to think that my darling teen niece has lied about something so serious she has potentially ruined someones career?

[ReesiRoo]

My lovely neice is 13 years old. Since the start of secondary school at age 11 she has been bullied. Although it has been all verbal and never violent, it has had a huge impact on her life and i've seen her go from a bubbly, confident girl to one who sits in her room constantly and doesn't know how to communicate anymore. It got to the point where DNeice was getting abuse from most of the kids in the class at every lesson, at break time, walking home from school, so it was happening several times a day. She is very bright but hates school or anything remotely academic as a result of the bullying.

My sister (neices mum) knows all about the bullying but has as much told her to get on with things and tell the kids to fuck off. Easy enough if neice was like that, but she is so painfully shy, it is never going to happen. I have thought about going into school to sort it for neice, but I didn't want anything bad to come of it, like making it worse for her, or my sister and I falling out. My neice has asked sister to move school on so many occasions, but Dsis has always refused, just for an easy life I suspect.

So now after 2 years of this DNeice has made an allegation towards one of her teachers. I can't go much into it but the teacher has been suspended and police have been involved. Dsis is STILL making DNeice go to school while all of this is happening and somehow, the kids in her class have got to know about it and as you can imagine, her life is a living hell with all the questioning and pointing, and word spreads quickly, so most of her year know about it now.

Thing is, I think my neice's allegations are false. I completely understand her reasons for coming up with this allegation, she wanted a way out, a way to actually make sis send her to a new school as it was probably the only way for her to get out of this hell hole of a school. I don't know what to do. If I ask DNeice directly, she will think I don't trust her and I am really the only adult figure in her life who she sees as reassurance and trustworthy, someone to talk to (least I hope she feels that way). Please advise.

foxy
you were ON msn and then off
i wantted to slag people off chat to you

I swore on my life that i'm not lying. FFS, what more can I do?!

yy

@ Trolling 101

I'm just pleased that the great advice was dished out before this kicked off anyway. thanks to you that think this is genuine, because i'm sure she really appreciates it.

oh I'm sure you she does

As soon as Lola appeared with that cock and bull MSN story, I got bored.

By scaryteacher on Sat 13-Jun-09 15:50:19
'... and of course I feel terrible for the teacher concerned and no doubt this will cast a shadow over him, even once his name is cleared - but, in all fairness, he is one of the ones that should have stepped in to stop the bullying. I'm not saying he deserved it, of course he didn't, but he has been partly to blame for it happening. Of course I feel more sorry for him if he had been trying to help her.'

It won't 'cast a shadow', it'll totally fuck up his/HER career (women teach as well you know), and maybe their family to boot. It will make it very difficult to get another job at another school (on the no smoke without fire principle) and the whispers will get round. Exit another teacher.

How do you know that the teacher did not intervene to stop the bullying - how do you know they were even aware of it? I taught 600 kids per week out of a total of 1400, and I didn't know who was being bullied and who wasn't apart from when it was in the staff meeting, my year group, my teaching groups, or my tutor group; or if one of the students tipped me off that something was going on.

Please explain how precisely the teacher was partly to blame for the bullying as well? Surely those responsible were those doing the bullying; not a teacher who may not even have known this student....and obviously the mother who should have taken steps once alerted to the situation.

I loathe the way that if something goes wrong in the pastoral care system, that ALL the teachers in a school are then lambasted. In large schools it is entirely possible not to know all the students, as you may not teach them at all in the time they are there, dependant upon timetabling.

If I was the teacher in question and the allegation was withdrawn, I would be suing; and if it did go to court I would employ the meanest barrister I could get if I knew that I had been falsely accused.

Scaryteacher - yes, as the majority of teachers are female, it wasn't something that had escaped my notice I did actually originally type she, then thought I remembered the op (or her mate) saying it was a man, I was mistaken - get over it.

I assumed the teacher was one she was in contact with - maybe this was an error as well, but generally children don't accuse someone they don't have any contact with.

This poor kid has been being bullied at school for 2 years - if all the teachers at that school aren't aware of it by now, it's no wonder it just carries on.

As the child is going to tell everyone that she was making it up, it's all going to get sorted out pretty quickly - I doubt it will, in fact, ruin the teachers entire teaching life. Even if it does, I maintain I would NOT be blaming the child in this case, but the teachers and MAINLY the mother.

If you read my post properly I did say I didn't know if the teacher had tried to help her or not, but the teachers who were aware of it, did not, in 2 years, stop it at their school. Pretty poor IMO

'You'd be suing' 'You'd be getting the meanest barrister' - such compassion - should you really be teaching our children??

Ooh look, a baby name thread from Lola.

Well, I believed Reesiroo too. Now I don't know what to think. It's a horrible situation for all involved if it's true, and it's a horrible person to post it if it's not.

god she must be well fucked up to make up a story like that, and pretty fucking thick to not remember the thread about a baby name whose name is the same as her other alias

Firstly, well done to your dneice for having the guts to tell you and your ex, and well done to you for how you reacted to her - she must be so desperately unhappy to have done this.

Now at least the truth is out, you can talk gently to her about what needs to happen - perhaps you could offer to go with her to talk to her mum or the school.

I hope that this sad situation can be sorted out for both your dneice and for the teacher concerned.

Do you know how popular that name is Duchesse in Puerto Rico spelled Marisa or Mareesa?! My father is Hispanic and I knew at least 4 Mareesa's/Marisa's in school, so wouldn't it be natural for me to like such names?

Ohh heck, have I fallen for a troll? I had only read the first two pages - then went out, came back, and posted - and then found we'd got three more pages.

Scarily, she's also advertised herself on here for childminding.

I'm sick of the trollsfreaks on MN.

i'm flattered you know so much about me. really, I am.

Gawd, Lola, you are beyond fecking pathetic. What are you really, 15? Fuck off already, you sad troll.

I told you the truth. You choose not to believe me. Your choice.

nah, you made up a fake name to troll and then forgot to change it back after you wrote the 'auntie mareesa' bollocks.

you've been rumbled, now be an honourable troll and at least acknowledge that before you kindly fuck off or get banned for continually making up a bunch of pathetic tripe.

Let them ban me, I don't give a running fuck.

Now be good you bunch of fuckers and go and spend some time with your children. Some of your have been on here for fucking hours and where are your kids?

If I was falsely accused of something that I hadn't done, and would have enormous repercussions for the rest of my teaching career,(or not, as it would be ruined, and I would not wish to teach any more), my family, my child and my reputation, then no, I would not have much compassion. Teachers (even RE ones) are human, not saints. If I knew the charge was false, then yes, I would want the best defence possible, as I am entitled to in law.

Bullying at school is a difficult issue, because some bullies are VERY careful not to do it at school, but either on the way to and from, or by text or MSN. That counts in police terms as out of school, and even though the school may try to intervene and stop it, because it hasn't happened on school premises, their hands are tied. The bullies don't generally bully in front of the staff as they know we will step in and stop it.

Have you never heard of Chinese whispers? The educational establishment is very good at this, and that includes the students and the parents. 'So and so was accused of 'x', why are they still teaching here/been given a post here?' You only have to look at what happened to that school secretary at a Muslim school in the papers today to get the gist. The allegation will follow that teacher around for the rest of their career believe you me. Why should they have to live with that if they are innocent?

Teachers know that an allegation can be made at any time and for nothing apart from the fact you looked at a student the wrong way. I got accused of racism once and a parent complained about me to my Head because her daughter was rude to me in Tesco and I told her not to be so cheeky. If ANY kind of allegation of misconduct is made the teacher is normally suspended asap and afaik is not allowed any contact with the school.

Finally, yes the mother was wrong and should have intervened sooner and the child was desperate; but there were other ways to go about this, and deliberately lying if this allegation is false in imo appalling. The child is 13 and must have an idea that actions have consequences (they are taught about rights and responsibilities in year 7), and that this action would have awful consequences for the teacher. I am appalled that you feel it is acceptable for someone's career to be ruined if the allegation is false.

Surely HQ can easily tell that they are registered from different email addresses.

Lola, try not to get upset, raise it with HQ and they will 'prove' that you are different people - I'm sure they've done that before.

Different email addresses wouldnt prove it either. Most people have more than one address.

I think that they log the IP addresses of posters, so that should give a guide.

If I were going to descend to your level, lola, I'd ask you whether you plan on teaching manners like yours to your children - but I won't.