At what point in your road to having DC did you realise that forging a good career and getting to see your DC as much as you want are pretty much incompatible?

[Freddysteddy]

I think I realised this before I got pregnant, but not long before - so post-taking-out-a-big-mortgage.

My friend has just worked this out this month having gone back to work f/t with a 6 mo baby in nursery.

Some people see it coming for years, I guess and maybe don't bother trying to get a career?

Just wondered where you stand on this whole thing.

life with children is difficult requires planning and juggling

when i think of my spontaneity and free time.

drink after work
shopping
quickly arranged lunches
wee trips

ah that was fun

but so is being a mum and planning the minutiae

">wee trips"

Don't you do even MORE of those as a parent, scottishmummy??!

My niece is 35 and she's just got pupillage at a law firm, having finally decided what she wants to do with her life. She thinks she's got tons of time to have children and a career and have it all - I look at her and wish there was some way she could learn form other people's experience, but we don't, do we? We only learn from our own!

aye to park but not on the hoof.all meticulous planning these days

Wolfram I would also have worked regardless of what DH earned. Not just because of changing circumstances but also to keep me sane. I have no gripe with people who choose not to work, but for me, it's necessary.

My children are in ft nursery
I work about 45 hour weeks in work and some more in the evenings when required

I get up at 5.30 to do 45 mins excercise and then much about with the girls until we are ready and go to nursery at 8.
My husband picks them up at 5 and I get home at at best 7 to do the bathing cuddling and endless Tiger Went to Tea reading

They are asleep by 8 and then I mumsnet to bedtime (lol)

I adore my children and I adore my career.
I have been promoted twice in the last 2 years and I have 2 daughters under 3.

I think it very much depends on the company you work for and thus far they have promoted the best candidate not the candidate without mat leave commitments or childcare arrangements.

I think I'm very very lucky but I'm knackered. I worry all the time that I don't do enough with my children but I try to devote all my time to them when I can and all my time to work when I can.
Having children has made me a better time and people manager.

When I read the tiger who came to tea, the tiger has a 1950s style bbc newsreader voice. I have no idea why.

Ronaldinhio my company would, without doubt, promote me if I was the best candidate for the job - they would not use p/t working/childcare commitments as an excuse not to.

However, I would not put myself in the position of applying for promotion as I know I cannot do the hours that are expected of me (similar to the ones you have stated you do) so I think it is unfair to both parties to commit to a job I can't carry out properly.

DH works away a lot so I have no-one to pick the DC's up from nursery - if he had a 9-5 job and was home every evening, I might think differently, who knows.

yes that's true seeker

in many ways, me accidentally falling pregnant was a blessing in disguise. Not only did I get my gorgeous dd (and soon after ds) but it also meant I was done with having children by the time I was 28 so I had ample time to go back to work and make a good job of it. I also didn't have to worry about when to have them (something I often hear women talking about at work!).

Friends who have had their children later (like late 30s) but who haven't really been sold on their career have generally given up what they were doing.

but everyone's circumstances different and it's often difficult to put yourself in someone else's shoes because we all feel quite strongly about our own choices I think (which is why these threads often flare up) though I still believe that, in the main, most parents are completely respectful about others' choices, even if they aren't what they would personally do themselves!

my tiger also has a very odd rp accented old man voice...how very strange

There is a part of me that questions how selfish I am to keep ploughing along mindlessly with a career but I selfishly don't dwell upon it.

Sometimes you can be more effective if organised in pt hours than another person on ft hours. It depends how you represent the result gained to presenteeism culture argument at interview imho

I see what you mean and it is not really the p/t vs f/t issue I am thinking about as my company would be open to the job being done on a p/t basis.

It is the fact I absolutely have to leave at 5 on the dot every single night and I have lost count of the number of times my boss has been held up in meetings until way past 5 and I would hate having to excuse myself from meetings and drawing attention to the fact I had to leave iyswim. I have also seen how stressed my boss is with her workload etc - that just isn't for me and I wouldn't want to start taking work home - it would eat into my MN time for a start

Look at me arguing why I couldn't/don't want to get promoted and the job isn't even vacant

When dp reads the tiger he does a Leslie Phillips voice "Ding DONG!"

I have found it easier to leave on time the higher up I go. I just leave. And again, I have a really good employer - waffling on meetings are not encouraged, for one. I do work from home sometimes, but not often, and only once they've gone to bed, so it doesn't eat into their time.

(The tiger is so stately, he demands a voice in keeping)

Ooh a scallywag tiger. He is quite naughty I suppose, drinking all daddy's beer...

Maybe you can do both? I suspect the concept is there to be honed? I am looking into rolling something out in NW London......watch this space ladies (and gents)

Oh yes, the higher up you are the more flexibility and able to "work from home" because you are essentially your own boss. I worked hard in my 20s and now mostly delegate to people below me. I am quite high up, but with very flexible job. IME parents and especially mothers are the most efficient hardworking loyal (if treated well) employees you can wish for. There are family-friendly bosses and companies out there (still)

I think it depends on several things - including your definition of career vs job but also your industry/company/etc.

I always knew I wouldn't be able to go on as I had - long hours, unpredictable, sudden travel but I intend to set up shop for myself working from home a couple of days a week. I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to handle it and then I saw a friend go back to work and she honestly doesn't see her kids for more than 1 day a week from March until September. I waited until I was older to have kids I would like to spend some time with them and understand that will mean my career will be on hold regardless of whether I work or not.