Am I being unreasonable to suggest that kids who are faddy eaters have been "allowed" to become so?

[Lucia39]

This will no doubt get me "flamed" but hell, I don't want to watch the Champions League final so have left other half and teenage son to do so on their own - a good opportunity for some "male bonding" with some beer!

So, what do other parents think? Are faddy eaters born or made?

I recognise that we all have certain foods that we don't particularly care for or like but once those dislikes have been identified surely everything else should be accepted and eaten? I always advocated the "taste it and see" approach which generally worked. Although I wouldn't suggest that a two year old be given red hot Indian food just to "taste and see", but .... you never know!

I also often wonder if some children are faddy because their repertoire has been so limited and/or bland that they view anything that looks or tastes "different" with suspicion.

When I was growing up there was always an option at meal-times "take it or leave it" and my mother held to the view that when we were hungry enough we'd eat. I am also quite sure that a day without solid food will not actually harm any child!

They are hungrier in developing countries though, are you suggesting those people who have faddy eaters starve them for a while?

Ds1 is a fussy eater and i certainly made the situation worse when he was younger by getting ridiculously anxious when he didnt eat and even forcing him to eat. Ds2 eats everything, but I am much calmer with him, and when he doesnt want anything I just take it away. i learnt my mistakes the hard way and, yes, I do blame myself for some of ds1's fussiness.

For those who keep mentioning that children in developing countries eat everything, and I don't mean children who are literally starving, do you know many children who are living in poverty in developing countries?

Or are we just presuming that there are no fussy children outside of the Western world?

In answer to the question on a child's diet - my son was very very ill when he was little and his treatment caused food to taste odd so several items that he'd happily eaten prior to his illness became disliked because they left an unpleasant after-taste. Once the treatment ended we had to work to "re-educate" his tastebuds. He was somewhat resistant at first but eventually ended up once again eating all those things that, during his illness, he'd refused because they tasted strange.

He has always eaten a wide range of food [barring the time when he was ill], has always enjoyed all vegetables [with the exception of cauliflower] and now has an appetite to rival the proverbial equine. To cap it all he is as thin as a lathe - there's no bloody justice is there?

YANBU
Smug, patronising and judgemental perhaps, but not unreasonable.

Yes yes yes yes yes. You are.

I am lucky (and I use that word advisedly) that I have reasonably easy-going eaters. The minor foibles that they have are probably our fault but they are easy to live with. But how can a family who has 2 eat-everything children, then have one fussy eater who has had the same upbringing as the others? It doesn't make sense. And the amount of grief that it can cause - no-one would choose that if it was simply a matter of being a bit firmer

I would have thought so because I am always happy to take the blame for my children's failings and our first two were picky eaters BUT two things have changed my mind:

1. Our second two will eat anything and everything and we didn't do anything differently.

1. My GF who obsesses about how her children have always eaten everything now has a fourth child who will not eat anything. DGF is now eating her own words!

Just to add that my picky toddlers have developed into children who will eat anything. They even tried caviar, rollmops and all sorts of 'exotic' foods recently because it was on offer at a buffet.

I think picky eaters are born rather than made.

I'm not a fussy eater though do dislike many textures, or combinations of textures. I'm an adult and nothing short of starvation could convince me to eat coleslaw or parmesan. No one could convince me to eat it.

I had totally unfussy ds1 and couldn't understand why everyone didn't just follow the simple method of introducing new foods gradually etc.

Then ds2 came along and it just didn't work - and yes he did starve himself! He ended up on 75th centile for height and 2nd for weight But we persevered and at nearly 14 he has been eating most things for years - the only things he can't stand are grapes, strawberries and tomatoes.

ooh edam thanks for that, i collect evolution theories and hadn't heard that one before. I like to think there's something in them (but they should be handled with care IMO)

Heres my fave - why are men rubbish at finding things in cupboards? cos they evolved to go off in packs hunting woolly mammoths while the wimmin searched for lovely berries and roots in the undergrowth. this is why men will often open the cupboard door and just look (the phenomena known as 'man looking') whereas a woman is more likely to open the cupbard doors and move stuff around while she looks.

have you got one for why i can never find my keys but dp usually knows where they are?

Redcharity - I'll try the smartie test, will be interesting to see if I have more tastebuds than dh or ds! Although I think I can probably blame evil school dinner ladies for forcing me to eat their hideous slop. Thanks for reminding, me SEA!

That was a HUGE downside of having a v. good cook for a mother, left me completely unable to cope with school dinners consisting of stringy meat + watery gravy or spam fritters or other assorted horrors.

some kids just aren't interested in food, will eat the bare minimum.

Some will try and eat anything if it stays still long enough.

YAB totally and utterly U

Can't even been bothered to argue my case (other's have already done it)

Where's MB when we need her.

I think it is, as with all these 'debates', a mix of either approach to food and/or the child would have been that way no matter what the parents did.

PMSL @BonsoirAnna, 'discerning eaters'

Sorry Anna, I know it wasn't how you meant it, but after reading a recent thread where the daughter would only eat at McDonalds, I had a mental image of the Mum saying 'Oh , but you know she is so discerning about which fast food restaurants she eats at.'

I'm suggesting that children in Developing Countries, where there are food shortages, will, no doubt, eat anything they can get.

Therefore, by analogy, if you were adamant that your child should eat what they were given with no fuss whatsoever, then in theory you could adopt the same kind of logic. Put food in front of them. If they don't eat it, don't offer them anything else whatsoever. Repeat process until they eat. Voila.

Now, this isn't something I'd personally do, since as I said, I don't really have an issue one way or another with what DD wishes to eat (within reason). But, the kind of approach as above has been practised for centuries where fussiness simply was not an option for families. You either ate what you were given or went without. Nowadays, that kind of attitude is rare.

we don't live in the third world, though, or in the time of oliver twist. i never understand why that's seen as the defining point in these debates. we live in a world of abundance and hyper-stimulation, we're not on the point of starvation and neither are these children.

there was an interesting show on last year, studied three or four kids. most of them were inheriting some problem or other from their hovering parents, and all improved when left alone to eat whatever they wanted. one had autism and was on chocolate all the time, but her parents had, according to the shrink, done completely the right thing by giving her the control.

YABU - my DD used to eat a wide range of things but since turning 2 is not really interested in food AT ALL, and lives on milk, oatcakes, toast, apple juice and some pears at the moment..am confident she will grow out of it and it is not something I have created.

I don't think we can speak for children in developing countries unless we know them and have had experience with them.

Besides I wouldn't expect a child in the Western world to behave quite like a child from a developing country in regards to this matter, and others.

Parents have tried that technique, and some children really will starve themselves, even until they suffer weight loss.

ROFFLE at 'man looking', absolutely ROFFLE. is that a real thing? dh is simply paralysed in the face of an open cupboard...

OP - YABU, and think probably insulting to other MNers who have tried and tried to get their fussy children to eat.

DD weaned easily, always ate the same things as me and could not be called fussy at all. However from the age of 4 til about 7 she was a nightmare, really hardly liked anything, developed strong hatred for previously adored food. It was a very tiring time. Persevered through it and she is now 13 and eats everything, really.

HATE HATE the term 'pandering to your child' which I hear a lot of re fussy eaters. Why shouldn't you 'pander' to a child in this way. I feel quite strongly about this as I was forced to eat everything on my plate as a kid to the point of being sick. It was horrible.

Why shouldn't a child have strong feelings about something. Even as an adult we can be 'fussy'. I went right off tomatoes a couple of years ago, couldn't bear them, and recently I started eating them again. It's just my taste changed.

I think that when you have kids there is no problem being flexible in what they like and do not like. It's only for a short time (obv I am talking about the mild fussy eaters and not kids who refuse to eat anything, about which I know nothing) and althoygh wearying I think it should just be treated as a phase particular to that child, not linked to any parenting 'flaw' in any way.

I watched that too Aitch. Her approach was controversial but it really worked.

me, shineon?

Kitty- out of interest do you just give them all the same food and let them get on with it?