Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Original poster

to expect mum's of girls not to think of boys as some kind of alien species to be feared??

117 replies

Ceebee74 · 29/04/2009 12:22

I have 2 boys and am fed up of people's comments about how awful boys are, how they couldn't cope with a boy etc.

Just what is it that they are so scared of?? Their comfy little lives, where the girls sit prettily colouring in and playing with dolls, being disrupted by a (god forbid) boisterous little boy?

OP posts:

ShowOfHands · 29/04/2009 12:25

Had this thread several times before. The problem is the person who says these things, not what they say. You are just as likely to get a mother of boys saying 'oh girls, yuck all that pinkness, ballet and bitching'. It's the person that is ignorant and I am going to take a wild guess and suggest that said people don't limit their ignorance to comments on gender.

Ignore.

lizziemun · 29/04/2009 12:26

YANBU.

I'm hoping ds (5wks) will be a lot easier then my 2 dd's .

JustCallMeGoat · 29/04/2009 12:36

get over it

Litchick · 29/04/2009 12:40

Just don't listen.
A mum od boys often tells me she couldn't bear all the 'eating disorder anxiety,' with girls as if my daughter will definitely get one.
Similarly a gorls Mum I know, huffs whenever she has to giev a boy a lift because they're so noisy.

JeanPoole · 29/04/2009 12:41

well my dd gets called tomboy as she never sit still.

i get fed of hearing girls ar bitchy.

so best we all ignore this nonsense really.

Sassybeast · 29/04/2009 12:43

YABU for letting it bother you yes.

jellybeans · 29/04/2009 12:43

YANBU but although I didn't care much about gender (due to m/cs) I had 2 DDs first. Loved it and loved girls stuff so I think it's a case of thinking 'what you know is best'. Perhaps seeing the negatives of other people's situations. I didn't not want a boy at all, I just 'got' girls. I did kind of think boys were abit boistrous etc but fast forward a few years and I now have 3 fab boys! I can honestly say i had no idea how fab boys were (no brothers), every bit as great/fun as girls. Easier in many ways too (age 11-14 with girls is hard!!).

So I think it's more a case of not knowing what boys are really like they don't know what they are 'missing' or what boys give. i find people far more negative about boys than girls and of people who have only boys. Still, that's from women, maybe men get comments if they have only daughters. I was once told (after having DD1) that he was glad he had a son as girls 'are not the same!' He has since had a girl and is besotted!

smallorange · 29/04/2009 12:51

Yup my girls "sit prettily colouring in and playing with dolls."

cornflakegirl · 29/04/2009 12:52

Well, I'm "scared" of girls. I have a typically boisterous nearly 4yo boy. If he's playing with other boys then there'll be some pushing and nicking each others' toys, but they generally sort it out between them (unless they actually get hurt). But girls seem to be much more likely to whinge about the boys being rough and spoiling their gentler games. The whinging really annoys me. So it seems reasonable that the roughness annoys the girls' parents.

I know not all girls play nicely and not all boys play rough - I can think of one little girl we know who plays just like the boys, and she is fab. But there does seem to be a gender split.

MsMargotBeauregarde · 29/04/2009 12:52

i've one of each and it's at ballet that I hear the funniest comments. most of the ballet mums have 2 or 3 girls!! i seem to be the only one in the changing room with a 'boy child'.

People are usually waiting for him to be 'rough and boisterous'!!!

chocolateismyonlyweakness · 29/04/2009 12:54

YANBU, but strongly agree with other posters who say take no notice. I would just say something like 'I wouldn't be without my boy!' They possibly have quiet girls and can't imagine having a normal, lively boy (I have a dd and a ds).

cory · 29/04/2009 12:59

the only time I would take notice is if I think they are trying to tell me something

if there is reason to believe that 'I couldn't cope with boisterous boys' actually means 'can't you make this particular item shut up?'

cupofteaplease · 29/04/2009 13:00

Neither of my girls are as the OP describes. They enjoy rough and tumble as well as imaginative play and make up. Our life is never comfy!

It is general stereotyping that the OP describes- that is not exclusive to mothers of girls.

It is tiring to hear how boys are more loving- my dd1 is the most cuddly person I know.

Equally, she gets by at nursery but is by no means the star of the class academically- yet the mums of boys seem to expect that girls are more capable than boys.

Can't we all just get along?

andlipsticktoo · 29/04/2009 13:02

In an ideal world every mother would have a son and every father would have a daughter, I have learned SO much from my 3 ds.

But it's not an ideal world. We should all be a bit more understanding and less judgemental - but we would probably find that dull! (And MN just wouldn't be the same )

peppapighastakenovermylife · 29/04/2009 13:05

Lol. I am currently living in exhaustion due to my insane nearly 3 year old DS. Who wants a bet that fast forward 10 years and he will be my easy one and I will be hiding from teenage DD?

I personally have seen a difference even though DD is only 8 months old. She is definitely quieter and happier to stay put. However that could just be her personality although my friends with daughters do seem to have a quieter time at the moment.

I bet it all changes later on though but I do sometimes think that some parents underestimate their luck when they have a placid child (girl or boy regardless). I think I parent DS fairly well but that doesnt stop him running riot when he wants to!

Original poster

Ceebee74 · 29/04/2009 13:06

In my OP, I was being ironic about girls 'sitting prettily....'

I know, full well, that girls can be as boisterous as boys - and that is as it should be

However, I think what I was getting at is that I didn't choose to have 2 boys (although I am totally happy with that and, as it happens, is what I would have chosen) - so I don't think it is nice for other people to be critical about my family/life when I had no control over it iyswim. I wouldn't dream of making snide/nasty remarks about other people's family. And, this is quite often said by people who don't really know my boys so they aren't being critical about them personally - just 'boys' in general.

And, if it makes you feel better, DS1 is not 'cuddly/loving' in the slightest. I have to pin him down (playfully) or wait until he is tired/half asleep to get any kisses off him

OP posts:

ShauntheSheep · 29/04/2009 13:08

YABTU some mums of girls may have this attitude but that is their problem.

I hate this Mums of girls v mums of boys. Some mums of girls may feel that way just as some mums of boys have a really wierd attitude fo girls being bitches and whingy etc which is jsut as crap and damaging an attitude.

whats wrong with 'kids will be kids and lets treat each one as an individual' rahter than lumping them by gender.

ShowOfHands · 29/04/2009 13:15

I have the perfect antidote to gender stereotyping. I introduce my BIL and SIL to the stereotyper. BIL is a professional ballet dancer, SIL plays rugby for England, prop forward in fact. Then sit back and watch the confusion.

JeanPoole · 29/04/2009 13:38

soh

BitOfFun · 29/04/2009 15:44

How fantastic!

toomuchmonthatendofthemoney · 29/04/2009 15:57

SOH think you have a fantastic business opportunity there! you could send them along to every class in the country to do a "anything is possible whether you are a boy or a girl" talk (and demo? who lifts who?)

ABetaDad · 29/04/2009 16:18

smallorange - very much agree with what you said. We have two DSs. Glad to hear your DD has boys who are friends and gets mucky.

I also see other people's DS being aggressive with girls (and other boys) and it annoys me when they do not stop them. Some parents seem to think boy aggression is OK and almost encourage it. It is not OK at all.

We absolutely will not permit our boys to be aggressive with each other or other children. We strongly want them to have good relations with girls (and boys). Very unusually, we have always sent them to Prep scools where they are boys in a tiny minority with far more girls in their class and their school.

Girl parents always comment how lovely our boys are with their daughters and I DO sense that they expect boys to be aggressive with their girls.

That said, our boys find girls are often not fun as they wil not join in nice games or they even sometimes make it quite clear they just do not want boys around at all which upsets our boys a lot. They are only 9 and 7 years old for goodness sake!

Our boys do have a few girls who are friends though and they especially like those that muck in like your DD and are willing to do interesting 'stuff' with them.

Lizzylou · 29/04/2009 16:24

My boys are boisterous, but not overly so. They do need to be exercised regularly but would say that at these ages (5 and 3) that they are as noisy as girls, not more so tbh.

Both have friends who are girls, but they are very physical and I admit that I have on more than one occasion wondered what life would be like with a little girl who sat and coloured in/played quietly with dolls. I don't know why as I was always playing football and climbing trees and I don't know of any little girls like that.

MrsTittleMouse · 29/04/2009 16:25

I've also come across the "boys will be boys and you just don't understand" thing before now. No, I understand completely, your DS is being agressive and you're expecting me just to roll over and let him bully my DD.

It's rare though, I also know lots of boys who are energetic and bouncy but who know how to behave and who are pulled up on their behaviour if they over step the mark. As well as knowing quieter boys and lively girls. I'm sure that my two DDs re-enforce gender stereotypes as they are angels when they are out. They save the shouting and running around like looneys and disobedience for when they are at home.

cory · 29/04/2009 16:29

It cuts both ways. If we don't want our boys to have the boisterous label, we also do need to be prepared to keep them under control. Or issue ear muffs.

(ds is not aggressive but he is very loud and I do understand that it gets on people's nerves, I am trying honestly, and I'd rather they told him off when I'm not around to do it than went on making allowances whilst muttering under their breaths)

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Swipe left for the next trending thread