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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at parents who send their kids to school with packs of chocolates, sweets and other sugary items to be DISTRIBUTED among the children

190 replies

OrangeFish · 02/06/2009 16:22

I might be, or I might not... but I can not understand the rationale of sending their kids with all these sugared items with the sole intention to be distributed to the other children in the class.

Am I unreasonable in getting annoyed at parents assuming that it is OK to give sweets to children without their parents having a say on it? is it ok for the teacher to distribute them just as they leave the classroom at the end of the day? I understand she doesn't want to deal with a crowd of 6 years old on a chocolate high, but why to assume we, the parents would be ok with it?

This is a sensitive topic to me... in the best case scenario, my son would be left empty handed as he couldn't have some sweets without risking a severe allergic reaction; in the worst case scenario, if he eats/touches the wrong thing he may end up in hospital.... so I wanted to know what is the consensus for this as I'm obviously biassed due to DS's particular problems.

Do you think it is OK for sweets to be distributed freely at the door of the classroom?

OP posts:
jellyhead · 03/06/2009 16:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Thunderduck · 03/06/2009 16:05

I can think of a lot of better things than a chocolate biscuit. A slice of cake for example, or a bar of chocolate, or two chocolate biscuits.

oliverboliverbutt · 03/06/2009 16:30

I'm perfectly ok with my kids having the occasional cupcake or sweetie for someone's bday.
What drives me batshit are the mums after school on the playground who bring bags of cookies and sweets for all the kids - EVERYDAY!
i had to tell my dd & ds to politely decline their offers and had to resort to having a 'sweetie day' where my kids can go to the shop and pick out whatever they want.
They would be eating this crap everyday if it were up to these women.

beckysharp · 03/06/2009 16:35

Indeed, Thunderduck, but the point is that the kids like it because it is a treat, and not something that happens all the time. Rather than a constant drip feed of sugary stuff.

Hther · 03/06/2009 16:40

thank goodness, people used to think i was some weirdo freak to not like it

and this was a school that did have a health eating policy

The topic for the term was food. They were learning about milk and where dairy products come from, so they made milkshake, had a choice of strawberry, banana or chocolate. And i sppose even the first two were made using milkshake powder not proper fruit. And they were each given a party ring biscuit with the milkshake too.

The following week they were learning about cereals, so they made porridge and tasted cornflakes and I noticed a bowl of sugar on the table.

The following week they were reading the gingerbread man and gave gingerbread men biscuits too.

And on the from when she first started, under allergies/special diet I said like to encourage healthy eating. They thought i was so unreasonable to be unhappy about this, I didn't dare sggest they introduce a policy of not allowing children to take biscuits, cake etc in. I had been a bit miffed when i got the brochuure before she started that it said children may take cake or sweets to share on their birthday but assumed all schools were the same like that. But when the teachers started giving biscits etc i was really fed up. Nice to know some schools only allow fruit saadia.

actually these healthy school meals include chips, chocolate and ice cream; i wonder what the breakfast clubs are like

notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 17:23

There is nothing unhealthy about occasional chips, chocolate or ice cream though and most lea's are quite strict on the frequency that they are offered.

It's not up to schools to constantly vet children's food. It's up to us as parents to provide a healthy diet that is flexible enough to accommodate a couple of haribo or a bit of cake.

I'm sick to death of my dc being told by school what they can and can't eat and drink, how they should brush their teeth, and how much exercise they should do just because some parents can't be arsed to do it themselves.

If parents don't want their children to have sweets/crisps/biscuits/cake or anything else brought in to school then either
tell the teacher not to give them anything or graciously accept them but don't let your children eat them and stop blardy moaning and spoiling it for everybody else.

sarah293 · 03/06/2009 17:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 18:21

"Some days I wish I could just give her sweets and chips!"

I know what you mean... my son is not in such a restricted diet but when I was coming to terms with his dietary restrictions (and learning how to cook again as he couldn't have anything we were used to), I could be smiling for a day every time I found a product he could eat.

He was able to have something that resembles a proper pizza for the first time a few weeks ago. I was so happy I could have called the news!

OP posts:
curlygal · 03/06/2009 19:19

I am still emotionally scarred from this issue at primary school.

My mum banned treats of any kind at any point.

after parties she would take the party bag and put it in the bin.

Once I was given sweets at school (I think it was actually by the teacher as a prize - this was the 1980's) and my mum marched up to the school and had a go at the teacher and from that point on everyone else got sweets and I got a crap stencil or similar.

This happened when I was five. I am now 35 and still have clear memories of it of being singled out etc and issues with food - treats etc.

Obviously if your child has allergies that is a separate issue. But in terms of a couple of sweets I personally don;t have a problem with it and would far rather DS has a few sweets than feels excluded and picked on and ends of with issues re food.

For his b-day I do fairy cakes to take in - one for each child and ones for teachers. I assume that the staff will know if there are any wheat/egg/dairy allergies and do feel a bit sorry for the ones who cannot have one of the (delicous obviously ) cakes

piscesmoon · 03/06/2009 19:37

I hope people take note of your experience curlygal-unless they have allergies (which you can work around)it is just a very small treat which means a huge amount to the birthday DC-it is real killjoy to spoil it for them.

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 19:43

But piscesmoon the problem is not the allergic child (alternative sweets can be provided, by me, his mother). It is the frequency and that many times they are not even related to birthdays.

As I said in my post below, I just wanted to know what was the general consensus, not to initiate a campaign to ban birthday celebrations in schools.

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 19:45

Curlygal, your mother was mean.

OP posts:
oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 19:48

I was at a birthday party where the birthday girl wasn't allowed the cake and biscuits provided for the others. Everyone sang happy birthday, she blew out her candles then the others ate the cake in front of her. It was hideous.

mum23monkeys · 03/06/2009 19:51

It won't be 30 lots of treats a year for each class - some people time their babies carefully for school holiday birthdays. I have 3 dc with birthdays that always fall in the holidays. But maybe I'm just too stingy to fork out for sweeties/cake/biscuits/anything fun.

I also wonder if everyone knows how the healthy schools thing works. A school can't get healthy school status while using a deep fat fryer for chips. They will be oven baked or cooked using some fancy steam method and be very low in fat.

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 20:55

schools food trust gives the nutritional standard for food in schools and gives the rules on how often you can serve stuff like deep fryed food (2x a week) and meat products "Only one meat product (manufactured or homemade) from each of the four separate groups can be provided within a fortnight." etc.

I think for healthy school status they have do have loads of HSPC and PE and stuff as well as not feeding them sweets everyday.

stitchtime · 03/06/2009 20:56

yabu

piscesmoon · 03/06/2009 22:20

I find that if the DCs know what the DC is allergic to they usually provide something suitable. It isn't many-all my DCs have birthdays in the holidays and so they have never done it-they are not the only ones. A lot of DCs never do it because their parents don't send sweets. If you have a healthy balanced diet at home a small treat is just that-a small treat(they are usually fun bar sized).

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 22:54

stop sending ds1 b'day treats in as his is in holidays but i still do it.

meltedmarsbars · 05/06/2009 13:53

our school has healthy school status: allotment for kids to grow stuff, good school meals, fuit for yr,1,2,3 and dried fuit on sale for y4,5

and....

they allow treats to be brought in for birthdays - but they are handed out at the end of school as the children go to parents.

katiestar · 05/06/2009 13:59

Haven' read all 6 pages but surely the reason that they give themm out as they go out of the door is so that you, as parent can decide whether they are allowed them or not.

Jacanne · 05/06/2009 14:24

"I hate it!

Too often the kdis come out with some crap that has been handed out for someones birthday. Usually Haribo or some really chewy disgusting sweet, sometimes a lolly.

If mine want to take things in for their birthday I send mini milky ways or mini twixes. Much better imo."

I have to be honest and say that if ever I do this I usually choose Haribo or lollies because they are dairy-free and dairy allergies are very common - the idea being that nobody is left out.

DD's school is a Healthy School so you are allowed to hand out stuff in the playground as long as parents are asked and not in school.

I have no problem with it - it doesn't happen that often.

Overmydeadbody · 05/06/2009 14:39

This just doesn't happen at DS's school

Overmydeadbody · 05/06/2009 14:41

I would not class mini milky ways or twixes as "much better" than a lollipop or bag of haribo. In what way is it "much better"?

katiestar · 05/06/2009 14:52

Not in contact with the teeth as long ,less additives too I would imagine.Chocolate is high in calories and fat true but it does have some nutritional benefit

mollyroger · 05/06/2009 17:03

I love it if ds gets sweets at school. he is really picky so 9 out 10 times, he doesn;''t like the proferred treat and i get to eat it instead....