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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be upset about this

57 replies

PM73 · 17/05/2009 13:08

We have to attend a parents evening this coming Wed evening which will give us a chance to have a tour of the pre-school our ds will attend in Sept,we also have to order his uniform then & its one of those you have to attend evenings.

So i asked my Mum last week if she could sit for us as children arent allowed to attend,she said yes & we thought great,thats that sorted.

Went round to see parents Fri morning & asked again about Wed, Mum said yes thats fine,even said she would get the train to ours & we could collect her from the station.

So Sat morning she texts me to say my Dad has bought them a holiday for her bday,i replied oh that sounds lovely,then i had a thought that she would be away for Wed,so i asked her & she said oh yes we are,we go on Wed but dont worry i can ask *** for you,i am sure she will sit for you???

My ds hardly knows this person,so i have asked my friend to have ds at her house for me.

I am so pissed off with my Mum,i have only ever asked her to sit for me once before & ds is nearly 3.

AIBU to be pissed off or am i overreacting?

OP posts:
katiestar · 17/05/2009 16:27

I was upset because she had promised to sit & then she never,but only after i had asked her if was still ok to sit

But she didn't know about the holiday then did she ?According to your posts you reminded her Fri am and the holiday wasn't booked til Fri PM. I could follow your line of thinking (not agree with it but follow it) if you said you were pissed off with your DAD , but you don't your opening post says you are pissed off with your poor mum

( Now i don't claim to be psychic ,but if this follows a typical AIBU ,there will now be a revelation of lots of terrible things the OP's mum has done,so that we then have to agree with her that she is NBU)

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 16:28

FairLady - you are right,i have sorted out another sitter but you know for once i just wanted someone from either side of our family to care about us,is that too much to ask?

OP posts:
BradfordMum · 17/05/2009 16:28

Take your child with you?!?!

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 16:31

KatieStar - i agree you are right,she didnt know about the holiday when i asked her again.

Not sure i understand this sarcastic comment though...

( Now i don't claim to be psychic ,but if this follows a typical AIBU ,there will now be a revelation of lots of terrible things the OP's mum has done,so that we then have to agree with her that she is NBU)

OP posts:
Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 16:32

BradfordMum - letter says children arent allowed to go,otherwise we would have taken him.

OP posts:
FairLadyRantALot · 17/05/2009 16:56

Pm...like I said I can understand your annoyance...but tbh, I don't think it is anything about caring...your mum didn't realise your dad had planned a trip when she agreed, and when she realised she even tried to arrange someone else to babysit...surely you don't expect her to throw her Birthday present back into your dads face for the sake of a couple of hours worth of Babysitting...

I do think though, there must be other issues if you are so insenced (sp?) about it!

FairLadyRantALot · 17/05/2009 16:59

pm , katiestar means the whole AIBU by stealth thing...where as the thread unravels the true reasons of the pissed offness comes to light...

Lulumama · 17/05/2009 16:59

but why should their holiady be booked or rearranged for your convenience??

agree cutting off your nose to spite your face

no-one is going ot miss out if your DH stays at home, and perhaps asks for a tour of the school another time

you really sounds like you are looking for a reason to berate your parents

there must be history to this, or you would have shrugged it off

alfiesmadmother · 17/05/2009 17:05

YABVU

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 17:40

Once again i will say I NEVER ASKED OR EXPECTED THEM TO CANCEL THEIR HOLIDAY

OP posts:
MIAonline · 17/05/2009 17:51

To be fair to PM73, her Op asked if she was BU to be upset that her mum had agreed to babysit for only the 2nd time since her DC were born, then her mum and dad agreeing to it, but going ahead and booking a holiday meaning that they were backing out and letting her down. She hasn't suggested that they should cancel it.

FairLadyRantALot · 17/05/2009 17:55

well, actually it was only her mum agreeing, for all we know her dad wasn't even aware of teh arrangements

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 18:02

Yes my dad was aware as he was in the room when i asked & Mum asked him if they had anything on that meant she couldnt.

Thankyou MIAonline for understanding what i was trying to say.

OP posts:
heuchera · 17/05/2009 18:04

OP has said several times that her Dad did know about the baby-sitting arrangements, in fact.

And I didn't interpret her comments as meaning that she thought they should cancel/not go on holiday to accommodate her! Just that she's hacked off at the agreement being made, confirmed, and then brushed aside.

OP, YANBU in that respect, although it looks as though you'll have to grin and bear it, sadly.

heuchera · 17/05/2009 18:05

Ooops, x-post....

nooka · 17/05/2009 18:19

Sounds very annoying, especially as if you hadn't followed up you wouldn't actually have known that she couldn't babysit. How lucky that you had an alternative. If I were you I would either find a paid babysitter you are happy with or have your babysitting set up on a reciprocal basis with friends, as from my experience that seems to work really well (and doesn't involve asking for favours when you are on shaky ground if it doesn't work out, as you have found here).

I can totally see why you both want to go to the parents evening btw. I think these things are important.

As you have an alternative I would try to calm down on the pissed off front, but yes I would think twice about asking your parents again, because life is too short for unreliable arrangements.

Lulumama · 17/05/2009 18:28

but teh whole thing of 'i'll never ask for help again' indicates there is more to it

i thikn the expectation that their holiday should have been booked around the baby sitting commitment is a bit much

clearly the OP is upset and feels her parents are letting her down

but it is not the end of the world and not worth falling out over IMO

FabulousBakerGirl · 17/05/2009 18:30

YANBU to be upset but they can go on holiday when they want, they don't owe you child care and if your dad didn't know about the arrangement it isn't his fault that the day inconveniences you.

Maybe the child's father could have him and you go to the evening. It really doens't need both of you there.

FabulousBakerGirl · 17/05/2009 18:37

My mistake - your dad did know.

FabulousBakerGirl · 17/05/2009 18:38

Please don't let this blow up out of all proportion. I would love to have parents to be annoyed at full stop.

Go on your own and use the time to meet up with the other new school mums. You might make a friend and then you will have someone else to help you in difficulties if it suits you both.

aGalChangedHerName · 17/05/2009 18:42

Go alone FGS. I have to go on my own to loads of stuff because either DH is working or we can't get a babysitter.

Surfermum · 17/05/2009 18:49

I might be irritated that my Dad didn't say at the time what he was going to do, or that they didn't ring straight away and let me know their plans had changed.

What I don't get is you being really pissed off with your mum over this. It's your Dad who's made the arrangements knowing full well that they'd agreed to babysit.

How come you've only asked them to sit once before? Have you not needed them to? It's just your reaction seems a bit out of proportion to what has happened to me so I wondered if there was more going on.

Original poster
PM73 · 17/05/2009 19:18

I left home at 16,bought my first home at 18 & havent really asked anyone for help along the way so maybe i have 'issues' about asking for help.

When i was preg Mum commented a lot of times with 'I have had my kids so its my turn to enjoy life now' which i can fully understand as Mum had me at 17,my brother at 19 & a further 2 children after.

I would never fall out with my parents,i am just venting on here.I love my parents but sometimes it would be nice to have them actually follow through on things they have promised.

OP posts:
hercules1 · 17/05/2009 19:21

I agree with earlier poster that holiday trumps parents evening. Only one of you needs to go anyway - seems odd to get your mum to babysite and have to come by train so you can both go in the first place tbh.

stuffitlllama · 17/05/2009 19:21

yanbu with knobs on

highly flaky in my view