To want parents to stop blaming their child's teacher for everything?

[starlightexpress]

I'm just so sick of reading parents on here moaning about how crap their child's teacher is for one reason or another (not aimed at any particular thread this evening, btw).

In any given class of thirty-three, seventy percent of my time is spent dealing with about three kids who couldn't give a fuck. They don't want to learn, they don't want anyone else to learn. I'm not talking SEN, here, I'm talking just plain naughty.

As far as I'm concerned, the majority of the time when a parent is on here moaning about how shitty their child's teacher is, it falls into one of four categories.

Either your child is:

a)Badly brought up and you're making excuses for them.

b)So-called "SEN" which means they can behave when they want to, but misbehave most of the time using said SEN as an excuse. You allow them to do this because you prefer not to take any responsibility for their behaviour.

c)Genuinely suffering from an SEN, which I probably know very little about and am given little support (either in terms of training or TAs or resources)for.

d)Suffering from the fall out of "inclusion" which means that so much of my time is spent firefighting (see a, b and c) that I don't have the time to spend on your child that they deserve.

Of course there are crap teachers. There are also medicore teachers and there are good teachers who have crap days and make crap judgements sometimes. But mostly it is not your child's teacher's fault.

If you are a C or a D parent, then get thee to the Head, the governers, the local MP and kick up an almighty fuss. You're right to be upset, I don't blame you, I'm not happy about it either but what can I do? I'm doing my very very best but I can't fight the system on my own.

If you're an A or a B parent, do what the fuck you want - that's what you do anyway, and I'm not interested in your whining.

Before you ask, I teach in an inner city secondary school. Not the worst school in the whole world but not great either.

I'm a relatively experienced teacher with a decent results record. I don't have classroom management issues - last Ofsted (they actally watched some of my lesson) they said that this was a strength, fwiw. It's worth nothing actually, as Ofsted couldn't identify one end of a decent lesson from another, but I know their opinion matters to a lot of you.

Go on, flame me, I will have heard worse at parents evening, I can take it.

AIBU?

Some people are ment to be teachers and some are not

PMSL at Welshwoman's reference to 'real world jobs'. Yes, of course, planning dynamic lessons and then teaching them to 180 teenagers in the course of a day, then assessing how each of them is performing, plus keeping on top of all the other paperwork - not real world is it?!

Beetroot -

"I teach a talented child whose parents have told him he does not need to work as they are wealthy enough for him never to worry about it.
he can be a nightmare
BUT I don't blame his parents, I have to deal with this child and engage him and excite him..I find that a challenge"

You don't blame his parents? Why the fuck not? They sound like they're doing a piss poor job of bringing up their child properly. And he is a "nightmare".

Blaming the parents is not the same as washing your hands of the child. I've got plenty of kids who are nighmares that I sweat blood over, trying to get the best out of them. Doesn't mean that I don't look at the cause of what is making said child such a nightmare and want to drag them in and tell them some cold hard truths about what shitty parenting has produced.

I agree starlight - they sound like shit parents, and I can't see what's wrong with being honest about that. Doesn't mean you don't then get on and do a professional job, but no point doing the whole angst-ridden guilt guilt beat myself up should have done better thing.

You can do your very best professionally, but at the end of the day, if the kid is being raised with those values he may well turn out to be a tosser himself - and hey, let's not blame the teachers for that, eh? Put the blame where it belongs - on the parents.

What is the point of blaming the parents? Myj ob is to educate the child and I will do everything I can to do that and if I can give the child something to work towards and engage in I will be very happy. His parents are not my concern

Look, if the parents aren't your concern, how do you know what they say to him and why are you connecting it to his poor performance in your classroom?

You're right, blaming the parents isn't a solution. It's not going to make the nightmare child a joy to teach, and it's your job as a teacher to do your best for every pupil.

But clearly you as a teacher have a right to be pissed off it a child is foul and they needn't have turned out that way but for the fact that they have been so poorly parented.

This is just me being honestly curious, no axes or anything.
Do you think the different responses from different teachers have anything to do with how long we've each been teaching in the system, and what sort of schools?

Oh, and why do I seem inconsistent Welshwoman?
Because I don't expect everyone to be like me, and I accept that I do some things better than other people, and some things worse. I often have disagreements with parents of overindulged and spoilt children who prioritise their needs over everyone else's, but I've been doing that for so long that it never ends up as a squabble, just an informed discussion. I'd have to be insane to tell them what I'm really thinking. Euphemisms rule.

Goblin -

Yes... But surely all teachers must get occasionally frustrated by difficult children and the parents that allow them to be difficult? Even in "good" schools.

I was having a crappy day when I posted the OP, but I actually really like my school, and the kids.

There's nothing I'd do than teach (and fwiw, I mainly teach bottom sets as I have a good rapport with them and achieve very good results) but that doesn't mean that I don't get hacked off by the way parts of my job are much harder than they need to be.

Of course we get irritated, and your first post just sounded like someone yelling loudly in a safe place rather than in school or at a child or parent
But in a tough school in a tough area when you have disagreements with parents they threaten you, throw things, damage your car and have to be removed by the police. As do their children on occasion.
Here in a 'nice school' they write stiff letters to the head teacher and mutter about you in the playground.
Annoying but less scary.

why on earthwould I have an axe to grind with the parents?
How odd that you think I woul dhave a problem with this. We all struggle as parents

Wotchew going on about beetroot?
I was meaning that my question about length of service was as simple as it seemed, not attempting to say that fewer years means more idealistic and thus judgemental of others who aren't quite as shiny.

Only read OP

NO YOUR FUCKING NOT!

bigeyes

Come on b, how long have you been teaching then?

Starlight - I am desperate to leave - you wouldn't believe the fuss I have had this week for making a very reasonable request and communicating this to parents.

a)avoid at all costs teching children of governors

b)avoid at every cost teaching the child of the teacher in same school who is the resident battleaxe

c)do invite awkward not it al parents to sit in your lesson or observe covertly

I can joke cos after ten years I have had it and I am depseratley trying to leave nearly handed in my notice this week.

THEN the parent could complain to the unqualified person they replace me with when their little darling turns up like drag queen, late and does no work, ignores you then verbally attacks you that makes Kevin n Perry look like church mice

Happy Days

..and I dont give a hoot- this is common place in lots of classrooms in ALL schools having taught in a few.

hoot as in what you parent MN think.

Our Education system makes me want to home school my child

Dealing with tricky parents and tricky kids is part of the job, just as dealing with tricky clients/customers is part of other jobs. Everyone needs to blow off steam about bad days, but they also need to find ways to manage the people they work with and work for.
These kids are not robots. Sometimes they have bad days - we need to have strategies to deal with this as part of our overall pastoral responsibility. If they are repeatedly tricky use the sanctions policies you have in place, if the policies are shit then move somewhere where they are better...?

Kevin and Perry were invented because they are achetypes.

Schools should have systems in place whereby known-to-be-difficult parenst are seen by a member of SLT, or at least that SLT sit in and support. You shouldn't have to be dealing with them on your own. And if you are SLT, a governor could sit in and support.

As a Head of Key Stage, I have quite often had to deal with v difficult parents but the couple that I know to be particularly unpleasant, I 'delegate' upwards!

Janeite - this is very reasonbale to expect - number of my colleagues would have benefited from such a policy this week alone (sadly)

clemette - I find your post patronising after tens years i DO KNOW THIS however there seems little to protect staff - Yeah and moving schools is so easy and you dont realy know school until you work there for a least two terms - policies are one thing actions are another. Have a sense of humour please re kevin and perry comment - jeez

Like I said ten years ands not ashamed to admit feeling synical not about teaching but about the system.

Isn't the drop out rate for teachers something along the lines of 1/3 after 3 years teaching and a half after 5?
Despite the salary, holidays and pensions?
Something needs to change.
I'm still waiting for the influx of bright young things from the City we were told would be heading our way in the recession.

cynical

Is that me or your spelling you are correcting bigeyes?

My spelling!

Oh I am slow, X posted I have just realised how that may have looked