Am I being unreasonable to suggest that kids who are faddy eaters have been "allowed" to become so?

[Lucia39]

This will no doubt get me "flamed" but hell, I don't want to watch the Champions League final so have left other half and teenage son to do so on their own - a good opportunity for some "male bonding" with some beer!

So, what do other parents think? Are faddy eaters born or made?

I recognise that we all have certain foods that we don't particularly care for or like but once those dislikes have been identified surely everything else should be accepted and eaten? I always advocated the "taste it and see" approach which generally worked. Although I wouldn't suggest that a two year old be given red hot Indian food just to "taste and see", but .... you never know!

I also often wonder if some children are faddy because their repertoire has been so limited and/or bland that they view anything that looks or tastes "different" with suspicion.

When I was growing up there was always an option at meal-times "take it or leave it" and my mother held to the view that when we were hungry enough we'd eat. I am also quite sure that a day without solid food will not actually harm any child!

OCDgirl - we had the vomiting thing too. But apparently that is pandering aswell. Perhaps we should make them eat that too.

Ds is 4, btw. And I have to say, I find 4 yr olds who eat anything (especially lots of greens!) a bit odd

The hting is though,Lucia,that many posters have said they have a child who is a "Fussy" eater and others who wipe the plate clean.Presumably they have been treated in the same way.It is a bit like the sleeping issue too.I was smug smug smuggery Mcsmug about ds sleeping.He was a dream baby.DD emerged into the world and was THE WORST sleeper,despite being given the same routine as ds.Oh how I got my just desserts!.So I guess what I am saying is that you cannot attribute fussy eating to a parent pandering to their child.Some children are good eaters,others aren't.End of.It is frustrating enough,I would imagine,without people telling you it is your fault your child won't eat.

ocd - I don't think the vomiting sounds awful at all - difficulty with and gagging on unfamiliar textures is I think part of the whole fussy eater malarkey.

DS1 - former fusspot.
DS2 - 4 years old, human dustbin. Was munching sushi yesterday. He will try anything once.

I believe fussy eaters are born.

I do believe you can make them worse by behaving in a certain way. Perhaps not 'pandering' to them but acting stressed and anxous at mealtimes for eg.

Before I had ds I was of the thinking that if he was fussy I would give him food to try and if not eaten then take it away. No problem I thought!

One problem, he has srious weight gain issues. He gets fed a wide variety of foods but will not eat a large amount of any one food. So, if he won't eat what I give him I don't really have an option to just take it away as he has to take in enough calories. He is on high calorie milk and eats 3 meals a day plus snacks but is still stuck firmly at the bottom of the chart.

What would you ladies of the 'eat it or go without' school think you'd do in this situation? Hmm?

TheCrackFox - I've not given a reply I merely asked you why you're interested. Am I to presuppose that you hold such credentials?

Oh and by the way I don't have DCs or a DH or a DS either I have a son and a husband so let's cut the schmaltz shall we?

My children were both weaned on a wide variety of tastes and textures. DS1 ate nearly everything and would try anything until he was about two. DS2 started expressing his opinion a bit earlier.

I did not offer alternative meals if they weren't eaten. I would offer the newly rejected food about five times before stopping serving it. It was fine if it was lunch as they just ate more at tea. It was not fine if it was tea as they just woke earlier and earlier. They would wake at 4am asking for breakfast. Personally I felt this was a Pyrrhic victory.

I never forced the issue. DS1 started trying new things again at three and is gradually working up his range. He even tried a spinach felafel today, and had three bites to show his dad he was trying. They weren't nice and I like spinach so I gave him more pitta bread.

I don't see where the virtue is in eating unpleasant food. There are plenty of things I think are horrible and I would be aghast if a friend expected me to eat them.

Lucia it isn't schmaltz. It's just standard net speak.

I was a faddy/fussy eater, and I still am.

I was made to eat everything that was put in front of me.

I believe that is why I am a fussy eater as an adult.

wrinklytum hit the nail on the head.

I had a shite sleeper followed by a fabulous sleeper. Nothing I did or didn't do.

Lucia, DS/DH isn't 'schmaltz' it's just web shorthand that's become so well worn users no longer think about it's meaning...so let's cut the patronising tone, shall we?

I remember watching a friend shovelling some God awful pureed spag bol into her wailing child's mouth and thinking 'I can totally understand why the poor kid is protesting'.

I have noticed that one or two contributors who have difficult eaters have stated that that they too were fussy when they were children.

So I wonder if it is nurture rather than nature?

Incidentally, I should point out to all those who feel I am condemning them as useless and inadequate parents that I'm not. This was really begun as a follow-up to the thread about free-range poultry and, as explained in the OP, because I didn't want to watch the Final. Anyway it's deep gloom here as Man U have gone down 2-0. They played very badly apparently!

All this holier than thou stuff is shite tbh.
My dc's eat some things and not others. Just like all their friends seem to.

I have bought them both up the same - eat what's in front of you or go without. (In fact I probably enforce this more with dd than I did with ds but dd is the fussier eater right now.)

My ds slept through the night from six weeks with barely an unsettled night since and yet I couldn't understand other mums complaining about their poor sleepers. Then dd came along! No two children are the same, no matter how you treat them. Some will eat, some will not. Some will sleep, some will not. FGS, they're all different and it doesn't do anyone any good to have the smug brigade sneering at them.

I'm off to watch the end of the Apprentice, so ner.

What about parents of really large families/multiple births? Im willing to bet that they dont tolerate fussy eaters.

Lucia, I am a fussy eater but my children are not.

I am very unfussy, infact fussy eaters children or otherwise, used to really annoy me, i was a smug mum when DS1 turned out to be a great eater, then DS2 came along. Changed my opinions completley.

I don't know if anyone has said this (didn't read all of every page, but quite a bit), but some people are so-called 'super tasters' with more taste buds than others. Must be true as it was on the BBC. They might well be more fussy?

I was totally resolved never to have a fussy child and had read all the books and knew all the answers. Result ... a very reluctant eater. She is not exactly fussy, just can hardly be bothered to eat unless she really likes it - olives, crisps, sausages, strawberries, grapes and cooked carrots. And sometimes curry and rice. Her weight bounces along the bottom of the chart, so that I have mislaid the red book to reduce stress.

Mine (5) will eat ANYTHING at school. Curry, spag bol etc etc. At home she wants plain pasta, carrots. I don;t stress about it. She gets lots of fruit. As a toddler/baby she ate anything she was given.

She'll tell me that at school she had pasta with brocolli, or chicken with mashed potato and how "delicious" it was. I've tried doing the same meals at home, but with limited success. I grew up with lots of "issues" over food and just don't want to go there.

Thunderduck Quote ["Lucia it isn't schmaltz. It's just standard net speak"] End quote

No, take my word, it's schmaltz. Dear/Darling husband/children/son/daughter - pure OTT gush!

and here's me thinking dh stood for dick head

1st (DS1) child severely allergic to milk, egg, nuts. BUT would eat everything given. DD and DS2 had to be treated as if they had the same allergies until it was proved at a year old they didn't have them. By then, it was difficult to introduce milk and eggs etc. The tricks other parents use (concealing veg in a cheese sauce for eg) were not available to us.

DD is an "appalling chicken nuggets child", although DS1 will be overwhelmed with joy at the special treat that is me buying a swede. DS2 looks as if he may be the same as DD, but jury is out.

I was a dreadful eater - hated everything. Put it down to my mum's awful cooking but maybe it is genetic.

DD is starting to say she no longer likes food she used to love. I tried to feed her a fruit puree one day to get some goodness down her, she loved them as a baby, but screamed when I tried as if I was trying to feed her a tarantula. Her food horizons are getting smaller. She will get involved in cooking, will talk a lot about food, but does not want to eat it. I worry about eating disorders but hope that, as she is so like me, this will not be the case with her. I am now the least fussy eater in the family and I hope DD will change.

I think that the allergy situation in our family stopped me from introducing foods as I would have done, but honesty makes me think that there is an innate new-food-rejection in operation, because when I see DD's reactions, I remember having them myself. Or maybe I inadvertently encourage them... I don't know.

I think I made less effort with DS1's diet - despite his life-threatening allerties - compared to DD's.

People don't even think about the dear/darling part now. It's been common internet parlance for years now and has already been mentioned, has lost all meaning.

When I read ds or dh I don't think 'darling son or darling husband'. I just read it as the letters d and s.