to be really really angry that only women are once again being blamed for leaving having babies too late??

[littlestmummystop]

Where the feck is the man's responsibility in all this??

A straw poll of my friends. . . 4 out of 6 felt broody and wanted babies in their 20s despite all also having great jobs. None of their boyfriends also in their twenties were 'ready' so none of them did.

I had a baby at 24, then my exP decided he was too young to be a dad ( at 28) so he left. I've been a single parent since.

So what are women supposed to do? Make ultimatums, have a baby earlier and risk being a single parent? Or leave it till their menfolk are 'ready' to settle down, which among the middle class lot appears to be around 35, and then risk leaving it too late? Why are women being solely blamed for this??

I would always advise my daughters to dump any man who pulls that 'I'm not ready' shit if she wants to have a baby and he doesn't.

My ex bf after my ex h, he's 37 and said he and his wife, she must be younger, will perhaps have kids in 'a couple of years'.

I wonder if cultures where the man is much older have got it right? Women seem to feel the need to reproduce in their 20s but for men it seems to be much later. So it make sense for there to be a fairly big age gap. Just something that struck me.

I think these experts reports read like public health information films. It's not in the govts. financial interest for women to have babies late, and women are much easier targets than men.

I don't agree with insisting too. A man should want a child as much as the woman, not feel pressurised into doing it.

"She obviously didn't put her foot down hard enough. Because I was married to a man like that, no way I'd have just gone out with somoeone for 12 years, and when he said he didn't want kids, I took him at his word and divorced him"

expat seems like you are having 2 convos there. Can you explain it for me please?

And if doesn't want a child and you do, then dump him and find a man who does.

Women in their 20s should hook up with older men in their 30s [i know it's not as straightforward as this emotion]

I couldn't agree more. It makes me bloody furious - the mysoginistic daily mail and it's one eyed journalism has a lot to answer for imho.

'expat seems like you are having 2 convos there. Can you explain it for me please? '

what's to explain? another poster said she had a friend who put her foot down with a man about having kids, but after 12 years he dumped her, childless. pretty self-explanatory response from me.

i agree, DR!

I can't say it makes me 'really really angry' soI think YABU for over reacting.

misogynistic

Loads of men come out with this 'one day definitely but not yet' line.

I think women do have to force the issue quite often.

Makes me cross too. In my case I didn't "choose" to have children late - I didn't meet DH till my mid-30s.

The newspapers will insist on holding the view that women should just down tools and have babies aged 25 or else they are "being selfish". Incredible really.

I agree Riven
They are often freaked out by the idea but love the reality when it happens

Okay expat

I don't think the media reports are 'blaming' women as such (although I read the Guardian, which reports things more level-headedly - I can just imagine the reaction of, say, the Daily Mail to the new 'have kids before 35' report) BUT it is truly maddening. And it makes me and my childless friends really panicky - it's like someone shouting 'You're never going to have children, you selfish, barren freak' in your ears non-stop! Such stress is hardly helpful when TTC!

Everyone is spot-on about the man issue. I am 36 and the reason why me and my friends don't have kids YET (the yet is very important!) is because of men stringing us along and saying 'not ready yet' and eating up our most fertile years with their bullshit. I was with my Ex for 7 years and he kept putting me off all the time... until just before my 33rd birthday when I brought up the subject again and he admitted he hated kids and never wanted any, but hadn't wanted to tell me that before because he hadn't 'wanted to upset me'. So taking away all those child-bearing years away from me wasn't upsetting, then?! A couple of friends have had guys stringing them along with the ole 'not yet' who have then dumped then in their late 30s, took up with some 20-something woman and got her pregnant within the first year. Kick in the teeth or what?!

My Ex was a wanker and I'm well rid. My DP is my Mr Right and we're going to start TTC next month. He's 27 and although he really wants to be a Dad, he'd be happier to wait a few years longer. He just can't get the panic I feel about being so old to start TTC. He just tells me I'm young and gorgeous (aww) - but I can't get through to him that my ovaries might not be! Reports like this latest one just make me feel scared that every new period means less and less of a chance to gp

I'm angry pointydog because I am sick of women being blamed for it and have seen firsthand the suffering it causes. . .

I have so many friends who'd love to have children but because they have waited, it won't happen. . .

IMHO all women should be angry about this issue and stop letting so-called surveys and experts point the finger at 'career' women. Nothing will ever change unless a proper debate that includes men kicks off. . .

I don't think it's the least bit selfish to put off having kids. I think it's more to do with being over-cautious, scared of the commitment, not realising the effects age can have on teh body, enjoying life too much etc etc.

Of course it's women's fault. Don't you know, the reason women wait so long to have babies is because they're all shoulderpad-wearing, bra-burning feminists who are ambitious and grasping and who are too busy kicking men off their rightful place on the career ladder, while simultaneously demanding sex for their own pleasure and not cooking meals and warming slippers for their men to take time out to actually have babies!

It makes me sad. I didn't want babies when I was younger and did leave it quite late out of choice, so maybe I'm the odd one out, but I have a few friends who have wanted children all their lives and simply haven't been able to find anyone to have them with as even when they have had longterm relationships, the men have wanted to 'leave it until later' (and we all know where that one goes) or didn't want children at all. The thought of them being thought of as some kind of selfish partying career fixated fembots is really upsetting as that stereotype couldn't be further from the truth.

The answer is not that we should all be marrying old men!!! So the men get to run around until they're 50 and then settle down with juicy young things? No way...

The answer is that the men we meet need to get a grip and grow up.

I have been reading this thread with interest as although it doesn't apply to me the points raised ring totally true. I told my DH about this thread and he was yet again baffled by what members of his fellow gender do - he was keen to have children and is 5 years younger than me - he was not yet 30 when DD was born and I think if he had met the right person earlier he would have been keen to start earlier.

Not all men are like this - maybe we need to bear in mind expat's advice for her DD for our own children.

But if it's demonstrably men who don;t want to start families too early then the press needs to be slagging them off - not the women.

A note all the mothers of sons, stop pandering and spoiling them so they think they are the centre of the universe.
It's hard to find a good man these days, have lots of 20 something friends and am delighted I am not single in their generation must be a nightmare.

Why not be radical and blame fathers of the sons?