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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

, when I'm told 'You're making a rod for your own back".....

81 replies

Juwesm · 18/06/2009 16:59

...to take said rod and beat the person in question to a pulp with it?

Co-sleeping with my 9-week old - 'You're making a rod for your own back, he'll be sleeping with you until he's 23'
Carrying Velcro baby around with me all the time - ' You're making a rod for your own back, you'll never be able to put him down'
Picking up my baby when he cries - 'You're making a rod for your own back, he'll learn that he can get attention just by crying'
Feeding him on demand - 'You're making a rod for your own back, he'll never want to eat at normal times'

And so on, and so forth.
AIBU, AIBPFB?

And what is 'a rod for one's own back'? Where is that from? Who has a rod up their back?

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 18/06/2009 17:02

no - yanbu
you are making a rod for your own back by responding to these people though
This is ridiculous - especially for a 9wo! Just laugh at these people and ask "Oh, is that what they &used to^ think?"

iMissEdith · 18/06/2009 17:03

"My rod, my back, my business."

That's your reply.

babyignoramus · 18/06/2009 17:03

YANBU.
I believe it refers to making a rod for someone to beat you with. the equivalent would be to go out and buy the chain for your husband to attach you to the sink with....

babyignoramus · 18/06/2009 17:05

bTW that,s just my interpretation, i'm not agreeing with them!

dawntigga · 18/06/2009 17:06

YANBU.

I've started saying thanks for the advise but our plan is a bit different. Should it not work I'll remember your advise and try it then.

Usually shuts them right up - it's the tone of voice you use

dxx

karalathecamel · 18/06/2009 17:07

hit them bloody hard with it - it's a blardy annoying expression anyway and it means shit.

Overmydeadbody · 18/06/2009 17:08

YANBU

Who are these people that say this? Elderly relatives?

Ignore them.

AnathemaDevice · 18/06/2009 17:08

Got told by my MIL yesterday that I'm spoiling my 11 week old by letting him fall asleep on me at 8pm and not putting him in his cot until we go to bed at around 10pm. I just smiled sweetly, said at this age I'm happy to 'spoil' him, said if he's still doing it when he's 18 then I'll worry, and moaned about her to my mum later on.
I think some people don't realise/forget how big and scary the world is for such a small baby, and that they need their mums and dads to be there for them constantly. I'm making the most of DS being a velcro baby, one day he'll be a teenager and he won't want constant cuddles then.

spicemonster · 18/06/2009 17:09

Tell them that new research shows that children that are carried/fed on demand/cosleep are much happier to sleep on their own, have a better relationship with food and be more secure and successful adults than those who aren't.**Disclaimer: I have no idea if this is true or not but I used to tell people that and it seemed to shut them up. And my 2 YO does sleep on his own (usually!), eats normally and is very happy and I did exactly what you're doing

tvaerialmagpiebin · 18/06/2009 17:09

Is it your MiL?
If so, assassinate her. It worked for me

No YANBU. Don't worry, it will soon be "you are making a rod for your own back becauseyour toddler won't eat broccoli/your preschooler won't play with playdough/your schoolage child won't practise the piano/your teenager won't eat meat

This too shall pass.

hocuspontas · 18/06/2009 17:12

Oooh flashback to 1992. I remember wanting to stuff the rod up their arses. Stick to your guns!

Bucharest · 18/06/2009 17:12

YANBU especially if it's the MIL.
Beat her hard with it, then stick it where the sun don't shine.....

spina · 18/06/2009 17:24

like spicemonsters response very good.

YANBU

Thee's nothing wrong with a Velcro baby(or in by case going through a phase velcro two year old)
He's got a very nonVelcro older brother who doesn't do kisses(at moment) and just wants to hang out at the skate park. (He's only FIVE, bless his cotton socks!)

Enjoy the Velcro!!!!!!!

Oh according to MIL, I should be potty training 2yr old at moment.(Ahem,He's being carried a lot. I don't want wee on my clothes!My waredrobe is not extensive enough for lots of outfit changes!)

spina · 18/06/2009 17:25

perhaps some attention to spelling/typing would be good on my behalf!

babyphat · 18/06/2009 17:37

YANBU! and it's not true anyway!

pjmama · 18/06/2009 17:42

Tell them to mind their own sodding business!!

My dd slept with me until she was about 5 months old. Now at 2 she won't even get into my bed, she likes her own so much! Total rubbish and all comments like that do is undermine your confidence as a parent and make you worry that you're doing it all wrong (well that's how it made me feel anyway). Really annoys me!!

Morloth · 18/06/2009 17:43

Tell them to piss off. I did all of that sort of stuff and the boy can't wait to get the hell away from me most days.

Do whatever works for you and when that stops working find the next thing. The whole rod for your own back thing is a crock of shit.

About the only "attachment" parenting thing we still have going on is that DS gets tucked up in our bed, so daddy can carry him into his bed when he gets home from work. They have a little snuggle - it is lovely and I think it unlikely that this will still be expected when DS is 21.

sweetnitanitro · 18/06/2009 17:47

YANBU, I have co-slept with dd since day 1 and am sick to the back teeth of interfering eejits telling me she'll be sleeping with me till she's 18. Luckily I co-slept with my parents when I was a baby so I'm living proof that it can work, I've never had any problems sleeping which I am more than happy to point out to people who kindly advise me that 'trust me, you'll regret that'.

That or they get a sarky reply like 'most 18 year olds I know don't even want to share a house with their parents, let alone a bed' or 'that's funny, the entire population of Asia doesn't seem to have a problem with it?'

(PS I co-sleep, carry dd round a lot and feed on demand and she's a little angel )

Original poster
Juwesm · 18/06/2009 17:49

No, not MIL. Generally 'well-meaning' friends/ colleagues and occasionally DH after he's been speaking to his work buddies!

Yes, my usual response is along the lines of 'he's 9 weeks old, ffs, he is far to small to develop any habits'. But it's amazing how people assume that because they brought up their kids in x/y/z way, this is the only way to do it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Juwesm · 18/06/2009 17:51

I love MN

OP posts:
Eeek · 18/06/2009 17:57

I always said "It's the only thing keeping me upright" It usually worked.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 18/06/2009 17:58

it's bullshit. I co-slept for 3.5 months and he went to his own bed without a fuss, when he was ready. Picked him up when he cried and he now sits for ages playing with his toys by himself. Ignore the shitty shitty 'advice' and follow your instinct!

icedgemsrock · 18/06/2009 19:36

I did everything you do.
Got the same comments from every bloody body
and my ds is an absolute joy and people now comment on that!!
So tell them to stick their comments up their nosey arse!!!

posieparker · 18/06/2009 19:41

All of my dcs have co slept....one until 3m, 2m, 8m and 7m..... all very good sleepers. I'm of the opinion that if you give them a secure and nurturing start then they'll be better for it.

GentlyDidIt · 18/06/2009 19:44

A response that always comes to mind when an elder relative uses this phrase is "You must have been very good at not making me a rod for your own back when I was tiny then, because I haven't been able to stand you since I was 4"

But I usually just smile and wave

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