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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at this new term of 'full time mum'

688 replies

blondie80 · 26/05/2009 12:26

i know i'm not being unreasonable.

a woman on that lottery 1-100 show on sat night referred to herself as a 'full time mum'

i take it she meant sahm instead.

i have no bones with anyone's choice as to what the do, sahm of wohm.

but... i was so annoyed i felt she was referring to wohm as - part timers??

does she forget that we do the same stuff as well as a full week at work!!

i was with my mother when we watched the show, and she has 4 dc who have left home, and says she is still a full time mum regardless.

ok rant over.

OP posts:
squilly · 26/05/2009 16:40

OrmIrian - Does that mean that solicitors or bankers don't ever spend a minute away from their soliciting or banking then? It's a spurious argument.

Your job title relates to the employment you do most of the time. Some part time workers also choose their job title to explain what they do.

Mums who describe themselves as full time mums don't do anything other than be mums. They therefore define themselves by that role. It's not a judgement on other mums. It's just a job title.

Original poster
blondie80 · 26/05/2009 16:40

you are going round in circles squilly.

this was started because i feel all mum's are full time mum's, not just those who stay at home with dc.

the thread has changed from what it started of as because some feel wohm are not full time mothers. i do, that's my opinion.

call yourself what you like, and as for the negative connotations referring to sahm's i have never used any of these. some posters on this thread have stated all the usual negative connotations associated with wohm though.

call yourself a mum, i do because i have always assumed all mothers are full time.

OP posts:
thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:41

A full-time mum is IMO no longer a FTM to school age children - hence the term 'loco parentis' as applied to teachers.

violethill · 26/05/2009 16:42

I agree blondie - I am always a mum, just as my DH is always a dad. We don't stop being parents when we're out at work!

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 16:42

So Blondie, just to be clear;
Are you saying that WOHMs are f/t mums and that SAHM are working mothers? Just want to check.

Me on the other hand, I call myself a working mum because I work. I don't call myself a f/t mum because I'm not at home f/t. With that in mind, I would never suggest not consider that SAHM do not work nor would I suggest that WOHM are lesser mothers because they also work outside the home. The very term work outside the home implies that there is plenty of work inside the home too.

I really don't see the problem.

lockets · 26/05/2009 16:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 26/05/2009 16:43

But parenting is a default position for most parents. I parent therefore I am iyswim To me saying 'full-time mum' is like saying 'full-time human being' - it's not neccessary. And it does tend to imply that those who aren't 'full-time' are somehow not fully-committed to the post.

Parenting isn't a job, it's just what we do when we have children,.

thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:44

WOHMs are FTMs when they have to take the day of work to look after DC

violethill · 26/05/2009 16:45

In loco parentis is a legal status - it doesn't mean you become mum or dad!! (Thank god - I wouldn't want to feel I'm expected to be a parent to the hundreds of kids I teach!)

lockets · 26/05/2009 16:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 16:46

Oh stop with all the back patting.

Your OP was suggesting that the lady on TV was using an offensive term by implying that only SAHMs are f/t mums.

If someone worked f/t as a teacher through the week but did bar workof an evening and at the w/e they would still consider themselves a full time teacher because that is what the spend the majority of the working week doing. It's not an insult to you, she was just clarifying what she does of a day.

ssd · 26/05/2009 16:46

YABU

squilly · 26/05/2009 16:48

I'm not having the circular argument here. I'm asking what we should call ourselves and I haven't had a decent response back.

I have also asserted on here, very clearly, as have lots of other mums that no-one denies that a mum is always a mum. She does not, however, declare that she is a mum when asked what she does IF she works out of the home. She says she's a banker or a solicitor or a nurse.

SAHMs don't have that luxury. We are not anything other than mums. It therefore makes sense for them to call themselves full time mums.

I think I've indulged in this thread enough. I'm happy with what I call myself. If other people have problems with my self appointed job title, that's their concern rather than mine.

myredcardigan · 26/05/2009 16:48

Oh and FWIW, if I were at home f/t and my kids were at school then I wouldn't describe myself as a f/t mum, no. (not that I am anyway cause I work but I feel I need to stress that point as I seem to be the only WOTH mum siding with the other species! )

OrmIrian · 26/05/2009 16:50

I must admit 'full-time mum' addressed to SAHMs is better than 'part-time mum' addressed to WOHMs.

edam · 26/05/2009 16:50

I parent therefore I am? Goodness, does that mean I'll disappear once ds is all growed up and off to university/work?

My mother used to say it was fine for us to slip up occasionally and call our (beloved) childminder 'mummy' as we were using it as a job title - Lynda was doing mummy stuff so we called her mummy. And we were with her kids, so four kids, two hers, two our mother's, only natural that occasionally the 'wrong' child would yell "Mummeeeeeeeeeee!"

thedolly · 26/05/2009 16:50

OrmIrian - how else is a person to indicate that they spend the hours that most people 'work' looking after their DC?
Full-time carer? What is the alternative? By saying that you are a FTM you are IMO implying that your career is 'on hold' whilst you SAH to look after your DC.

squilly · 26/05/2009 16:51

You're the other species myredcardigan. Note to self, ignore mrc from now on and deny any wisdom in her posts. She (whispers menacingly) bats for the other side!!!!

edam · 26/05/2009 16:52

(Actually, Squilly, I do often say 'I've got a little boy' to people I meet through work, if it seems appropriate. Wouldn't call myself a 'mum' though.)

OrmIrian · 26/05/2009 16:52

But why define yourself by what you do anyway? I don't describe myself as a full-time systems analyst. Unless I am speaking to someone who is involved in my industry.

OrmIrian · 26/05/2009 16:53

that was to thedolly btw.

edam · 26/05/2009 16:55

Roger Daltrey told me I was obviously too young to have a teenager recently. Not that I am boasting or showing off about my terribly glamorous working life, of course! (He's the only ruddy celebrity I've met in the last five years. And I bet loads of youthful MNers will now ask 'Roger who?' just to make me feel old!)

P.S. He was strictly inaccurate had I got going as soon as possible, but bless him!

edam · 26/05/2009 16:57

OrmIrian, if you told me you were a full-time systems analyst, I would nod and hope you didn't ask me whether I had a clue what you meant short of 'something vaguely to do with computers. Would be very relieved if we got onto chatting about kids!

OrmIrian · 26/05/2009 16:58

"something vaguely to do with computers" is about right actually edam I've never quite worked out the details either...

Jaquelinehyde · 26/05/2009 16:58

Well what a suprise another SAHM vs. WOHM argument.....I really didn't see this happening when I read the thread title

I personally think it is very sad when anyone is insecure enough about their standing in society, and that they need others to make them feel like they are worthy parents.

I'm a full time student, so I am neither a SAHM or a WOHM.

I don't give a rat's ass what anyone thinks of me. My children are safe, happy and well cared for.

As a good parent I make sure that this is the case regardless of whether I spend 24hrs a day with them or 2hrs a day with them, and IMO that is what counts.