omg you are not booked in your hotel', she rang them next day and they said sorry but due to client confidentiality we never discuss anyones booking with anyone else. Quite why their policy was to say that there was no booking, I have no idea!

Spout a load of data protection and client confidentiality type issues at the hotel management.

aGalChangedHerName · 20/06/2009 20:04

I would contact the venue and ask them to issue an invoice for the steaks now so tey know they are paying for them. Make sure the rest of the party know that they paid their own way too!!

What is it with weddings that brings out the worst in people and makes them so fecking rude??

MadameCastafiore · 20/06/2009 20:05

My reply to an uncle who rang up and told me he wouldn't eat what was on offer at my wedding was to have a very big breakfast and maybe get his wife to stick a sarnie in her handbag.

This is what happens when you get all officient and send people menus FGS - just let them turn and and have what is being served - wedding guests are like small children - do not give them choices!

Original poster

geordieminx · 20/06/2009 20:05

They are farmers, so not exactly the fussiest people around,.... or so I thought

So glad no one things IBU, have told dp, he just shrugged his shoulders and said I should email aunt and tell her that I'm pissed..I feel like it but tbh, whats the point?

I feel that our menu isnt good enough for them... I think if they had asked for plain chicken, or even fish and chips or a burger or something I wouldnt have been quite so and

OP posts:

onepieceofcremeegg · 20/06/2009 20:06

I agree fully with Hecate.

I would cancel the steak. I would also ring the hotel and enquire why they are allowing random guests to change the menu. If you are feeling charitable perhaps you could find out (via relatives of these very rude people) if they would prefer a vegetarian option.

I am really at their rudeness and nerve. I am also at the hotel. What would happen if every guest rang with various preferences.

smallchange · 20/06/2009 20:08

I'd be furious. Certainly tell the hotel that you won't be paying for any unauthorised changes/additions. Hopefully at the very least dp's aunt has arranged to pay for the steaks.

Original poster

geordieminx · 20/06/2009 20:08

Dp wanted to give people 4 choices

I wish I hadnt given anyone a choice now...

Although its similar to a wedding my mum went to last month... everyone had chicken.. apart from the top table who all had filet steak. As the waitresses waltzed past with the steak everyone was

OP posts:

pinkstarfish · 20/06/2009 20:09

geordieminx - on the contrary darling, they are not good enough for your wedding more like

Kimi · 20/06/2009 20:09

YANBU you need to change it back again and tell the hotel NOT to change your menu without your say so.

ja9 · 20/06/2009 20:09

i'd be fuming....

is it usual to offer menus now? in my day (chuckle) you didn't get a choice until the day.

FluffyBunnyGoneBad · 20/06/2009 20:10

If they are farmers then maybe they can supply their own steak!
I'm assuming the steak they have ordered is more expensive then the meal you have paid for??

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