to want Formula Feeding Mums to QUIT calling my BF dd tiny

[AntiAnti]

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Nearly everytime we meet someone with a dc the same age as dd, they comment on how small she is compared to their large child.

She is bang on the 50 centile mark for both height and weight on the breastfed growth charts issued by the World Health Organization (but not on the formula fed charts currently used by the NHS).

The WHO charts plot the growth of normal human growth patterns, not the sped up growth of babies fed on bovine hormone infused milk.

AIBU to want people to be aware that normal-weight breastfed babies are not small for their age?

This is not a rant against FF, just one on those who use this as a benchmark for judging other children.

Ignorance sucks.

YANBU to feel sensitive about these comments sometimes.

YABU to judge FFers and to rant on about it like a mad woman.

My ds was born 9th centile and has had weight gain issues ever since.

He is now at the bottom of the chart and has been for ages (now 18months and a happy healthy little chap).

Anyway, in the early days I had a lot of bfing problems and every time someone said 'aw hes soooo tiny' (which happened a lot) I felt really annoyed and upset. I felt like that because I felt like they were blaming me for his size because of my bf probs.

Anyway he was eventually put fully on Formula at 5 months and is now on high calorie formula. His weight gain has hardly shifted a jot . I eventually realised it wasn't my fault he was 'tiny' and to stop being so sentitive about it and realise it is just small talk.

Some people don't think before they talk, they don't realise their comments about your baby might upset you. They're really just trying to make conversation though so just enjoy your lo and stop talking peoples comments so personally!

i think sometimes people say.....@oh he's so small' because babies generally small to most people. i would see any new baby and probably say they are small because my dd sems so bid now....... maybe just innocent remarks!??

So you are offended that they think your DD is tiny?

why?

By the sounds of it OP you are being paranoid, possibly underlying concerns about your DD's weight or height? if you already think there is a problem then of course you are going to think people are pointing it out. IYKWIM.

I will say though don't get sucked in by the charts though, I never once took my DS to the baby clinic because I could see myself he was thriving I don't need a HV putting panic on me it's the last thing a new mum needs! He is a happy, healthy almost 3YO and has been weighed about 10 times since he was born, and that includes the birth weight and leaving hospital! The only other times was when I had to take him for checks and when he was taken into hospital about his skin.

Don't get yourself stressed out you have enough on your plate with your wee one, next time someone says anything just shrug it off and be proud they feel the need to comment on your baby!

YABabitU though for getting stressed but you are a bit out of order assuming all the other kids are FF because they are larger than your DD! As long as a child is being fed then I don't care how it's done!!!

You are not being unreasonable to get bored of repeatedly being told your baby is tiny.
You are bring unreasonable to assume those people are ffers and anti-bfing.
Infact you are being more than unreasonable -bizarre, deliberately provocative and rather silly.

I am a bf counsellor. I gave a deep sigh when I read your OP.

and p.s. my bf baby went from 2nd to 75th percentile. There is a percentage of bf babies who put weight on rapidly. A reminder that generalizations are not usually helpful things.

I can totally sympathise with you feeling annoyed about the 'small' comments. When I took DS for his MMR, one mother kept on going on and on about how small he was and then asked if he was ill! That was after me being really complementary about her DD walking so well. It does upset me and I often find myself actually lying about his age to avoid the inevitable stupid comments. Some people are just born with their feet firmly wedged in their gobs.

The bf/ff thing is a VERY emotive subject and one which can cause an awful lot of upset for both sides. I avoid any discussion at all costs as it's really none of my business how another mother feeds her baby, or the reasons behind it.

If your DS is happy and healthy I would do my best to ignore the charts. If people weren't commenting on your DS's size, they'd find something else to comment on, so do your very best to ignore it.

OP has disappeared

YABU

It is extremely difficult to judge a baby's weight by looking. At birth the MW asked us to guess DS2's weight - we thought he looked a tiny bit bigger than DS1 who was 6lb 10oz - he was 9lbs and we were about 2lb out in our guess. People who comment on size are just saying what their impression is. They are making small talk and not accusing you of neglect. You need to ask yourself why you are so concerned with other's opinions. It isn't really healthy.

I also think you are a bit deluded if you think that bf necessarily makes babies small compared to ff. DS1 started small but put on as much as a lb a week - presumably the speeded up growth of a baby fed on bovine hormone infused milk in your world. Sadly for your rather lame rant he was exclusively bf.

DS2 also put on huge amounts and stayed around 90th centile. Thank goodness they didn't have charts for bf only babies when they were little - they would have been off the charts.

I think you were looking for a fight OP, attempting to make yourself feel better by being derogatory about those who make different choices to you. Sad.

I love it when people comment on how small DS2 is, only because the 'oh he's so small' is nearly always followed by 'isn't he gorgeous!' He is 2 1/2 and on the 9th centile, he was just above the 50th when born. He is also bf (yes still)

Your issue has nothing to do with formula, but you know that really, don't you? - it's to do with the ignorance of people who make remarks about your daughter, and about your own ignorance of food production. I've worked in the field of dairy products and can tell you now that random hormones, antibiotics and the like have been banned in Europe and the UK for many many years now. Unlike the States where growth hormone is still commonly used.

So stop being deliberately inflammatory - we'll not rise to it!

oooh sparkle, could you update us on the limits with the white blood cells in milk?

I know there is a limit to how much pus is "safely" allowed in milk but I can't remember what it is. Since my son is FF I am hoping it has been banned, or at least drastically reduced.

Thanks

I wouldn't really be bothered.

Anti- I ff my dd. She was/is tiny compared to other babes/children, but I was always getting people commentating how small she was. Used to drive me up the wall.

When we went for her first pair of shoes, the lady in the shop at first refused to sell them to us.

My dd walked at 9 months old, but she was the size of a 6 month old. Clarks lady did not believe she could walk until I got her out of her buggy and let her loose in the store!!!

Forgive peoples ignorance and rudeness if you can. Sometimes, though a flippant comment can stay with you all day, I know that. Try and ignore them and enjoy your dc.

(Hope this helps).

Ooh cheshirekitty! I got the same problem when trying to buy shoes for ds. They asked if I was sure I wanted walking shoes and not crawling or cruizing shoes?! I was like, no, he can walk! Then they asked again, you sure he's not just cruizing?

Bearing in mind he was actually 15 months at the time! He is small for his age but I'm not a moron and I do know if my ds can walk or not!

By the way, where's the op gone?

I can't really understand why you are getting so upset about other people commenting on your DD's size.
I have had 3 babies (all BF) and one was petite, one just under average and the current one is large. All of them look beautiful to me no matter what anyone else says!! You nees to stop being so sensitive.

You are being utterly unreasonable ( mine were FF and very, very wee. People commented all the time. Both FF and BFers) and if there's a mUm out there this morning who has just had tO take the decision to FF and is feeling a little low, you've just made her feel like shit with your bovine hormone shite.
Well done.

Litchick Good point!

OP has stirred and left

No way is the OP going to come back to this thread. How can that surprise anyone? She has got a bashing here why would she come back?

I can sympathise with the op re the comments about weight. However not about how a baby is fed.

My dd was a large baby and it really upset me when people used to say how big she was. After all I would never say to an adult "Gosh you are big aren't you!"
People are already aware of their size for Christs sake without some thicko pointing it out.
Fwiw my dd was bf and is still tall, but not fat for her age.
My ds was also a big baby (over 9bls) and has the most fabulous figure you could ever imagine, on wifit he came out as "perfect" so no yanbu.
But cut bf/formula lark it has nothing to do with size that is genetic.

kittywise Not nice to be criticised, I agree (and I asked MN to delete an abusive post earlier on), but this is AIBU, many people think she has been unreasonable.

Presumably she wanted to hear what other people thought, so I hope she comes back. I'd like to hear her thoughts now.

So would I. FFS. I bf my baby for 2 months and DESPARATELY wanted to continue but never got the latch right, and she ended up being less than her birth weight at which point I went on to giving her bottles (and with the joy of double mastitis). So honestly, fr*ck off with your rubbish about bovine hormones etc, also ..

Most people who ff do not do so out of a disapproval of bfing!! I had to put up with loads of snotty comments like "oh what a pity you haven't been able to bond properly with her by bfing her for longer".
I'm not surprised OP has disappeared, silly cow.

OP I think you are just being over sensitive. I think that's part and parcel of being a mother (and a woman) and most likely will continue when your child is growing up.
I bf ds. He was on the 99th centile for height and the 50th for weight. I confess to being a little concerned (wondering if I was producing enough milk)but imo this is his natural build. His father is very tall and slender and I am tall (slender in my youth).
Most of my peers bf their babies and some of them were chubby things. It's natural for comparisons to be made (whether spoken or not). It doesn't sound to me as if this is a ff/bf thing.

THis has got to be a first born, noone gives a hoot what people say about their subsequent babies, well I didn't anyway. I even got upset by the girl/boy confusion!! B