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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at parents who send their kids to school with packs of chocolates, sweets and other sugary items to be DISTRIBUTED among the children

190 replies

OrangeFish · 02/06/2009 16:22

I might be, or I might not... but I can not understand the rationale of sending their kids with all these sugared items with the sole intention to be distributed to the other children in the class.

Am I unreasonable in getting annoyed at parents assuming that it is OK to give sweets to children without their parents having a say on it? is it ok for the teacher to distribute them just as they leave the classroom at the end of the day? I understand she doesn't want to deal with a crowd of 6 years old on a chocolate high, but why to assume we, the parents would be ok with it?

This is a sensitive topic to me... in the best case scenario, my son would be left empty handed as he couldn't have some sweets without risking a severe allergic reaction; in the worst case scenario, if he eats/touches the wrong thing he may end up in hospital.... so I wanted to know what is the consensus for this as I'm obviously biassed due to DS's particular problems.

Do you think it is OK for sweets to be distributed freely at the door of the classroom?

OP posts:
notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 12:14

How is it mean to tell a child they can have something later? I think it's more ungrateful to complain about a well intentioned gift.

I don't think I have ever known a child come out of school expecting the teacher to give them something, if it really is a problem at your school perhaps you should suggest to the teachers that things should only be brought in for birthdays.

Personally I like to have a treat every day, sometimes the treat is a long bath, sometimes it's watching what I want to watch on the television, sometimes it's a cake in the staffroom at work it's still a treat.

I have the same principle with my dc and they still appreciate every single one, be it going to the park after school, going bowling at the weekend, ice-cream on a sunny day, watching cbeebies or eating a sticky sweet that someone has sent in from school. I don't make a big issue of it and my children don't say whats the treat today. It's just nice to do or have nice things.

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 12:33

I don't think its mean to tell a child they can have something later. I think its mean to tell a child that they can't have something at all when they have already been given it. The OPs dc are being given sweets at school twice a week and imo that is too often for a child to be getting a present home from school regardless of what it is. I think there is a huge difference between having a daily treat which involves spending time together etc and being given a present from someone elses parent twice a week.

Galava · 03/06/2009 12:39

YANBU.

Its my sons birthday today actually.

Didnt even think about sending him in with anything. I think its all a bit wierd ....

Oblomov · 03/06/2009 12:44

YABU
It is the norm, these days sadly. Wrong for kids to take sweets in when everyone is trying to healthy eating attitudes. Besides, more wrong, than you need to take anything in at all. Silly idea.
But re allergies, no then the child will just have to go without. Shouldn't prevent 'normal' children from enjoying the sweets. And thats coming from a diabetic who always had to go without.

notsoteenagemum · 03/06/2009 12:49

You said you don't mind your dc having sweets so tell them they can have it at a later date when you choose to let them have a treat, thats not telling them they can't have it.
I do feel you are contradicting yourself by saying you don't mind them having the treat and want them to be included but then don't think it is appropriate for them to be given sweets from someone else. If you let them have it at a later date then YOU not another parent have still allowed them to have it and it's still a treat or is it only a treat if you have paid for it.
I never let my dc eat everything from a party bag in one go they save some for another day, thats not being ungrateful for the gift.
Same goes to op or she should ask the school to restrict to birthdays only.
Thanks for the debate oodles, I have to go to work now.

southeastastra · 03/06/2009 12:51

i blame all these middle class mummies spoiling it for everyone. isn't there something else they can worry about?
perhaps they should go back to work...

TheLadyEvenstar · 03/06/2009 12:54

Getorf, actually when I was at school there were class parties for the children whose birthday it was. As well as parents sending in cakes etc the class would stop working in the morning and all get involved in making cakes for the afternoon....I used to love it. Mind you we also used to make pancakes and christmas cookies.

LadyOfWaffle · 03/06/2009 13:00

pmsl @ SEA

oodlesofpoodles · 03/06/2009 13:29

I don't feel its inappropriate for them to be given sweets by someone else. Its the frequecy which I think is inapropriate. Once they have them I don't want to force them to save them for later for some pointless reason of my own. Once something is given, then it is given and I will let my ds decide if he wants to save it or have it straight away. I have already said I want my dcs to develop self dicipline/impulse control rather than desire instant gratification so to remove something which they already have and decide for them when they can have it would be contradictory. I don't have an arbitary timescale for treat giving.

If someone else gives them a treat then I think that it is very kind and I don't want to sound ungrateful. It just seem that 'in my day' there was possibly around 8 adults who would treat us with material things (sweets, stickers, bubbles, hairbands etc.) and now some children are being given treats by 40-50 adults instead. I think its over indulgent and over commercial and damaging long term.

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 13:30

I'm finding this thread fascinating... particularly about how people can be fueled up and make up an image of what kind of mother I am even when they have not bothered to read further than my first post

[sits back with a bag of popcorn]

OP posts:
GetOrfMoiLand · 03/06/2009 14:22

LadyEvenstar - crikey, thatsounds different from my school!

We didn't have birthday stuff at our school, however Christmas was celebtrated with 3 weeks of increasing madness - the school had a postal system whereby anything (cards, presents) which was posted in a huge box outside the headmaster's office would be delivered to the child in the afternoon, cure classes full of kids opening their presents and cards and whooping for joy. No lessons the whole of December iirc.

Tidey · 03/06/2009 14:25

If my DS had allergy issues I might feel more strongly about it, but it happens so rarely at his school that it doesn't bother me. Some children do take in sweets to give out on their birthdays but definitely not at all of them.

Hulababy · 03/06/2009 14:30

Schools have always allowed this, it is nothing new. TBH they are, IMO, far less likely to do it these days and it almost always comes home at the end of the day for the parent to decide. When I was at school it was given out in school time for the child to decide if they ate it. I can remeber rock coming into school to be shared out reularly when I was at primary school.

BradfordMum · 03/06/2009 14:37

Is it a teeny bit possible that you haves chip on your shoulder because your child cannot participate I this sweety sharing fest?!

I just wondered.

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 14:44

No... Have you read my disclaimer below?

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 14:47

However, it might be very possible that having to concoct a healthy diet with a child that is so difficult to feed has made me a bit aware of the nile nutritional value of sweets, the way that some children's behaviour may be affected by them, and how a child is not going to end up in therapy (fingers crossed) for not having them on a daily basis... I think...

OP posts:
Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 14:49

But it is ok, if I were given the choice I would return to the days when parents sent birthday cakes in instead of packs of sweets but I suppose that considering how pressured some teachers feel about the curriculum they have to follow having a birthday cake 30 times a year may result in a lot of class time lost.

OP posts:
meltedmarsbars · 03/06/2009 14:50

I can go even better: I sent chocs and crisps into school with my dd2 who was 7 yesterday, for her to share out:

AND SHE IS NIL BY MOUTH!!!!

she chokes and aspirates and is tube-fed.

D'you think that is unreasonable?

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 14:52

No, I send a cake even when DS can't have it (his idea, not mine)

OP posts:
Turniphead1 · 03/06/2009 14:52

My eldest is allergic to milk, egg and kiwi so can't have some of the sweets that are brought in by children on their birthdays. She doesn't mind if she can't have them - and is always very touched when a particular child remembers her allergy and brings her something specific that she can have.

I am quite relaxed about the stuff being "sugary" doesn't do them any harm and I think life is too short to worry about such things. If it was every day, maybe - but a maximum of 30 days out of the year ...

I sent her with those fruit leather bars and lots of children "complained" think they would have preferred Haribos...

meltedmarsbars · 03/06/2009 14:55

turniphead1 lol that the kids complain about the type of treat!!

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 15:00

Fruit leather bars? what a luxury! what's in them? need to check them (DS allergic to wheat, egg, dairy, nuts, kiwi, bananas, and some other things that may not be in them). So far DS can only have haribos and the sometimes difficult to find free-from chocolate range.

OP posts:
sarah293 · 03/06/2009 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
OrangeFish · 03/06/2009 15:32

What is a ketogenic diet (sorry for hijacking my own thread but I'm always looking for ideas )

OP posts:
beckysharp · 03/06/2009 15:56

Our school bans all sweets/cakes/crisps/treats etc brought from home.

It is brilliant. No worries about allergies/vegetarians/special diets. No uber-competitive Mummies outdoing each other on the cupcakes. No children hyped up on sugar. No children quarrelling because someone didn't get their fair share. No children wailing at home because their poor stressed working Mum forgot to buy sweets for the whole class.

On their birthday the children get a special choccy biccy from the Head in assembly and the whole school sings happy birthday. What could be better?!