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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be really annoyed that one of dd's classmates and her mother turned up univited to a very small birthday party?

115 replies

iHateDairyLea · 19/05/2009 11:47

Apologies if this gets a bit confusing. I am writing this on behalf of my friend who can only use the WWW in her library.

She came to me yesterday and was venting, she was really furious and after I calmed her down I could see her point, however it appears that many of the other parents don't.

Last week her dd had a very small intimate party with her closest friends (her dd is quiet shy and reserved) it was made up of three younger family members her closest female and male friends from school and her.

It was just a few of them and their carers and the party was in a public venue.

A child in her dd's class turned up on the day with her mother in tow and she just parked up and directed her dd to the gathering party. My mate told her it was only a very small party (it was very expensive per child) and that they weren't invited. The mother told my friend that her DD was devastated that she was ignored and not invited as she would be invited to her daughter?s party in July. Whilst my friend was distracted by her baby the mother pissed off (out of the shop)and picked up her dd when the party had finished without a word.

She's really upset, her dd doesn't like this girl at all- the mother is very well known for causing trouble in these situations (often taking all her three to parties uninvited). It caused a lot of bad feeling on the day.
I've told her that she should bill the mother the £20 and that she shouldn't subsidise the woman's childs activities like the other school mums appear to.

The fellow mums there say to brush it off as she's done much worse Would appreciate any other POV

OP posts:
Twims · 19/05/2009 11:50

I agree the other mother was extremely unreasonable

Stayingsunnygirl · 19/05/2009 11:51

The trouble is, if the behaviour is ignored, the mum in question will think she can get away with it.

I agree with you that she should bill the mother for the party, and make it very clear that it is utterly unacceptable to turn up to a party that you haven't been invited to - and that it's utterly unfair on her daughter, because this behaviour could rebound on her.

Original poster
iHateDairyLea · 19/05/2009 11:51

I think if all of the classmates had been invited I wouldn't have felt so bad for her but it really is off isn't it? I can't believe OM's balls.

OP posts:
Original poster
iHateDairyLea · 19/05/2009 11:53

That is exactly what I said to her. If the other mums aren't prepared to make a stand they really can't moan about her because they are enabling her behaviour surely?

OP posts:
shrinkingassets · 19/05/2009 11:53

Totally out of order. How dare she?

Original poster
iHateDairyLea · 19/05/2009 11:55

I hadn't thought about it rebounding on her own daughter but it probably will at some point. I don't know anything about the little girl.

OP posts:
ohbaby · 19/05/2009 11:55

Wow UANBU

How utterly RUDE.

I am shocked this woman had the nerve to just leave her daughter. She must have a pretty thick skin.

MANATEEequineOHARA · 19/05/2009 11:55

That is so rude!!!

dilemma456 · 19/05/2009 11:56

Message withdrawn

blametheparents · 19/05/2009 11:57

I am that someone would do this. Turn up uninvited to a party and then leave child there!
From your description I am guessing it was a Bear Factory party, pottery party or similar which, a you mention, are not cheap.
DD was not invited to a bot from pre-school's party at The bear factory recently, but I did not just turn up and join in, and I even invited the boy to DD's party the next month.
Dd wanted to invite him, I am not going to teach her to be spiteful and say 'You weren't invited to his party, so you best not invite him to yours'

Lizzylou · 19/05/2009 11:57

Goodness, what a selfish woman.
I agree something needs to be said, she's obviously got away with such brazen acts thus far so thinks she can do what she likes.

morningpaper · 19/05/2009 11:57

well yes she sounds a bit mad but at the end of day, it's a children's party

I think the only thing you could have done was call the police at the time (to report an unsupervised child)

But TBH I wouldn't struggle to care that much

SoupDragon · 19/05/2009 12:00

Bill the mother.

Original poster
iHateDairyLea · 19/05/2009 12:01

I persoanlly think calling the police is a bit much.

I know it's only a children's party but at the end of the day this woman is a serial offender, some of the stuff I was told would make good book material. She is indeed very brazen it's a perfect description I'd say.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 19/05/2009 12:01

You wouldn't care even though you'd had to pay £20 for the uninvited child?

SoupDragon · 19/05/2009 12:02

Going from the OPs description and guessing where the party was, I wouldn't have let the girl out with her item until the mother had paid for it.

blametheparents · 19/05/2009 12:04

Did she bring a present for the birthday child?

(btw, whether she did or not, YA still NBU - I am just interested!)

poshwellies · 19/05/2009 12:04

She sound's a loon-and she'll do her daughter no favours,do feel sorry for the daughter-poor thing.

Overmydeadbody · 19/05/2009 12:05

YANBU

This is ridiculous behaviour on the part of the mother, and so increadibly rude!!!

PArties are not for everyone, we all have a right to decide who we do and don't invite to private social gathreings. What kind of example is she setting to her poor DD?

Overmydeadbody · 19/05/2009 12:06

I would have just escorted the girl to the management of wherever the place was and said she was unattended and not one of the members of the party. Let them deal with the situation and the mother.

Original poster
iHateDairyLea · 19/05/2009 12:07

No, that's the best (and IMO the rudest thing) no present!

OP posts:
lou222 · 19/05/2009 12:09

I am completely shocked at her behaviour but just as shocked that the other parents think it's ok???
How and why do they think it's ok - that just doesn't make sense.

YeahBut · 19/05/2009 12:10

What is your friend going to do?

YeahBut · 19/05/2009 12:11

And what on earth has she done that could be worse?

wannabe10 · 19/05/2009 12:13

I just wanted to say I did this to my mother once!!!
I was about seven and wasn't invited to a party everyone else was so I told her I was!!!
Apparently I was the talk of the staffroom in my primary. Reading this just made me remember. Oh the shame......lol