to be really annoyed that one of dd's classmates and her mother turned up univited to a very small birthday party?

[iHateDairyLea]

Apologies if this gets a bit confusing. I am writing this on behalf of my friend who can only use the WWW in her library.

She came to me yesterday and was venting, she was really furious and after I calmed her down I could see her point, however it appears that many of the other parents don't.

Last week her dd had a very small intimate party with her closest friends (her dd is quiet shy and reserved) it was made up of three younger family members her closest female and male friends from school and her.

It was just a few of them and their carers and the party was in a public venue.

A child in her dd's class turned up on the day with her mother in tow and she just parked up and directed her dd to the gathering party. My mate told her it was only a very small party (it was very expensive per child) and that they weren't invited. The mother told my friend that her DD was devastated that she was ignored and not invited as she would be invited to her daughter?s party in July. Whilst my friend was distracted by her baby the mother pissed off (out of the shop)and picked up her dd when the party had finished without a word.

She's really upset, her dd doesn't like this girl at all- the mother is very well known for causing trouble in these situations (often taking all her three to parties uninvited). It caused a lot of bad feeling on the day.
I've told her that she should bill the mother the £20 and that she shouldn't subsidise the woman's childs activities like the other school mums appear to.

The fellow mums there say to brush it off as she's done much worse Would appreciate any other POV

No Greensneeze probably in RL when it came to it I couldn't either.But I think getting the money out of the mother would be a hopeless task.

And I think I agree that you'd be more likely to have angels fly out of your arse than actually get the money back out of the rude selfish cow [sigh]

there's no easy answer, is there?

The rude mother was lucky that the OP's friend could let the daughter join in the party. At £28 per head many parents would not be able to afford to add to the party at the last minute with no notice.

Poor little girl, it must be difficult growing up with a mother like that I hope the teacher can help this lady.

I don't think the child would feel any more uncomfortable having the store staff look after her (they should be child friendly and welcoming) than standing on the sidelines of a party she was not invited to, where the birthday girl does not get on with her, and all the adults are casting pitying looks at her.

The mother returning to store manager having a word with her may embarass her into thinking twice next time.

I would mention it to the school too, poor girl will end up getting left out and bullied. Also teacher may know of other things going on, and be able to offer the family support.

I would be furious if I was having a party for my (also shy) dd and someone came who she didn't get on with. And there is no way I would have paid for an extra child to be there. I'm afraid I wouldn't have put the feelings of this little girl over those of my own child at her own party.

I have come across parents who have gatecrashed parties before. And when I was teaching I had a parent who came and asked me about a party her child wasn't invited to. Some parents can't bear their children to be disappointed about anything.

Savoy I've never had such problems. I find it shocking that parents would really do that. Ask you about up and coming parties? It's so desperate!

I'm always rather relieved when ds isn't invited. Some weekends we have 3 parties to go to which is too many but difficult to refuse if they are classmates.

If ds wasn't invited to any parties I would be having a word with his teacher to find out if he had any friends.

Savoy - if all the kids were talking about a party and your DC hadn't been invited and was upset, asking the teacher might be a neutral way of finding out? Rather than confronting the hostess.

my ds1 has Aspergers with associated social interaction difficulties (underneath which he is a gregarious and loving little boy who WORSHIPS his classmates) and he does get left out and not invited to parties all the time. He's even been the only one not invited where the birthday child has stood at the classroom door giving one to each child as the came in. And it bloody well DOES hurt me, because it hurts him, and anyone who thinks I am being precious/PFBish can fucking take a running jump as far as I'm concerned.

BUT it's never occurred to me to take him to a party he hasn't been invited to and try and brazen/guilt-trip the other family into letting him in! It's one of the weirdest things I've seen on MN in a long time.

Still say I wouldn't take it out on the dmuped little girl though. Her life must be miserable enough as it is.

Why doesn't he get invited? Doe she have any closer friends? I'm very sorry to hear that Greensneeze, that must be truly horrible to witness. Could the staff/parents not be a bit more tactful? I think that is very hurtful indeed.

I hate this shit you and your ds have to live through. If you are ever in East Coast Yorks he welcome to a playdate at ours for sure. We have cake for mummies too

Think teachers would surely protect him a bit of they realised?

Aw, tree that's lovely

He does have friends outside school who like him and are a lot more accepting. We know a few lovely older girls who are good at putting him in his place and don't get too fazed by his noisiness. It still makes him very sad that he doesn't get invited to parties by school friends very often though. We have big parties for him and his brother to make up for it.

Sorry, didn't mean to hijack - it's just that despite the heartache of seeing him being rejected, I STILL wouldn't consider barging him into parties uninvited - I shudder to imagine how much WORSE that would make things for him!

GS there's no need to say worry, it's not a highjack it's a point of view as valid as all of your others. I just popped onto Mumsnet to see if you'd replied. It's lovely that your ds has some balance and a nice group of children away from the school to help restore his (and your) confidence. He sounds lovely by the way and I couldn't help but smile at your description of girls putting him in his place!

GS there's no need to worry, it's not a highjack it's a point of view as valid as all of your others. I just popped onto Mumsnet to see if you'd replied. It's lovely that your ds has some balance and a nice group of children away from the school to help restore his (and your) confidence. He sounds lovely by the way and I couldn't help but smile at your description of girls putting him in his place!

GS there's no need to worry, it's not a highjack it's a point of view as valid as all of your others. I just popped onto Mumsnet to see if you'd replied. It's lovely that your ds has some balance and a nice group of children away from the school to help restore his (and your) confidence. He sounds lovely by the way and I couldn't help but smile at your description of girls putting him in his place!