to think that my darling teen niece has lied about something so serious she has potentially ruined someones career?

[ReesiRoo]

My lovely neice is 13 years old. Since the start of secondary school at age 11 she has been bullied. Although it has been all verbal and never violent, it has had a huge impact on her life and i've seen her go from a bubbly, confident girl to one who sits in her room constantly and doesn't know how to communicate anymore. It got to the point where DNeice was getting abuse from most of the kids in the class at every lesson, at break time, walking home from school, so it was happening several times a day. She is very bright but hates school or anything remotely academic as a result of the bullying.

My sister (neices mum) knows all about the bullying but has as much told her to get on with things and tell the kids to fuck off. Easy enough if neice was like that, but she is so painfully shy, it is never going to happen. I have thought about going into school to sort it for neice, but I didn't want anything bad to come of it, like making it worse for her, or my sister and I falling out. My neice has asked sister to move school on so many occasions, but Dsis has always refused, just for an easy life I suspect.

So now after 2 years of this DNeice has made an allegation towards one of her teachers. I can't go much into it but the teacher has been suspended and police have been involved. Dsis is STILL making DNeice go to school while all of this is happening and somehow, the kids in her class have got to know about it and as you can imagine, her life is a living hell with all the questioning and pointing, and word spreads quickly, so most of her year know about it now.

Thing is, I think my neice's allegations are false. I completely understand her reasons for coming up with this allegation, she wanted a way out, a way to actually make sis send her to a new school as it was probably the only way for her to get out of this hell hole of a school. I don't know what to do. If I ask DNeice directly, she will think I don't trust her and I am really the only adult figure in her life who she sees as reassurance and trustworthy, someone to talk to (least I hope she feels that way). Please advise.

Your first duty is to your niece - unconditional love and support. You absolutely do not know that she is lying.

Why did your sister let things get so bad for her at this horrible school?

Yep, her mum needs to know. Your niece has done the right thing, now the allegation must be officially withdrawn asap. What a fucked up situation, this child has been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. I hope the teacher doesn't get gossiped about either, some people feed on the misfortunes of others like vultures

Perhaps if you could persuade your niece to own up?

I have been in similar situations with my brother and when he asked me not to tell I explained to him what a difficult situation he was putting me in. In your case you can remind her that her actions have serious consequences for someone else and ask her what she thinks would be the right thing to do.

You can also promise to sit down with her and her mother and be on her side when she argues her case to move schools. Perhaps her mother will see just how desperate she is now.

Other than that just reassure her as much as possible that you are looking out for her but that keeping this secret for her is not really in her best interests.

She trusts you already it would be damaging to the relationship once everything dies down for you to have done something underhand and secretive. She asked you to do it but you would still have lied (albeit for her).

reesiroo - I don't know what you do now. I'd be wary of telling her mum straight off as she doesn't sound as if she would be supportive. Could you talk to DN and try to persuade her to tell the police or someone?

She will be moving schools anyway now?

Sorry - missed the most recent post - you need to help her through the maze now. Good luck

You do need to tell her Mom.
Could you offer to go into school to explain what she has done and why?
She needs moral support and if you are there to explain why she has done what she has done at least you know that she'll get a fair hearing. It doesn't sound like your Sister would be up to standing up for her daughter, tbh.

Poor, poor girl

If she has admitted she is making false allegations you have to report this and she has to repeat it to the appropriate authorities. She is thirteen after all, not five, and she should be able to recognise the ramifications of what her accusation against this person may lead to, both for them and herself.

For heaven's sake it seems highly probable that an innocent person's life and career are at stake here.

You have to speak to her mother laying out the situation your neice must be in to resort to these measures to get any attention.
You need an action plan to have her tell the police and very importantly to apologise to the teacher.
Then you need to take all the steps necessary to move her to a more supportive school.
It's important that it is hammered home that this is a very serious let down of your neice by her mother and NOT the other way around.
Then lots and lots of confidence building for your poor neice I'm afraid and lots of support.

she is refusing to go to the police herself and saying she doesn't want me to tell them either or she will lose any trust she ever had in me I don't know if these are just words, but she's already done a video statement for court and if the police aren't told, this teacher is due to appear in court in the next week.

sorry, I am just posing on belhalf of Mareesa as her internet connection keeps going down, just incase anyone wonders.

Poor, poor girl

Well done you for being there for her.

Now you need to move heaven and earth to make sure she gets the best support possible. I would be talking to Cahms and social services and the school. And doing what I can to protect her from the wrath of your sister and your ex.

Look after her and yourself.

The authorities need to be told, there's no question about that. This nightmare needs to end now for the teacher and his family.

Mareesa is having problems with her internet right now. It won't let her come on websites sometimes, it's really slow so i'm copying and pasting from messenger. She's just gone offline (disconnected probably) so hopefully she will be back later. I have to go out now but hopefully reesi will be able to get a decent connection soon.

p.s. mareesa, i can't get on msn so will talk to you later when S goes to bed x hope everything is ok xxx

Thanks Lola

ii've actually wrote this once, grrr at this connection. i'm going to have to have a chat with her mum. is face-to-face better than over the phone? i'm absolutely dreading her reaction. insensitive is actually an understatement for my dsis when it comes to her maternal instinct.

forgot to say thanks to everyone for the advice. it's very helpful.

oh thank goodness you have such a loving relationship with her that she confided in you. Take things slowly as she will come to her own realisation that she has to retract her statement, rather than you pushing her and her clamming up. You sound a lovely lady

What a horrid situation for everyone

dneice has agreed to going to mums for a chat so be back later.

sigh. Had me going until LolaTheShowgirl turned up.

we have had this story before

Bloody hell, I'm shocked that people are now saying troll.

The whole thing rings totally true for me.

Believe what you want, but I know Reesi is really chuffed with your replies and will be able to help her DN in the best way possible now.

OK.