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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about this

57 replies

PM73 · 17/05/2009 13:08

We have to attend a parents evening this coming Wed evening which will give us a chance to have a tour of the pre-school our ds will attend in Sept,we also have to order his uniform then & its one of those you have to attend evenings.

So i asked my Mum last week if she could sit for us as children arent allowed to attend,she said yes & we thought great,thats that sorted.

Went round to see parents Fri morning & asked again about Wed, Mum said yes thats fine,even said she would get the train to ours & we could collect her from the station.

So Sat morning she texts me to say my Dad has bought them a holiday for her bday,i replied oh that sounds lovely,then i had a thought that she would be away for Wed,so i asked her & she said oh yes we are,we go on Wed but dont worry i can ask *** for you,i am sure she will sit for you???

My ds hardly knows this person,so i have asked my friend to have ds at her house for me.

I am so pissed off with my Mum,i have only ever asked her to sit for me once before & ds is nearly 3.

AIBU to be pissed off or am i overreacting?

OP posts:
Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 13:10

Should just add as well that they only got back last Sat from another holiday.

OP posts:
itchyandscratchy · 17/05/2009 13:15

She can hardly turn it down if it's been bought for her can she? And she was doing you a favour.

so it's annoying but you're not in charge if whether they go on holiday or how many holidays they have! and it's not like you're going into hopsital is it: it's a parents evening.

If you're not usre of the sitter, just one of you go. Plenty of parents have to do this anyway if one of them is away or working or whatever. The one that stays at home can always go on a tour another day - most schools are absolutely fine with this.

MIAonline · 17/05/2009 13:18

Yanbu, It's the sort of thing my Mum would do and I would be annoyed too.

Trying to be fair, at least she did try and sort out an alternative, though again like you I wouldn't be happy with someone my DS barely knew and it was also a present from you DAd, perhaps he didn't know about the babysitting?

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 13:27

Well in the letter we had about the parents evening it states that its very important that we attend.

TBH my parents have about 6 holidays a yr,normally i couldnt give a monkeys left knacker where they go or how many times but they BOTH knew the promise they had made to us.

This is just one of many occasions they have let me down.

OP posts:
coccyx · 17/05/2009 14:58

Think you are being a bit over the top. Why should she not go on holiday so that she can babysit for 1 evening. Your children , your responsibility surely.

ellingwoman · 17/05/2009 15:01

Is this an independent school's pre-school?

I can't imagine any around here asking a) to come along in the evening or b) without dcs.

JoPie · 17/05/2009 15:02

I wouldn't say its the going on holiday bit that really riles, but that she didn't even volnteer the information? It would be for me anyway.
If you have agreed and confirmed twice that you would babysit, and then something came up, I would expect you to call me straight away and say I'm sorry, something has changed, I can't sit, can I help you find someone else/otherwise help, terribly sorry blah blah.

YANBU.

itchyandscratchy · 17/05/2009 15:20

Yes, it's important that someone attends but surely it's not the end of the world if both parents don't turn up?! You're quite capable of relaying the essential info to your dh or vice versa. Think you're being a bit precious about the parents' evening, tbh.

and it sounds like there's a lot more to your relationship with your own parents than just this issue so maybe your anger represents a lot more than being let down on a parents evening...?

RedCharityBonney · 17/05/2009 15:24

PM I suppose it's the accumulation of lettings down that upsets you. This instance on its own isn't a too big deal, but I can imagine that a lifetime of it is wearing.

Maybe time to give up? Stop giving her the opportunity to neglect you and you'll be a lot happier.

xxRCB

traceybath · 17/05/2009 15:29

Just go on your own and let DH look after your DS - i do this all the time for school stuff when i don't want to pay for a babysitter.

It'll undoubtedly be quite dull anyway

Also bit of a faff for your mum surely if she has to get a train to babysit.

smudgethepuppydog · 17/05/2009 15:34

My mum was much the same when the kids were small. I pretty soon learned not to ask (or if I did ask to make back-up arrangements), I also soon learned that if I didn't ask I was 'denying' her a relationship with the GC. The kids pretty soon learned that granny treated them like pawns in an emotional game of chess. She lost out because they wised up to her with no help from me.

Lulumama · 17/05/2009 15:37

i don;t think you can expect her to not go on holiday so that you can go to parent's evening.

can you go withouth your DH?

she also tried to sort out an alternative for you

so unless there is a major history here, YABU , she is not blowing you out to go to the cinema.

The school are not going to deny your son a place because both of you can't go

i thikn you are over reacting

pavlovthepregnantcat · 17/05/2009 15:41

While I can see why you are upset, I think yabu. You are grown up now and your mum is allowed to go away on holiday, whatever your childcare needs. Especially for her birthday, and as many times as she pleases. She has done her bringing up of children, and now it is your turn. And while I think it is great and normal for grandparents to help out when they can, it is not a right to expect them to stand still in their life in case you need them for something.

And your mum has clearly thought about your needs as has made alternative arrangements, it is you who is not happy with that.

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 15:51

Fair enough,general consensus is that IABU.

makes mental note to oneself to never ask parents to help out again

OP posts:
Lulumama · 17/05/2009 15:59

i don;t think there is anyhting wrong with asking your parents to help

BUT it is wrong to expect them to cancel or rebook a holiday so you can go to parents evening, which you could go to alone, so DH can stay with your DS

if you had said they had cancelled to go out for a meal or something, that could easily be done another time, then i would say YANBU, but a holiday is a big deal. doesn;t matter if they only just had one

think you are determined to see the bad in your mum for this!

TheFallenMadonna · 17/05/2009 16:01

Holidays trump parents evenings.

pavlovthesmugcat · 17/05/2009 16:02

Agree with Lulumama. It is bad timing that the parents evening coincides with the holiday booked for her birthday, but its not likely to be a common conflict. Do not stop asking for help because your mum has a holiday one time you ask.

I am sure she will help again in the future.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 17/05/2009 16:03

Had she told your father she was babysitting for you?

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 16:10

Where did i say i expected them to cancel their holiday?

Of course holidays are better then parents evenings, but i will state again as maybe i wasnt clear in my original op, i had asked my Mum to babysit last week & my Dad booked the holiday Friday afternoon.

My Dad knew my Mum was sitting for us when he booked the holiday.

I have only ever asked them to help me out once before as i take care of my own childcare,i.e ME!

OP posts:
katiestar · 17/05/2009 16:13

YABVVVU and selfish . I wouldn't DREAM of expecting or even letting my parents cancel a holiday or any birthday plans so they could babysit for me.Especially something as non-essential as this where only one of you needs to go.
besides would they be able to cancel/amend booking at this late stage without losing most or all of what they had paid ?
Grow up !

PM73 · 17/05/2009 16:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lockets · 17/05/2009 16:18

This reply has been deleted

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TheFallenMadonna · 17/05/2009 16:20

Perhaps they don't see the parents evening as being as important as you do. And TBH, I wouldn't either. However, another post suggests that there is a bigger picture of which I am unaware, so...

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 16:21

Thing is Lockets its not just this that has brought me to this conclusion,i know what you mean but sometimes its easier to not be reliant iyswim?

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 17/05/2009 16:22

You are over reacting and kinda are a bit unreasonable, however, I can see why you are annoyed, but it isn't like your mum did this on purpose, this holiday seemed to have come up suddenly and that is just the way it is sometimes...
also, you have found someone to look after the dc, so, it really ins't an issue, is it...