Am I being unreasonable to suggest that kids who are faddy eaters have been "allowed" to become so?

[Lucia39]

This will no doubt get me "flamed" but hell, I don't want to watch the Champions League final so have left other half and teenage son to do so on their own - a good opportunity for some "male bonding" with some beer!

So, what do other parents think? Are faddy eaters born or made?

I recognise that we all have certain foods that we don't particularly care for or like but once those dislikes have been identified surely everything else should be accepted and eaten? I always advocated the "taste it and see" approach which generally worked. Although I wouldn't suggest that a two year old be given red hot Indian food just to "taste and see", but .... you never know!

I also often wonder if some children are faddy because their repertoire has been so limited and/or bland that they view anything that looks or tastes "different" with suspicion.

When I was growing up there was always an option at meal-times "take it or leave it" and my mother held to the view that when we were hungry enough we'd eat. I am also quite sure that a day without solid food will not actually harm any child!

i don't realy understand why you would think that breaking your child's spirit is a good thing, tbh.

hurrah for the quote unquote making an appearance AT LAST

"TheCrackFox - did he eat eventually or has he starved to death? Sorry to be flippant but at the end of the day it is about who is calling the shots."

Yes, he eventually ate some porridge (that he already fucking ate - thanks) after nearly going to A and E.

For anyone with a fussy eater (he isn't now( is to it by baby steps. Do not listen to parents who do not have fussy eaters as they will not know how to change a fussy eater.

arse

tis quote end quote

with added bracket embellishments

Lucia, have you actually studied human behaviour in any depth? Do you have any qualifications in this area?

I have:
One indiscrimately hungry dustbin.
One who'd rather starve than eat any 'mixed' food, or anything new, or wet, or smelly.
One who tries it on to be interesting.

One gets dark chocolate and crackers when all else fails, because he would make himself seriously ill from sheer lack of calories before he gave in. We had to have this pointed out by a child psych, though, as we were so eager not to 'pander', not to make a rod for our own backs, etc., etc.

The other one gets a brisk, 'Nonsense. Eat it.'

Isn't life unfair sometimes?

Thunderduck Quote ["And would you really allow a child to go without food for 3, 4 plus days"] End quote

Depends what you mean by "food". Of course they would have to be given fluids, and, if they drink it, milk but don't pander to them and produce their favourite food - it reinforces the notion that "Hey I've kicked off and now I've got exactly what I want".

I find it hard to imagine [can't say for certain mind] that any healthy child would allow itself to go hungry for upward of four days. What was someone writing about "survival instincts"?

My two who have restricted diets were born that way. Ds1 ended up in SCBU being fed through a tube in his nose because he wouldn't even take milk.

Like others on here I also have another child who will happily eat anything.

I think they are made. My DD1 won't eat chicken, well she does, under duress. But she loves lentils, olives, brocolli, wasabi beans, cauliflower, avocado & rice, amongst others. She refuses mackeral, tuna, salmon. DD2 eats all the meaty things, will literally beg for smoked mackeral in the shopping trolley, eats DD1's leftover chicken, pinches the prawns out of DH's tea. Won't go near lentils.
When I was weaning, DD1 eat LOADs of lentils. When I was weaning DD2, I gave her the meaty stuff.
I would say they are both good eaters.

I would say fussy eaters are definitely born not made.

My DS who has always been a bit picky, is what I call an 'eat to live' type person and says he never really feels hungry (though he eats well enough and is very healthy).

My DD is very much more 'live to eat' and will try anything and everything with a passion.

So I think OP, YABU.

Im very fortunate that ds will eat just about anything, he has went through short phases in the past where he's refused a certain food he's previously liked, I just stopped serving it for a couple of weeks and reintroduced it with no problems. Never made a fuss or comment on him not wanting it.
One thing he hates is peas (I love them), if you put them on his plate, he can be seen sprinting to the bathroom with them and shoving them down the overflow!! I have NO idea where he learned that one from.

I don't know why your being flamed so much, its a simple enough question to ask peoples opinions on.

My children eat what is served. If they hesitate, someone else will jump in. There are no alternatives and they have to wait until breakfast.

I do not indulge faddy eaters.

edam Quote ["Lucia, have you actually studied human behaviour in any depth? Do you have any qualifications in this area?] End quote

Why the interest?

Boysarelikedogs. Do you not like my use of quote/end quote either? I know it annoys shineon immensely!

I think it is well documented that eating disorders are often about control. Given that, I would choose a different area to show my children who is the boss.

I just offer them bread / cheese / fruit alternative, no need for extra cooking.

i haven't read all the posts so i appologise if i repeat anything previously said. my ds has become a very fussy eater and has actually vomited all over the table when i bribed him to eat bolognaise (bad mother that i am) i keep trying to get him to taste new foods (including cakes or biscuits) but alas he will not. probably doesn't help that i am a shite cook and can be quite fussy eater myself i will not have food battles in my house and i don't insist he eat anything as i agree no child will starve themselves.
i used to be in the camp of it's all the parents fault (pre parenthood)but until you have a fussy eater you don't understand what it's like

Lucia so you don't have fussy DC, you are not a nutritionist and presumably don't have a degree in child psychology but seem to think that it is good advice to starve a child until they are ready to eat.

Ds1 is not fussy anymore and we tried your kind of advice, in the past, and it makes it worse and gave DS1 a phobia about food.

2 dcs here. Done/do the same thing with both.

One will eat anything except ice cream and lettuce, and in vast quantities.

The other eats next to nothing and won't even eat food he really likes if the plate is 'contaminated' with a rogue food that he doesn't like or hasn't tried before.

I was a ridiculously fussy eater as a child. I grew out of it and now eat pretty much everything.

that makes me sound awfull the vomiting thing doesn't it i didn't force him to eat but really encouraged him and bribed him with something silly like he could do painting if he just tried a little, now i sound even worse don't i ?

I only have one DC. But I do have friends and family who have more than one, and among them might be the odd fussy eater......not been weaned / different table rules / pandered to any more or less than the siblings.

'Made'...but not by me!

My DS started getting fussy when his back teeth came through sometime after his first birthday. He'd eat anything up until then. After that he totally went off lumps and became almost phobic about food. He was extremely picky up until the last few months. I have worked out that gentle encouragement to try new things works wonders (with assurance that if he doesn't like it he doesn't have to eat it...just try before you decide). He is still pretty fussy, but not 'phobic' about things. In the last few months he has started eating chicken, fish and various veg that he wouldn't touch before.

I don't think you should completely pander to fussy children but I cannot bear it when kids are forced to eat things they don't like. I think it's cruel. I think, perhaps, I identify with my Ds because I was a fussy child (although not a fussy adult). My mum never forced us to 'clear our plates' or 'eat our greens' - she just offered varied, healthy food and made sure we weren't malnourished (!). It worked, as I slowly became more adventurous and now love most foods.

Why don't those who believe it's the parent's fault borrow an extremely fussy child from one of the parents here, and report back in a week to see how they got on, and how many new foods the child is now eating.

I think that some children are innately more fussy than others (and in some cases this sensitivity can be quite extreme), but, in SOME cases this can be exacerbated by the parents. I have a friend who runs around after her very fussy DD cooking her new meals if she doesn't eat the first one, and offering her snack after snack throughout the day (even minutes before the next meal) so she never actually gets hungry. It's no surprise that she eats less and less variety, and, I think uses it as a way of controlling her parents. I realise it must be difficult for her parents, but really think they are making matters worse - the DD seems to really enjoy the mealtime drama.