Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed at my grandma trying to give dds tiramisu?

128 replies

ladyofshallots · 03/06/2009 20:55

My grandmother is constantly trying to stuff 19 month old and 3 year old dds with rubbish, even though she knows my views on healthy eating. I know she is from a different generation with different ideas and I do try to give her some leeway, but she insists on trying to get dd1 away from me so she can sneakily give her extra strong mints . She takes dd1 for a walk every week and I suspect it is for the express purpose of secretly feeding her crap she knows I won't allow.

Today dh had to stop her spooning brandy soaked tiramisu into 19 month old dd2, so she immediately turned to dd1 before I managed to stop her. Dd1 of course had a tantrum then and my grandma said 'oh you've got to give her something.'

It's driving me mad. I'm not even overly strict - I don't mind the odd bit of chocolate and we bake cakes at home. I have tried explaining what I like them to eat and giving some suggestions, but she seems to enjoy undermining me.

She is also very controlling with the dds, particularly dd1 and seems to want to take over whenever she is with them. She is overly affectionate to the point of being suffocating and I feel as if she regards dd1 as hers rather than mine. Dd2 is very clingy so she doesn't pay as much attention to her. I do try to let some things go, but whenever she takes dd1 out for a walk she refuses to eat her evening meal. If I confront my grandma she denies giving her sweets and acts offended.

OP posts:
ReallyReally · 03/06/2009 22:55

I think the problem would be if your children started demanding those things at home

my mother gives mine sweets, but at home it's home-made cake or nowt - they don't ask for sweets because they know I don't have them

having said that she will give them three smarties at a time, not the packet

Original poster
ladyofshallots · 03/06/2009 22:57

I think the problem is that I am an all or nothing type person. I am terrified of losing control and worry if I let one thing go it will be a slippery slope. I just find it hard to let go and don't see why she can't just ask me first when she knows how I feel.

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 03/06/2009 23:00

I'd say don't be afraid to be your children's advocate. I know alot of people say oh it's only a bit, or they'll be eating crap in a year or so anyway - but that doesn't mean that you have to agree with that! Not all kids do eat crap and it's not being precious to want that. It's not being awful not to be that bothered, either; I just think it's ok to make a stand on this issue if you feel strongly.

You don't have to put up with it; perhaps make it a rule that they can have sweets once a week and ASK your granny to provide those? But make it very clear that it's important to you it's once only. And don't be afraid to make a fuss - that's what I mean about being their advocate. No one better than mum to do that.

slowreadingprogress · 03/06/2009 23:01

I mean, when you were being pressed to eat inappropriately past the point of fullness, how good would it have been to have your mum say "stop, enough, leave her alone"!!

ReallyReally · 03/06/2009 23:02

well it's not a slippery slope; and you don't always have to be in control, for a start. Your granny is trying to spoil her great-grandchildren and really there's no point hurting her by ripping things off them when she's trying to 'treat' them

if she sees them once a week for a walk and a couple of mints it's not really so much of a problem.

I do think "I feel as if she regards dd1 as hers rather than mine" is a little OTT - she's probably delighted to have the chance to play granny again, how many people get to do that?

What memories of her do you have? Did she give you treats and coddle you? Do you remember that fondly or not?

Original poster
ladyofshallots · 03/06/2009 23:04

Thanks srp, that si how I feel - I just don't see the point of giving them crap now whilst I still have control over their diets on the basis that they'll eat crap later anyway. Surely it is all the more important to give them a good foundation in healthy eating then.

OP posts:
Original poster
ladyofshallots · 03/06/2009 23:06

I do have fond memories of her rr, I used to like going to her house.

OP posts:
slowreadingprogress · 03/06/2009 23:07

exactly LOS - I don't get the logic of that. Might as well say, oh let them behave dreadfully now because they'll be teenagers one day!!!

ReallyReally · 03/06/2009 23:07

did she give you mints?

Original poster
ladyofshallots · 03/06/2009 23:13

Probably. And crisps six months past their sell by date. And slightly woolly humbugs from the depths of her pocket.

OP posts:
Ronaldinhio · 03/06/2009 23:15

yabvu

now I can't stop thinking about homemade tiramisu being spooned into my gapping, grateful, gob

bit readers wives near the end there...non?

Twinklemegan · 03/06/2009 23:16

I read these threads and I worry that I just don't care enough about DS.

jemart · 03/06/2009 23:18

YABU - its a pudding and therefore a treat.
My girls love Tiramisu. I put Amaretto in mine, about 2 tablespoonfuls, but that is one huge pudding, enough for like 10 servings.

toddlerama · 03/06/2009 23:20

Surely the point is that she's undermining you and the way you want to raise your children? I think YANBU to say stop when your kids are being given alcohol in any form at that age. I'm not a Dr, but someone with more medical knowledge will be able to confirm that children's livers cannot process it AT ALL and 'just a bit' can actually be very harmful. Anecdotal 'well I did and I was fine' evidence doesn't tell the whole story.

Sneaking off and giving them things which she later denies just means you can't trust her. When she's looking after your kids, she needs to be honest about what happens with them. Tell her that baldly. It isn't unreasonable to want to be able to trust the person who is with your children.

sorry to go on - this is a pet hate of mine!

Original poster
ladyofshallots · 03/06/2009 23:22

Yes, it is a trust thing toddlerama.

OP posts:
Twinklemegan · 03/06/2009 23:24

I would like to hear of a parent (other than toddlerama and the OP) who hasn't let their pre-school DC try a tiny sip of their wine/beer. Bring it on and make me feel really bad.

Twinklemegan · 03/06/2009 23:27

Seriously though, the mints would worry me a lot more because of the choking risk. And yes there is definitely a trust issue here. I suspect she isn't trying to undermine, she's just from a different age which was much less risk aware.

Ronaldinhio · 03/06/2009 23:43

trust issue?

now yabu

christ on a bike

Colonelcupcake · 03/06/2009 23:45

Twinklemegan, Me I have a 2.5 and a 1.5yr old, they have never had any alcohol and I would be livid if anyone gave it to them, as a previous poster has said about the damage it can do to their young livers I could not do it and live with the guilt later on if something occured. I agree that the grandparent probably simply does not acknowledge the risk, and if it was a once in a blue moon I would turn a blind eye (not with the alcohol, with the other junk stuff) but every week, I would definately be saying something, I am constantly fighting with my fil who insists on trying to give my two packets of fruit pastilles, chocolate buttons, mints of various varieties and then they don't want dinner. to the op I know exactly how you feel and yanbu

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 23:47

My Nanny used to take me to the bakers early in the morning when i was very young and stayed with her (and mum as well) so she could buy me a fresh cream cake for breakfast YUMMYYYYY then we would go home with the fresh bread and she would make us all a lovely breakfast of either nelsons eye or eggy bread or some other fully greasy delight....ohhh it was wonderful all cooked in beef dripping.

Ronaldinhio · 03/06/2009 23:51

nelson's eye?

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 23:52

Ronaldinho

fry the bread and cut a hole in the middle then drop an egg into the hole and fry....very tasty when you are 5

Ronaldinhio · 03/06/2009 23:53

very tasty when you are, ahem, 24.....

Tortington · 03/06/2009 23:53

pmsl @pissed up tiramisu. fgs. its rather arsey

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 23:55

and errr when you are 34 as well lol.

mind you nan used to make alot of things

used to love her pease pudding mmmmmmmmm

Swipe left for the next trending thread