Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

to think that my darling teen niece has lied about something so serious she has potentially ruined someones career?

354 replies

ReesiRoo · 13/06/2009 11:37

My lovely neice is 13 years old. Since the start of secondary school at age 11 she has been bullied. Although it has been all verbal and never violent, it has had a huge impact on her life and i've seen her go from a bubbly, confident girl to one who sits in her room constantly and doesn't know how to communicate anymore. It got to the point where DNeice was getting abuse from most of the kids in the class at every lesson, at break time, walking home from school, so it was happening several times a day. She is very bright but hates school or anything remotely academic as a result of the bullying.

My sister (neices mum) knows all about the bullying but has as much told her to get on with things and tell the kids to fuck off. Easy enough if neice was like that, but she is so painfully shy, it is never going to happen. I have thought about going into school to sort it for neice, but I didn't want anything bad to come of it, like making it worse for her, or my sister and I falling out. My neice has asked sister to move school on so many occasions, but Dsis has always refused, just for an easy life I suspect.

So now after 2 years of this DNeice has made an allegation towards one of her teachers. I can't go much into it but the teacher has been suspended and police have been involved. Dsis is STILL making DNeice go to school while all of this is happening and somehow, the kids in her class have got to know about it and as you can imagine, her life is a living hell with all the questioning and pointing, and word spreads quickly, so most of her year know about it now.

Thing is, I think my neice's allegations are false. I completely understand her reasons for coming up with this allegation, she wanted a way out, a way to actually make sis send her to a new school as it was probably the only way for her to get out of this hell hole of a school. I don't know what to do. If I ask DNeice directly, she will think I don't trust her and I am really the only adult figure in her life who she sees as reassurance and trustworthy, someone to talk to (least I hope she feels that way). Please advise.

OP posts:
LolaTheShowgirl · 13/06/2009 15:17

People are too quick to shout 'troll'...that's the problem.

stabintheback · 13/06/2009 15:19

she is refusing to go to the police herself and saying she doesn't want me to tell them either or she will lose any trust she ever had in me I don't know if these are just words, but she's already done a video statement for court and if the police aren't told, this teacher is due to appear in court in the next week.

odd

StewieGriffinsMom · 13/06/2009 15:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

NotmyELFtoday · 13/06/2009 15:26

I'm confused about who is who now...

foxinsocks · 13/06/2009 15:27

crikey

if you are going to troll like this, you have to, at least, be able to namechange properly

what a hideous thing to make up Lola

trolling about funny, amusing stuff is one thing. Trolling about serious issues is just fucking odd. You must have a seriously screwed up head.

bigstripeytiger · 13/06/2009 15:29

I was going to post on this thread, I'm glad I didnt now.

stabintheback · 13/06/2009 15:30

am i the only one who recognises this DN stoyr?

NorkyButNice · 13/06/2009 15:30

I thought you were going out Lola?

There are some MNers with scarily overactive imaginations...

LolaTheShowgirl · 13/06/2009 15:32

but I didn't make it up. I swear on my life.

isn't it pretty fucked up to shout troll on something that may just be true???

ChippingIn · 13/06/2009 15:32

Gosh - what have I missed? Since when did Lola become a troll??

Anyway, assuming that it's true, I hope your niece gets a lot of support from everyone over this, she's been pushed into a dreadful situation and should not be blamed for getting herself out of it in whatever way she could. She'd been more than patient with the adults in her life doing fuck all for her (with you being the exception) and I don't blame her at all for lashing out in the only way she knew how to.

I hope that she is now telling the truth and hasn't just decided that as it achieved what she wanted, she can now pretend it didn't happen (iyswim?)

Is there any chance she could live with you for a while?

... and of course I feel terrible for the teacher concerned and no doubt this will cast a shadow over him, even once his name is cleared - but, in all fairness, he is one of the ones that should have stepped in to stop the bullying. I'm not saying he deserved it, of course he didn't, but he has been partly to blame for it happening. Of course I feel more sorry for him if he had been trying to help her

God what a mess and all because your sister was beging a neglectful twat and useless mother.

poshwellies · 13/06/2009 15:35

By LolaTheShowgirl Sat 13-Jun-09 14:28:58 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

she is refusing to go to the police herself and saying she doesn't want me to tell them either or she will lose any trust she ever had in me I don't know if these are just words, but she's already done a video statement for court and if the police aren't told, this teacher is due to appear in court in the next week

You forgot to namechange? Why didn't you state in the first instance that you were posted for 'reesiroo'.

LolaTheShowgirl · 13/06/2009 15:35

I was going out but i'm not going to go without defending myself being called a troll.

scaryteacher · 13/06/2009 15:38

Assuming this is not a troll.

1: You MUST tell someone that she says the allegation is false, as otherwise the poor teacher (and why do you all think the teacher is male?) will be crucified in court and to go through that for a 13 yo who is lying is appalling. Better to own up now, because if it does go to court and she is asked directly if she's lying and admits it, it will be worse.

2: I think you are going to have to choose between your dsis and your dn sadly; your dn will need your support either way.

3: For those who said 'the teacher will have their own support network' ffs, have you ANY comprehension of the damage this kind of allegation does? If my 13yo made an allegation of any kind about a teacher, I would want to be VERY sure about what had happened before I made any allegations to the school about it; as I am only too aware of the ramifications for both pupil and teacher if the allegation is false, and equally, if it found to be true.

4: Deeeja - thanks for the intimation that the entire teaching profession are predators. Makes us all feel great about our chosen career. Cheers.

foxinsocks · 13/06/2009 15:41

it's bollocks

and has been done before

BabyJaguar · 13/06/2009 15:42

good afternnoon foxy

BabyJaguar · 13/06/2009 15:43

hahaha t poster forgetting to name change

SCHOOL BOY ERROR imfe

foxinsocks · 13/06/2009 15:46

lol

yes, at least be a convincing troll ffs

you deserve to be banned for not being able to carry it out properly imo

poshwellies · 13/06/2009 15:47

fox

foxinsocks · 13/06/2009 15:47

afternoon babyjag

KidCreolesCoconut · 13/06/2009 15:47

troll skill

ZERO

horn

LolaTheShowgirl · 13/06/2009 15:49

If this story has been done before and was done so by a troll then I will agree, it's fucking sick, but when it's a genuine story, I think a little more caution should be taken before people are titled as fake, don't you?

NorkyButNice · 13/06/2009 15:50

Your panicked cover up posts to "explain" your slip up just made it more obvious too.

Trolling 101 failed methinks.

scaryteacher · 13/06/2009 15:50

'... and of course I feel terrible for the teacher concerned and no doubt this will cast a shadow over him, even once his name is cleared - but, in all fairness, he is one of the ones that should have stepped in to stop the bullying. I'm not saying he deserved it, of course he didn't, but he has been partly to blame for it happening. Of course I feel more sorry for him if he had been trying to help her.'

It won't 'cast a shadow', it'll totally fuck up his/HER career (women teach as well you know), and maybe their family to boot. It will make it very difficult to get another job at another school (on the no smoke without fire principle) and the whispers will get round. Exit another teacher.

How do you know that the teacher did not intervene to stop the bullying - how do you know they were even aware of it? I taught 600 kids per week out of a total of 1400, and I didn't know who was being bullied and who wasn't apart from when it was in the staff meeting, my year group, my teaching groups, or my tutor group; or if one of the students tipped me off that something was going on.

Please explain how precisely the teacher was partly to blame for the bullying as well? Surely those responsible were those doing the bullying; not a teacher who may not even have known this student....and obviously the mother who should have taken steps once alerted to the situation.

I loathe the way that if something goes wrong in the pastoral care system, that ALL the teachers in a school are then lambasted. In large schools it is entirely possible not to know all the students, as you may not teach them at all in the time they are there, dependant upon timetabling.

If I was the teacher in question and the allegation was withdrawn, I would be suing; and if it did go to court I would employ the meanest barrister I could get if I knew that I had been falsely accused.

foxinsocks · 13/06/2009 15:52

yes, I'd be showing a lot more caution with a genuine story, you're right

you're embarrassed, it's understandable. However Confucia say standing still on the shore, while the tide is coming in around you is not very sensible.

poshwellies · 13/06/2009 15:52

ReesiRoo Thu 28-May-09 12:27:26 Add a message | Report post | Contact poster

It astounds me how immature some members are, not to mention how 'superior' they believe themselves to be. I mean, grow up ffs!!! It's like some of you have never left secondary school and you're still there bitching away and all.

Your 'friend' likes MN advice then Lola?

Whatever.