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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutly shocked and livid about a father forgetting his child

91 replies

thesockmonsterofdoom · 12/06/2009 10:21

This morning at school, I was leaving school thisd morning and my dd2's best friend (4yo) was sat on a bench in the school yard crying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me that his daddy had left him. Now I assumed he was hiding around a corner or something, after waiting with the little boy for 5 mins I was starting to panic, I didnt want to take him off the school premises to look for his dad, some other friends walked past so i asked them to have a look where the dad was parked ( about 3 streets away) and let me know if he was there. Well they call a couple of minutes later and the dad was there, he was just about to drive off, he had actuyally forgotten hisd son. He came running back and I handed over his son and walked off as tbh I darent talk as I didnt know what would come out of my mouth.
I can not believe that you can actually forget your child for what turned out to be about 15minutes and he still wouldnt have remembered if friends had not knocked on car window.
His wife is a friend of mine and I am desperatley hoping him or little boy will tell her what happened as I dont really want to have to.
What if I hadnt walked by, someone else may not have known who he was. What if he had decided to go after his dad and cross several busy roads to find him.
I am really quite angry.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 12/06/2009 10:23

How had he forgotten him? Had he gone to pick him up from school? Stupid prat. I think you have to tell the mum.

LupusinaLlamasuit · 12/06/2009 10:24

You mean the child was waiting to go home or wherever with the dad, not waiting to go into school?

If that's the case, I would tell the father to tell the mother, otherwise you will.

What an idiot.

Original poster
thesockmonsterofdoom · 12/06/2009 10:26

he was dropping older children at school and then taking little boy to nursery, I am guessing when he got to nursery he may have realised he didnt have littler bioy.

OP posts:
ShowOfHands · 12/06/2009 10:27

Thank goodness all was alright.

I don't think you can judge though. You don't know what's happening with the Dad. I won't speculate but there are stories of this happening all the time, mothers and fathers alike, sometimes with devastating consequences. It was alright this time. If it was a regular occurence I'd join you in your indignation but I think you can't judge. Who knows who/what/why in these situations.

The child will undoubtedly tell his mother.

Pinkjenny · 12/06/2009 10:29

I have just watched an episode of Oprah Winfrey whereby an American lady forgot her daughter was in the car, and went to work. Her daughter had died by the time someone came that afternoon to tell her that she had seen her in the car. It was horrifying, I had to turn it off.

lisad123 · 12/06/2009 10:29

thats not good, poor lad. I remember driving home once from work and suddenly remembering it was my day to pick dd1 from nursery ( I had only gone 2 minutes out of the way. I was gutted

Original poster
thesockmonsterofdoom · 12/06/2009 10:29

What annoys me the most is he is always having a go at the mother saying she cant manage the kids. In fairness he did look mortified.

OP posts:
MaggieBee · 12/06/2009 10:31

A man I know did this exact same thing. He left his 3 yr old daughter in his 5 yr old's classroom and went home. He is a good father though. I think it was because he associated school with dropping children off and it is a safe environment and so in that respect he wasn't forgetting his child in a cafe eg. He wouldn't have left his daughter in a park. It's a mistake he'd never make again aswell.

MaggieBee · 12/06/2009 10:33

SOHs that story is tragic, but I could almost imagine how it happened so easily. When you're so sleep deprived it can be hard to remember if that was yesterday or this morning or was it even THIS morning??

OhBling · 12/06/2009 10:33

One of our funniest family stories is the day my father accidentally left my 3 yr old brother in a supermarket and only realised as he was leaving the car park. Apparently he peeled back at the speed of light, scattering pedestrians, only to find my little brother chatting away to some nice lady on the till. Not so funny at the time, I'm sure, but in retrospect...

It's bad, of course it is, but it happens. No one is perfect. You said he was mortified and believe me, he'll probably beat himself up about this for days. If it happens daily, it's an issue, but everyone makes mistakes.

MaggieBee · 12/06/2009 10:36

I once put out the rubbish and left the side gate open as I knew I'd be going out later.

Then my 18 month old wanted to go outside in to the garden. I let her out, forgetting I'd (unusually) left the sidegate open. When I thought I hadn't heard her for a minute or two I remembered I'd left the gate open, and I tore outside and she was on the path about 100 metres away. Going for a walk. I nearly died. She was only a BABY. I used to sit bolt upright in bed with a shudder when I thought of it even months later.

porgie · 12/06/2009 10:39

i've heard the Opara story too and always look in the back when i get to work! As if i wouldn't have heard the mouthy little things!!!

bruffin · 12/06/2009 10:39

Well once when I invited 4 of DS's friend for tea, I picked them all up after school. I was so worried about keeping an eye on all of them, that I was out of the school gate before I remembered to pick up DD as well.

TheDevilWearsYFronts · 12/06/2009 10:46

When my sister was a baby I begged my mum to let me take her out to the shop (a newsagents just around the corner from my grans)

My mum stood in the front garden to watch for us coming back and I've never seen her move so fast as she did when she saw me coming back chomping on a chocolate bar without the pram.

It's funny in retrospect but when I had my first baby my mum would constantly text saying 'remember you've got a baby with you' hehe.

wigglybeezer · 12/06/2009 10:47

I did this once, walked out of the playground chatting to a friend, crossed the road and headed for home, then realised DS3 wasn't with me! Ran back into the playground and round corner to find poor wee chap howling. I am not proud of being so dozy but it does happen and it is almost always OK, this Dad will never do it again.
IMO people who get angry and shocked about things like this are enjoying the drama and indignation a little too much.
What is wrong with a little sympathy when sombody makes a mistake?
Would you like to be judged in this way by anyone?

EccentricaGallumbits · 12/06/2009 10:50

My mother once left me at school accidently.

Dorpped off 2 older ones and went home, forgetting that I hadn't actually started school and should have been at home with her.

Apparently didn't remember for ages, had reached home and everything.

I think she might have been pregnant at the time.

I can't remember but take great pleasure in making mother feel bad about it.

GetOrfMoiLand · 12/06/2009 10:52

Lol DWP.

Apparently when I was a baby I was taken down to the sea shore (in a big silver cross pram, God knows how hard that was to push in the sand) by my uncle (he would have been about 9 at the time). He went for a paddle then sauntered back up the beach without me. My gran took one look, saw that I had been left and hurtled down the beach to get me. Apparently I was sat up in the pram quite happily burbling to other children who were paddling.

Of course over time this story developed somewhat and was embellished by my gran, she later told people that the tide was coming in and the sea was lapping at the top of the pram wheels by the time she rescued me

Drusilla · 12/06/2009 10:58

It's like that poor lady in Belgium (I think) last year who forgot to drop her baby at the nursery and left him in the car all day and he died. I don't think having a go at the father and telling tales on him is going to achieve anything. If it was the little girls Mmum instead of her Dad would you be saying the same things about her?

FabulousBakerGirl · 12/06/2009 11:00

I just want to say to the OP well done for noticing and taking care of this boy.

Heated · 12/06/2009 11:01

Poor Dad! Horrible when your parental-muppetry is in public and obv not nice for the little boy ether - excellent blackmail material though!

pooka · 12/06/2009 11:03

YABU but good for you keeping an eye out.

It happens. To fathers and mothers. Shocked and livid is way OTT as is speculating on the "what-ifs". Fact is that the child waited in the school playground (good for him).

Overmydeadbody · 12/06/2009 11:08

My parents managed to leave my youngest sister behind after a trip to a garden centre once, in a foreign country. To be fair there where four of us and we noticed after about three minutes in the car

Don't be so angry sockmonster, mistakes happen.

Blondeshavemorefun · 12/06/2009 11:09

poor little boy

it does happen though,hopefully the dad will emtnion to your friend, if not then you can, by maybe making a jokey comment about it

dc (5) friends mum once left her at school-she was meant to be going back to his for tea, and mum had forgotten and arranged for her son to be picked up by someone else

the school rang me,and i was over 30mins away (as was seeing a friend who lived far away,hence why i arranged it on a day i didnt have to be back by 3)

i was FURIOUS - luckily dc was fine about it and had a drink&biscuit with teachers till i got there

least the little boy is ok

MrsMellowdrummer · 12/06/2009 11:14

My pil moved house once,and managed to leave their baby daughter behind in one of the upstairs bedrooms. My Mil is possibly the most reliable person I know when it comes to children, but I guess their minds were on other matters!

They realised when they got to the new house (thankfully not too far away), and went back for her!

Stigaloid · 12/06/2009 11:20

When my cousin was a baby my aunt left her with my uncle to look after so he sat her in a bouncer and they watched the rugby together. he eventually remembered he needed to go to the shops to pick something up for dinner and got in the car and drove off. Meanwhile my aunt returns to see the TV on and notices the rocker bouncing to discover my cousin, happily cooing away at the tv all on her own. Wasn't funny at the time but made for a great father's day speech at her wedding!

I would live and let live with this one. It was excellent of you to see he was in need and to sit with the boy and get someone to go and find the dad, but i think the shock and indignation is a little OTT. You said the dad was mortified and am sure it won't happen again. Considering what could have happened he is probably beating himself up more than you know.