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Original poster

Should this really have been shown on the lunchtime news?

156 replies

EasterBump · 05/05/2009 15:47

I was totally shocked & unprepared to witness those scenes of Marnie Pearce saying goodbye to her children on the lunchtime news today.

I have not followed her case in any level of detail, but surely there are no circumstances that can excuse putting innoccent children through that?

There's a link to the footage here.

Just as a kind of warning, I found it particularly harrowing. Not sure it should really have been shown on the lunchtime news without some kind of a warning really.

OP posts:
lottiejenkins · 06/05/2009 20:05

I have a friend who knew Marnie in Dubai.......... she is devastated by what has happened to her, it is very sad. I hope she gets back custody of her children.

BizzieLizzie1 · 06/05/2009 20:20

theBFG, I think that the comments re the maid need to be seen in context and although they may make for uncomfortable reading they are in my view understandable. The comments are part of Marnie Pearce's final testimony which she made shortly before handing over her children possibly forever and turning herself in to the authorities to serve her prison sentence. When she made her final statement she would have been totally and utterly distaught and her prime concern would have been for the welfare of her children. The maid had not looked after the children before, it had been her job description to clean, and Marnie would have been naturally totally concerned that the maid would be entrusted with the health and welfare of her children. I think that taken in context the animosity that Marnie felt towards the maid is understandable. Afterall, it is largely upon the actions and (false?) testimony of the maid that Marnie Pearce was arrested in the first place and convicted of adultery. I read that there had been a violent incident where the maid had been pushed over in the house by Marnie Pearce's ex husband and that she had actually begged Marnie to take her back to her agency to find another employer. However, shortly after this the maid turned against her - because I understand that it is likely that she accepted money to do that - there are allegations that she was paid to give false testimony againt Marnie - she is also the one to tip off Marnie's estranged husband, at his request, with a phone call when there was a man present in the house - which led to Marnie Pearce's subsequent arrest. I think that her feelings of animosity towards the maid are understandable given her situation.

Nighbynight · 06/05/2009 20:29

www.independent.co.uk/opinion/commentators/johann-hari/the-dark-side-of-dubai-1664368.html

independent newspaper article about dubai

morningpaper · 06/05/2009 20:48

that's really shocking nighbynight

Nighbynight · 06/05/2009 20:57

I know, mp, my mouth dropped open. But when I think about it, I knew all that stuff was going on, it was just seeing his description of it all together like that.

morningpaper · 06/05/2009 21:00

Yes IKWYM

It's frustrating but there is bugger all we can do about it really

Poppity · 06/05/2009 21:02

What a sad article. So many problems.

Nighbynight · 06/05/2009 21:06

yes. that was my conclusion too

ChippingIn · 06/05/2009 21:36

Noonki - I don't see why seeing the differences between two cultures and not wanting to have children with someone from a different culture makes me racist?

TBH even if the MN Judge & Jury decide I am, so be it, I really don't give a toss - there is no way I would put myself in that situation.

To the person that said (sorry, I can't remember your name!!) that 'It's not how it happens etc', I wouldn't continue seeing someone from that culture once it had been established. I would not take the risk.

I have 2 friends (well, friends of friends to be exact) in this situation and would not, for love nor money, put myself in this situation.

Noonki · 06/05/2009 22:19

i didn't say it made you racist I said that the comment you made was verging on being racist.

But yes I do think that not wanting to children with someone from different culture is racist because you are judging someone on their race/culture and I think that is the definition of racism.

You're arguing that this can happen because they are from the middle east does not mean that all Middle Eastern men are going to behave in this way.

do you disagree with all cross cultural relationships then?

Judy1234 · 06/05/2009 23:15

Cross cultural relationships often don't work out so if you have a choice of someone who matches your culture, religion, values, ethics, views on women's rights etc and someone who doesn't and a choice between someone who if the marriage breaks up will go bnack to their parents 10 miles away or in New Zaeland pick the person with whom you share the most in common and lives near. It's common sense.

Dubai is a pretty nasty place anyway - hot sand, sexist culture, bad treatment of domestic servants, money money money, lack of culture.

What both the parents have to do here is think of how together they can ensure the chidlren see a lot of both parents whilst they both work and live in Dubai for the good of the children rather than each fighting for 100% contact.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 06/05/2009 23:25

oh how clever of Xenia to have turned a thread about Marnie Pearce into one about hard done by fathers.

We'll be on to SAHMs next, you mark my words.

ChippingIn · 06/05/2009 23:52

Noonki - it's exactly as Xenia said in her first paragraph (and you might like to frame that comment!!).

We could argue forever about the definition of racism and it's pointless. Even the dictionaries/politicians/activists can't agree on it.

There are many considerations when having children with another person and this is only one of mine. I chose to think about who I would have children with, what this would mean to them if we divorced etc - so shoot me if I don't want to have children with a someone who has strong ties to another country (be it NZ or the Middle East), or a man who has children living in this country when I don't always want to live here, or a man whose family ties are in America.... I see it as nothing more than chosing the best option for me. If that makes me racist, then so be it.

TweetleBeetle · 07/05/2009 07:51

Doesn't make you racist, it makes you realistic.

As I said before, I would try to steer my girls away from someone from a culture that sees women and second class.

I'm sure there are many men out there from such cultures who would never treat their wives like that, but you never know what could happen in the future.

Judy1234 · 07/05/2009 18:25

And they have to look at the wider family too. When in love people often pretend to be what they aren't so look instead at how their father treats their mother and vice versa. If the boys are waited on hand and foot at home or if the boy's mother is a successful busienss woman and the girls had as much spent on their education as the boys etc etc.

But let's think about this case.

  1. The children should stay in Dubai because that's wehere the parents agreed to bring them up otherwise it's very unfair on the father and unsettling for the children
  2. The mother will need to find work there so she and the father can run too homes.
3,. So she will need him to have the children a good bit anyway as the child care is needed from him or his staff etc.
  1. The children probably love both parents as my link to that rather good court judgment says above.
  2. The chilren will not want to feel torn therefoer the parents ought to work out a plan so that the children spend decent amounts of time with both parents so neither father nor mother is hurt by separatino from them. Something like a week with one and a week with the other works well for many families.
ChippingIn · 07/05/2009 21:15

Thank you Tweetle & Xenia

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 07/05/2009 21:31

Xenia you are talking about this case and this man as if there was some possibility of reason, civilised values and putting children's needs first on the cards.

It's just silly.

I don't even know why I'm bothering to point that out, you are determined to pursue your usual nonsense of pretending that in all cases of divorce, men and women should share custody, work full time, employ a nanny and be good friends.

None of which is always either possible or desirable. But you know this.

GColdtimer · 07/05/2009 22:38

Xenia, you are talking about this case as if the husband is a rational and sensitive human being. He is shown that is is not by tearing his children away, kicking and screaming from their mother. Of course what you are saying should happen in an ideal world, but in this case it is highly unlikely to. The woman has no home, no rights, no job and no support and lives in a country which does not recongise her rights as a mother or as a human being. Its not as if they are on an even playing field to start with so your solutions just seem naive.

2shoes · 07/05/2009 22:40

Xenia we have disagreed loads on here, but I think your last post is very good.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 07/05/2009 22:49

The sheer refusal to engage with reality is what really makes the direction this thread has gone down pointless.

The refusal to recognise that this woman is operating in a judicial system which does not recognise her as an equal human being to her ex husband, is so bloody dishonest and offensive. And pointless.

Poppity · 08/05/2009 12:32

I think some people have missed the point that this man had an affair, bribed the maid to inform on his wife when she had a male visitor, then called the police on her.
All this apparently to ensure she had as little as possible to do with her children, and he had sole maintenance, even though much of the time he is away with work.

Obviously the things suggested would be lovely(but still hard work for many)in an amicable separation, I completely agree.

I just think the discussion has moved right away from the problems this poor woman, her children, and her husband are faced with.

HerBeatitudeLittleBella · 08/05/2009 12:37

Poppity, that is the exact intention.

It's one of Xenia's drums and she'll beat it however inappropriate the thread.

MollieO · 08/05/2009 12:51

She had a male visitor and was with him alone. Not something that you would ever do in an Arab country. I feel sorry for her but she did know the custom and practice of the country in which she was living and would have been well aware that women's rights are substantially less than men's. It isn't fair but that is how life is there and that is well known.

Ds asks and cries almost on a daily basis to see his father. His father wants absolutely nothing to do with him. Not all absent fathers want to have relationships with or support their offspring.

mousemole · 08/05/2009 12:52

oh my god that is horrendous. Poor poor women and those poor children. That will scar them forever.

TweetleBeetle · 09/05/2009 09:01

This particular story is horrendous and I really hope that the mum gets to see her children again, the ex comes across as a terrible man and a terrible dad, really nasty.

However Xenia has raised a valid point, its not just mothers who miss out on seeing their children, dads do too.

Yes there are some shit dads in thsi world who do bugger all and don't seem to care about the children unless it aggrevates the mum, however I think there are more dads out there who don;t behave like this. There are also shit mums who will use the children to get back at the dads. Maybe Xenia could start another thread about this one, but its an interesting debate, unfortunately some mums whose children have deadbeat dads will never accept that there are caring dads out there.