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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be slightly annoyed by this

59 replies

mumsway · 03/06/2009 15:03

MIL did a favour for my sister a while back so my sister bought her a photo frame thinking that she would put a photo of my 2 dc in it. I mentioned once in conversation that although FIL takes hundreds of photos of them non of them were ever on show in a frame. The only ones they had on show were a couple that we had done for them.

Anyway she had dd yesterday for a couple of hours and when I went to pick her up I noticed the photo frame and it had a picture of BIL and his girlfriend in it. I know this probably sounds so trivial but do you think IABU about this. I have told my sister and she is quite annoyed too.

OP posts:
Amapoleon · 03/06/2009 15:06

Is this a joke?

Original poster
mumsway · 03/06/2009 15:07

no why?

OP posts:
ilovetochat · 03/06/2009 15:07

honestly yabu sorry, the frame was a gift, they get to choose what photo to put in unless you put a photo in before giving it.

foofi · 03/06/2009 15:07

YABU - instead of giving her a photo frame 'thinking' it was for a photo of your children, you could have actually put the photo in it. As you didn't, you can't complain what she used the gift for.

stillstanding · 03/06/2009 15:07

Mumsway, I do understand your hurt over there not being more photos of your dcs but I'm afraid you are being unreasonable. If you give someone an empty photoframe they can put whatever photos they want in it and (if they are anything like me!) will probably just put in whatever is nearest to hand. Why don't you give her a lovely frame with pictures of your dcs already in it? I am sure she would love that and that the absence of photos is just an oversight.

FfreckleFface · 03/06/2009 15:08

Um, I think you are being a little unreasonable. If the frame was meant specifically for a picture of your children, maybe your sister could have put one in before giving the frame to your MIL.

It was a lovely gesture by your sister, but you can't really dictate what your ILs put in an empty frame.

Bobblebuddy · 03/06/2009 15:08

My GPs used to be a bit like this. To get round it (and annoy them just a little) we used to give the frames with pictures already in them! did the trick.

Can see how you and your sister would be a bit put out by it, but unless you actually put pics in the frames and your ILs took them out, I suppose strictly speaking it is up to them what they put in there.

But having said that, most people would use the frames for members of the branch of family they came from, rather than an unrelated branch.

I would wait for another present opportunity and give them pre-loaded frames, then see what happens....

beanieb · 03/06/2009 15:08

YABU.

It's entirely up to them which photos they put up.

If you really want them to have one why don't you give them a picture already framed? Then they can decide if they want to display it.

nickytwotimes · 03/06/2009 15:09

Yabu a bit U.
What does it matter really?
Or is it symptomatic of other problems in teh realtionship?

hullygully · 03/06/2009 15:10

I think it's really quite horrible of them, they must have known that the right thing to do was to put your dc in it, what's wrong with them? I'd be really angry and upset, I would probably not speak to them again.

Geocentric · 03/06/2009 15:11

I'm like stillstanding - just pop whatever's handy in the frame. Maybe thats what happened?

You could try the 'I noticed you don't have any recent pics of DCs so I printed you one' line - works with my sil who never prints anything...

stillstanding · 03/06/2009 15:45

Now if they took photos of your DCs out of a frame that you gave them then I would be very cross ...

Thunderduck · 03/06/2009 15:46

FGS Hully that'd be a major overreaction.

OP YABU.

mrsruffallo · 03/06/2009 15:48

I think Hully's joking

Tidey · 03/06/2009 15:49

I can see your point, it used to annoy me that my MIL had lots of pics of her other GC but none of my children, despite her taking lots, so I gave them one in a frame as part of their xmas gift. I'm afraid the other posters are right - unless the frame had a picture of them in it and she removed it in favour of another picture, you can't really be too cross about it.

Thunderduck · 03/06/2009 15:49

I hope so. It wouldn't surprise me if some people, not Hully, would do that though over such a little thing.

Tamarto · 03/06/2009 15:53

lol @ hully.

The thing is it's all very well thinking something, but in order for people to know what is expected you have to do more than think it.

The thing to do here would have been to put a pic in the frame.

hobbgoblin · 03/06/2009 15:53

I posted a thread recently about when you have nothing to worry about you start getting all het up about trivial stuff. Unless there are deeper issues here which you don't go into then YABU.

Stop being wet and either tell them how to adorn their home photographically and to your requirements, put the photo you'd like in said 'gift' picture frame (incidentally not a gift from you) or, um, find something worth getting your knicks in a twist over, yes?

bumptwitknocker · 03/06/2009 15:54

Give her a new photo frame with a photo of your DDs already in it. Then you could only complain when she removed the photo.

mrsruffallo · 03/06/2009 15:54

I hope so too!
This is silly, OP, of course YABU

notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 15:55

Rofl at hully, surely that is not a serious post.

Op I think YAB quite ridiculously U. They obviously see your dc and do bother to take photo's why do they need to display them?

My mil took the picture of my dc out of the frame we gave her for Christmas after a couple of months and it now displays my nephew at worst my thought was... meh.

hullygully · 03/06/2009 16:00

It is a very serious post, I am surprised you don't think so. I am fed up with the cavalier way other people treat gifts. I gave my ILs some lovely napkin rings (gold plated with garnet insets) two years ago and they haven't used them once! How rude is that? After the last lunch when they used paper (!) ones, I told dh I'm not going again

laweaselmys · 03/06/2009 16:00

Given that your sister gave her the frame it's not surprising that she put a picture of your sister in it. If your dc gave her the frame it would make sense for her to put a photo of them in it...

Thunderduck · 03/06/2009 16:02

It's called a gift, not an order for a reason.

Are you absolutely sure that you're serious?

jumpingbeans · 03/06/2009 16:02

my mil used to have phots of all the family on her sideboard, if you upset her she would put you at the back when we visited we would all have a look to see who was in favour.