Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at parents who send their kids to school with packs of chocolates, sweets and other sugary items to be DISTRIBUTED among the children

190 replies

OrangeFish · 02/06/2009 16:22

I might be, or I might not... but I can not understand the rationale of sending their kids with all these sugared items with the sole intention to be distributed to the other children in the class.

Am I unreasonable in getting annoyed at parents assuming that it is OK to give sweets to children without their parents having a say on it? is it ok for the teacher to distribute them just as they leave the classroom at the end of the day? I understand she doesn't want to deal with a crowd of 6 years old on a chocolate high, but why to assume we, the parents would be ok with it?

This is a sensitive topic to me... in the best case scenario, my son would be left empty handed as he couldn't have some sweets without risking a severe allergic reaction; in the worst case scenario, if he eats/touches the wrong thing he may end up in hospital.... so I wanted to know what is the consensus for this as I'm obviously biassed due to DS's particular problems.

Do you think it is OK for sweets to be distributed freely at the door of the classroom?

OP posts:
onagar · 03/06/2009 00:02

Do the badge thing like I said. Then your kid need never again bring home a treat. There is no compulsion to accept a freely given gift if that's how you feel.

LadyAga · 03/06/2009 07:38

It's not for other mum's to decide whether it is ok for your child to eat sweets.

The decision lies with you and these occasions do undermine your authority and they certainly undermine the way I am raising my children.

There isn't a compulsion to eat it, but it's very cruel to take a sweet away from a child and it's not nice to make their friends think they are different/odd.

If you want to send something in, send someting healthier instead of those nasty, cheap haribo sweets.

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 08:38

When I was younger (much much younger) I could not eat chocolate at all. By the time I was 6 I knew what I could and couldn't have in the way of treats and when given a party bag/treat I would hand the things I wasn't allowed to either siblings or friends.

By 6 a child should know what they are or are not allowed.

oopsagain · 03/06/2009 10:04

my kids are 5 and 3 and are slowly learning about what food has meat in it.

It's hard for them as they learn but i do ask the teachers and offer laternatives.

But i don't want my kids to be having sweets all the time- and as some posters have said, it can be quite frequent.

Anyway, I am aware of how entrenched this need to "treat" other people's kids is and that i'll not help anyone chnage their mind or see my point of view.

Off to do some shopping, bye

PMSLBrokeMN · 03/06/2009 10:12

DS also has severe allergies, I leave replacement treats in his emergency treatment pack for just such occasions. No way would I want him to miss out! Often though the teachers/I read the ingredients and it's fine. He'll always ask me if he can eat it NOW, and if I'm not too happy with it I'll make him wait until after dinner, and if he forgets, then I don't go out of my way to remind him. There are ways to deal with this without getting all worked up!

notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 10:35

I don't think it's a problem tbh if a parent doesn't want them to have the sweets then take them away, thats why they are given out at hometime. I think it's only the children who have had 'treats' made an issue of who will kick up a fuss about not having them tbh.
There seems to be lots of contradictions, people want their child to be included but then don't want them to have the treat. It's either one or the other or should I say you can't have your 'sweet' and eat it

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 11:01

I don't want my child to be excluded.

I don't want my child to be given a treat in excess of twice a week.

I don't want to feel like I can't give my child a treat because he has just had one from someone elses parent.

I don't want the value of treats that I/my family give him to be diminished because he is so used to getting treats that he has come to expect them routinely.

I don't want my children to be brats who expect a constant supply of treats and gifts.

I don't think I am contridicting myself. I want other people to stop compulsively buying gifts for children who are not their own for no reason at all. A piece of cake or chocolate or haribo on a birthday is one thing, being given a treat twice weekly from people at school in addition to ordinary party bags, birthday parties, family parties, religious celebrations, treats at home and treats from relatives is something else.

jellybeans · 03/06/2009 11:08

I think it's OK I let my kids do it as every other kid does. Everything in moderation... However if I knew a child had sweet allergies I would prob send somethig else for them/all of them. They don't have to eat it.

notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 11:16

The point is oodles that you don't have to let your child eat the sweets.
My ds came out of school with three boiled sweets that someone brought back from a holiday.
He said "look Joe gave us these, can I have them?"
I said "That was kind of him, but no you can't have them today, I thought we have some icecream after tea because its been so hot"
Ds said "Ok, yum ice cream"
The sweets are in the bin.

He was not excluded, he had the sweets.

I still got to give him a treat.

He does not hang round at the school door expecting treats and kick up a fuss when non are provided nor does he expect sweet stuff everyday.

The people who bring in the sweets are obviosly not meaning any harm, and I think that it should be more a case of it's the thought that counts.

MrsPuddleduck · 03/06/2009 11:30

Just had a letter from school saying that children are no longer to bring in sweets to share on birthdays as it is not in line with their healthy eating policy.

I think it is really miserable of them.

Stigaloid · 03/06/2009 11:32

Blimey - at one of my schools we had 2 boiled sweets allowed with our lunch during the week and on sundays we were allowed a fudge bar or curlywurly. sweets were rationed but allowed. If it bothers you take the sweets away from the kids and tell them you don't like them eating sweets. Or tell the teacher - no sweets to be handed out to my child please.

OrmIrian · 03/06/2009 11:39

YABU. For many parents sweets aren't seen as forbidden things. They aren't by me. And in most cases it's only a tiny amt.

Your son's allergy is unfortunate but it can't be allowed to dictate to all the othe children surely?

notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 11:41

*obviously

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 11:44

I don't want to take away a well intentioned present from my child. I think that would be mean both to my child and the person who was kind enough to give it. I just don't want them to be given treats (sweets or otherwise) with such frequency that they are no longer treats but just something very ordinary. The point of a treat is it is something nice that you have occasionally. I don't mind my children eating sweets. I do mind them thinking that they are entitled to be treated to something or other with such frequency.

saggyjuju · 03/06/2009 11:48

my son is only going to reach 5feet 2 inch max as an adult,if the health visitors predictions are correct, and they were done at the age where an accurate calculation can be made.he has what i can only describe as a horizontal outlook on life,which has its benefits,he has always been an easy child and well liked by all and praised by his teachers for his gentle ways.now this is ok,but at eleven and yes he does do sporting activities twice weekly,he is plonking on weight which shows because he is so short,he has always been given a healthy diet,but like the original poster has said,he gets to school and other kids whose parents give them a couple of quid and send them to the shop,letting them get what they want,JUNK,hand out or trade their crap to which my son relishes,i wouldnt mind but its a school thats supposed to have only healthy food on site! what more can i do?

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 11:58

You Know there was a time when I would have took sweets away from ds1 as I went through a stage of a strict no sweet policy...it lasted a very short time lol. Now he can have sweets and has money to buy them. However now he has the freedom to do so he doesn't do it often so any sweets he gets are a major treat.

so yes everything in moderation.

wahwahwah · 03/06/2009 11:58

only annoyed if they don't distribute to the parents too.

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/06/2009 12:00

Lol at the thread title with DISTRIBUTED in caps. Don't know what is so outrageuous about the actual DISTRIBUTION!

However though I do agree with the OP in that sweets and other assorted crap should not be allowed really. Apart from the fact that you never know if other parents allow sweets at all (and how arrogant to assume that it doesn't matter) there are the added considerations of allergies, vegetarian and muslim kids who can't eat gelatine etc etc.

Also, I think that teachers and assistants have quite enough to cope with without doling out sweets at home time. It is a school for heavens sake, why the heck should they do this?

I cheered to the roof tops when dd's school blanket banned it. Why would anyone get het up over the right to dish out sweets to 30 kids for their birthdays. As if birthdays weren't fraught enough.

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 12:00

"note to self" send wahwahwah sweeties

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 12:02

Getorf but nothing stops the parents taking the sweets away if they don't want their child to have them. As for allergies/muslims etc why should all the class suffer for these children.

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/06/2009 12:06

And I say this with a nice big bag or Tangfastics in my handbag!

wahwahwah · 03/06/2009 12:08

I thank you (bows). Gummi Bears appreciated (red and orange ones only)

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 12:08

Parents of children with allergies (I'm one of them) are usually very good at exchanging an unsafe food for a safe one ime. If you have a child with an allergy then you make sure they know that they have to ask before they eat long before they start school. I did pick ds up from playgroup once and he was sucking the wrapper of a King size snickers which I wasn't too impressed by. Don't know why anybody would give a king size snickers to any 2yo regardless of allergies tbh.

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 12:11

I can't stand jelly sweets now. I used to love them, especially the dummys. i don't know if they have changed or its me. I suspect its me. I can't manage a whole mars bar now, I cut them in half .

GetOrfMoiLand · 03/06/2009 12:13

Evenstar - I don't think that the children suffer from not having birthday sweets.

And I am not militant about sweets, dd had sweets quite a lot.

What I really mind is the blanket assumption that it is somehow a right that schools should allow this. Like I said in my last post, it is a school. Did anyone here have sweets/cake/whaveter distributed at school when they were children? I certainly did not. We had birthday parties, cakes etc outside school, not whilst at school. And I can't say that I suffered from the lack of it.

It is a bloody tyrrany, making sure that I had enough sweets/cakes for dd's birthday to distribute in class that day (as well as the party/family celebrations etc). So I was pleased when the school banned it as it saved any argument - personally I think they banned it as it was a potential minefield and probably a pita to organise.

I personally was never bothered about dd eating sweets or not, I didn't personally have a problem with it, but I do appreciate that others do.