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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 26/05/2009 15:57

blondie, call yourself a full time mum...I mean, who cares? It only seems to be an issue to you anyway....

Tamarto · 26/05/2009 15:57

I missed where someone said you couldn't.

If you want you can, but as you have another title to define you, why would you want to?

Any normal person would pressume you are a full time mum aswell as being a policewoman or whatever your answer would be.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 15:58

From the op. "does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!! "

I have to say i disagree with this statement and i'm aware i may get slated for saying this, but... mums who work full or part time do not do exactly the same stuff as a sahm.., simply because it is impossible.

I've done both... i worked full time after my 1st child was born but have been a sahm since the birth of my 2nd so i am in a position to see both sides.

I now spend every day with my children so naturally do more with them than when i worked.

I have no particular views on if it's better to work or stay at home, and no issues with either choice. However, it's common sense that sahm do more with their children simply because they have more time. I do much more stuff now than i did when i worked.

Also, i think that to be narked with the terminology that someone has used says quite a lot to me.

lockets · 26/05/2009 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TsarChasm · 26/05/2009 15:58

People usually say the thing they spend the day mainly doing if anyone asks what they are/do.

Blimey I shouldn't think the poor woman had any idea she could tread so badly on anyone's toes with such an inoffensive description of what she sees as her life.

Maybe she's never heard the SAHM tag before. I can't say I had until I came on here, and it's not something I hear said in rl if I think about it. It sounds clunky, overly pc and artificial to me when you say it out loud.

timmette · 26/05/2009 16:00

Re your poll I suppose it depends on what percentage of your time you spend working as opposed to time spent on childcare. - and I am a sahm or wahtever you want to call me.

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 16:01

Thanks, Squilly.
This is just silly and pedantic.

Blondie, call yourself whatever you like. You don't need the permission of mums who stay at home to describe yourself as a f/t mum. Nobody here is remotely suggesting that you are any less of a mother because you work. You seem to be imagining this to be the case and therefore are being defensive.

As a mum who works, albeit p/t I do not think anyone who calls themself a f/t mum is being offensive to me.

FairLadyRantALot · 26/05/2009 16:03

myredcardigan...I think there is a term for it...paranoia

PMSLBrokeMN · 26/05/2009 16:05

I didn't like to use the P word FairLady...

I am ME. Matters not what you call yourself, or indeed what you call me. Have some confidence in yourself FGS and STOP watching crappy lottery programmes!

thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:11

The terms full-time and part-time usually refer to the hours that a person works in an occupation, don't they?
Presumably SAHMs have 'childcare' as their major occupation, hence the term 'full-time mum'. It's the use of the word 'mum' that is controversial. Why not take issue with that OP?

thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:11

The terms full-time and part-time usually refer to the hours that a person works in an occupation, don't they?
Presumably SAHMs have 'childcare' as their major occupation, hence the term 'full-time mum'. It's the use of the word 'mum' that is controversial. Why not take issue with that OP?

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 16:12

actually red cardi, if you read all the posts there have been many suggestions to being less of a mother.

two that stick out are;

  1. sahm do more fun activities with dc tham wohm.
  2. wohm get to have holidays off work.

i don't even understand what is meant by the second one, as any days off i have are spent with dd.

OP posts:
lockets · 26/05/2009 16:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 16:18

blondie... i don't think that by saying that a sahm does more activities with dc means that a person is implying that a wm is "less of a mother". It's just a fact. When i worked i did less activities with my dc's than now i sah. I don't think that means i'm a better mum than i was, just that i have more time with them. fact.

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 16:21

But SAHMs have all week to do fun things with their DCs. This is just a fact. Getting uptight about it doesn't make it not true. It doesn't mean that you or I are lesser mothers because we only do those things at weekend. Presumably, when your DD is in whichever childcare you have chosen she is doing fun things there too.

WOHM get holidays from their paid employment. That's another fact. Parenting carries on on these days off just as it does for mums who SAH. In fact IMO, the change often means that those kids whose mums work get lots of extra input on those days.

I repeat my assertion that nobody is criticising you other than to say you're being a little over-sensitive.

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 16:22

x posta BB.

thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:23

The point is blondie 80 that you can't take issue with the term 'mum' and that indicates how U you are B.

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 16:26

i am not trying to annoy anyone. this thread was about all mum's being full time mum's. they don't stop when they go to work, toilet, pub, etc.

many posters seem to disagree and feel that only mothers who do not work out are full time mums.

this is a thread which was expected to create different opinions, which i accept, but don't have to agree with.

in no way do i feel got at personally.

i don't think the term full time mum should be exclusive for mothers who don't work out, and i have said before i know it is a v hard job being a sahm.

OP posts:
lockets · 26/05/2009 16:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 16:31

I don't mean to sound awful, but i think for someone to be so narked by such an innocent term plus your comments that you have been made to feel "less of a mother", it strikes me you are suffering from a degree of dis-satisfaction at your situ. Maybe even feeling a stab of guilt.

I used to feel guilty when i worked.. it's normal. I hated dropping ds off to go to work, and loathed hearing about all the fun stuff he'd done without me.

If i heard the term full time mum i would just think that it was someone who didn't go out to work, and nothing else.

squilly · 26/05/2009 16:31

No one yet has come up with a term that suits a full time mum that isn't full time mum.

What would you call us then blondie80? You clearly have strong views on this and you don't think we should call ourselves full time mums. So...what's our main occupation?

I'm not a housewife or a domestic engineer. I don't stay at home, so I'm not happy with the SAHM label particularlly. I also tend to find that SAHM has negative connotations on MN in particular and have seen SAHMs referred to as poor role models, letting down the rest of the female race and generally being inferior because of the choices we make. You'll forgive me, therefore, for not adopting a label which has such negative connotations.

But you give me the term you'd use if you didn't woh and I'll certainly consider it.

Til someone comes up with an alternative though, I'm a full time mum.

duchesse · 26/05/2009 16:33

I used to call myself a "Stay at home mother". Better than housewife any day (different relationship for a start, wouldn't want husband getting any ideas) and not derogatory to any mother who works outside the home.

barnsleybelle · 26/05/2009 16:34

Me too, call me what you like, i aint bothered and most mums who don't go out to work don't care either. We are much too busy playing with our dcs

thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:36

blondie80 a 'full-time mum' has no other form of full-time employment. Those with full-time work commitments to employers are not what is commonly meant by the definition of full-time mums. They are still mums of course, just as part-time solicitors/teachers are still solicitors/teachers - YWBU 4 hours ago and are getting more U by the minute.

OrmIrian · 26/05/2009 16:37

YANBU. I hate it too.

I am assuming that those who call themselves 'full-time mothers' don't send their DC to school or ever let them out of their sight

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