Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To secretly want to say 'I'll remember this when it's your lo's birthday...' to DH's colleague's wife?

133 replies

flamingobingo · 12/05/2009 20:18

Ok, so I'm not actually going to do that, and I'm actually a very nice person and DH and I will continue going out of our way for his colleague and his wife as they embark on their exciting journey having their first baby in August.

But..........colleague wants a few days off to decorate their nursery with his wife at the end of the month. One of those days is DD1's 6th birthday, for which DH wanted a day off so we could take her bowling with some friends (which she's wanted to do for ages). They can't both have the same day off. Colleague said kindly that DH could have the day off, of course. He's just texted to say wife not happy with change of plan and will be having the day off himself .

They've only got loads and loads of weeks to get the flipping decorating done, and DH has offered them to have any other time off at all - he'll cover - but no, of course, decorating a baby's nursery (PFB though...) must be done on the exact day that an existing child is having a birthday. Gah!

So AIBU to slightly want to say to her 'I'll remember this...'? (just to re-iterate, I would never, ever say this, and will no doubt forget it tomorrow when I've got over the mother lioness rage! )

OP posts:
Original poster
flamingobingo · 12/05/2009 20:49

I know, stealth, it was a very good point

I still think she's a meany pants though Couldn't her DH just say 'sorry, she's got an important Dr appt she needs me to attend with her'? DH would probably be far more amenable to missing DD's birthday for something like that than for painting a bloody nursery!

OP posts:
KerryMaid · 12/05/2009 20:52

But why didn't your DH book it earlier, if their policy is that they can't be off at the same time?

mwff · 12/05/2009 20:53

just make sure that when she gives birth your dh books that day off for next year

Original poster
flamingobingo · 12/05/2009 20:56

I don't know, Kerry - because he's a man? She's still mean!

OP posts:
PortoPandemico · 12/05/2009 21:01

Hmm I'm a bit on the fence with this one. I feel your pain, but on the other hand it should be first come first served. I wouldn't be impressed if I had made definite plans with DH, and then he came back and said that one of his colleagues wanted time off and maybe we could change our plans....birthday or no birthday. And i wouldn't expect my colleagues to change their holiday plans for me.

Whether they are decorating a nursery, or just having time off for getting pissed and having lots of sex. it is none of your business. If a particular date is important, book it up early!

Sorry I didn't sound very "on the fence"

KerryMaid · 12/05/2009 21:02

But it's actually your DH's fault that the holiday wasn't available when he tried to book it.

You have no idea why she's so keen for him to be off on those dates - she may be saying it's to paint the nursery because she doesn't want you to know her business.

Perhaps your DH should use this as a reminder to book it up early next year.

bigchris · 12/05/2009 21:11

maybe that's the only time the pregnant wife can get off and she wanted time with her dh doing the nursery before the baby is born?

I can see both sides tbh

and I feela bit sorry for the 2 blokes stuck btw 2 demanding women [wink

fwiw my dad never had any of my birthdays off work, he was self employed so was only off if it fell on a weekend
no damage doen to me

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/05/2009 21:16

Wait a minute... if the rule is first come first served, and your dh didn't book it off until later, that's just tough I'm afraid! Whatever they want the time off for, it isn't any less important to them than your dc birthday is to you! Sorry.

KerryMaid · 12/05/2009 21:20

I'm actually feeling a bit queasy about all this 'he's a man, hehe', business.

Do you generally find it easier to blame people outside of your relationship when things don't go to plan in your family life fb?

Original poster
flamingobingo · 12/05/2009 21:28

Um, excuse me, you lot! I haven't said once that I don't blame my DH, or that I think it's not fair! I've just said that I feel pissed off that she's not being at all kind about it, when I know that DH and I would be were it the other way around!

I haven't said 'AIBU to expect my DH to get a day off on our DD's birthday even if he books it late'! I've said 'AIBU to think at another woman's unkind thinking'.

Queasy? Lighten up, Kerry! !

OP posts:
ClaireDeLoon · 12/05/2009 21:30

'Do you generally find it easier to blame people outside of your relationship when things don't go to plan in your family life fb?'

That's a tad harsh.

marymungoandmidge · 12/05/2009 21:31

Go girl....!

Frivol · 12/05/2009 21:32

BARF AT USE OF WORD NURSERY to describe a room

fishie · 12/05/2009 21:34

flamingo i wish you had posted on what 'would you do?' topic instead.

i don't want to trot out that 'pg women are lunatics' thing. but maybe she has got a real thing about this decorating job. doesn't make it reasonable of course but it could feel really important to her. hopefully she will see sense.

PortoPandemico · 12/05/2009 21:38

Why should she be thinking "unkindly" though. It is presumably nothing to her that it your dd's birthday? Her DH had booked the time off.

My dd's 5 bday fell on a weekday. We didn't take the day off, or even think of doing so, she was at school, as yours is presumably. We sent a cake and gave her presents and "celebrated" with her friends at the weekend when we were off.

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/05/2009 21:39

But that's it, I don't really think she is being unkind!

Say I'd booked a day off to clean the house. Or to go shopping. Might sound boring and unimportant, and something I could do anytime... but that's not the point, I'd still booked the day off.

I would be, and am, much more flexible than this woman in real life But I would take exception to someone taking it for granted that I should change my plans - and that's sort of what you did, kwim?

DesperateHousewifeToo · 12/05/2009 21:54

Could your dh offer to help them paint the room if he can take the day off for dd's birthday?

PortoPandemico · 12/05/2009 22:11

This is the world of work though! Here in Belgium, I'm really lucky that I have colleagues who are happy to work between Boxing Day and New Year for example. I always book the time at the beginning of the year, but it wouldn't be unreasonable of them to all say, sorry think it's MY turn this year....

PortoPandemico · 12/05/2009 22:12

Hesitant bump

PortoPandemico · 12/05/2009 22:12

Hesitant bump

hatwoman · 12/05/2009 22:14

frivol I so agree. it's a bedroom ffs

SerendipitousHarlot · 12/05/2009 22:17

Exactly Porto. We have to work over Christmas as well, and it would be unreasonable of me to expect the lads I work with to cover it every year for me just because I have dc and they don't. So we take turns. Just have to suck it up I'm afraid, OP.

KerryMaid · 12/05/2009 22:31

Yes, queasy, that's what I said.

It'll be fun when you recommend MN to DH's colleague and she sees this thread, huh?

Ooh, what if she's already on here???

ChippingIn · 12/05/2009 22:42

Flamingobingo - YANBU to want to do that

So what if he booked it first - it's painting a bloody room (or filing his toe nails ... whatever.... can't be THAT important or he wouldn't have forgotten and offered to work instead!!), surely the miserable cow can 'let' him go to work one day....

Suggest your DH does as was suggested earlier... books their DD's birthday for the next 20 years!!

Has the other bloke already booked any time he wants off when the baby arrives....

eidsvold · 12/05/2009 22:57

not unreasonable if you want to participate in tit for tat childish behaviour.

Her husband booked that time off according to company policy and your dh did not sort it - a 6th birthday is not significant and by the flip of the coin - you could take your dd bowling any time if it is that important to her why not take her this weekend. If is it something she has been wanting to do for ages why wait til her birthday.

They could paint any time according to you - well you could bowl anytime.

You suddenly think that your family event is more important than what is happening in their family and expect them to change to accommodate you. Then get all pissed when they don't. Life's like that.