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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect mum's of girls not to think of boys as some kind of alien species to be feared??

117 replies

Ceebee74 · 29/04/2009 12:22

I have 2 boys and am fed up of people's comments about how awful boys are, how they couldn't cope with a boy etc.

Just what is it that they are so scared of?? Their comfy little lives, where the girls sit prettily colouring in and playing with dolls, being disrupted by a (god forbid) boisterous little boy?

OP posts:
pinkmagic1 · 29/04/2009 17:46

I have one of each and can assure you my DD is the most bossy, boisterous and demanding of the 2. My DS has his moments but is generally very quiet, well behaved and loveable and was a much, much easier baby than DD.

ABetaDad · 29/04/2009 18:19

Hangingbelly - that is exactly what happens with boys when unsupervised. They start play fighting and it escalates without fail. Our DSs were at a Prep for a while where it happened with the boys a lot every playtime and we took them out. It was like the school did not care and thought t somehow normal.

If it happens with DS1 and DS2 and we stop it before it starts. Running, shouting, going wild and getting absolutely filthy we encourage.

I do not agree boys 'express themselves' through fighting. They do if they are allowed to - boys can learn to communicate in other ways. Indeed, when DS1 is involved in that sort of 'fighting' type play with other boys his communications skills collapse as his mind is all over the place.

I feel very strongly on this issue as I see so many out of control boys in society in general and I have to say the adult man (or lack of a man) in their life is the problem in many cases.

troutpout · 29/04/2009 18:30

maybe ya just to entertain such tosh

one could say the same crap about mothers of boys thinking all little girls are scheming and sneaky
but one doesn't and rises above it...obviously

troutpout · 29/04/2009 18:32

That should have read..
maybe you are just being unreasonable to...

slightlycrumpled · 29/04/2009 18:45

I have two boys and three step sons, not a girl in sight (apart from me!) and I have had a few 'oh poor you' comments, but I just ignore them now.

Boys/Girls, whatever they are children and just as likely to be as naughty as each other.

Actually we do allow them to play fight, only with each other, and not one of them has ever been involved in a fight or in trouble for this kind of thing. They were taught at a very early age when to stop and about understanding hurting anyone (boys or girls). The odd tickle fight between themselves and practice rugby tackles is accepted in this house but stopped before it goes too far.

To be fair most of the children I know boys and girls are on the whole very well behaved anyway.

Ignore the comments.

YorkshireRose · 29/04/2009 18:52

I've also had another mum say "all girls are bitches, anyone who disagrees is kidding themselves". And she has a DD!

Speak for yourself, love, my DD is lovely!

Paolosgirl · 29/04/2009 19:17

My sister was in tears at the thought of her third child being a boy, and is fairly disparaging of boys . I've got 2 boys and a girl - the boys have definitely been more physical and boisterous, which has come has a huge shock to me! My sister and I were very quiet as children, and I expected all of my children to be the same

Morloth · 29/04/2009 19:42

I have had dogs and I now have a boy and I can tell you exactly the same stuff works behaviourly - DS is just not CAPABLE of sitting still and listening and colouring and writing if he hasn't had the legs run off him first. My DH is an uncomplicated soul and I am extremely laid back - DS is a product of his genetics, so I am not concerned I have not been paying attention to his emotional needs.

From MY perspective, looking at the girls of DH's age that I know they are vastly more complicated than him. When we spend time with other families who have girls we all comment on the differences.

I quite like dogs personally, particularly large boisterous dogs that need a lot of exercise, food and affection so for me to compare my son to one is no insult.

Sycamoretree · 29/04/2009 20:36

YABU....and ignorant of REAL little girls! LOL at sitting prettily in the corner.

They are being pillocks, obviously. Just ignore it and find something more important to get worked up about!

I have one of each, btw.

Original poster
Ceebee74 · 29/04/2009 20:40

Like dogs you say.....mmm think I do actually agree with that. DS1 definitely needs a lot of exercising so in a way, I envy my friends who just have girls as they don't HAVE to go to the park/soft play/think of things to do constantly/play outside every single day - they can just have a quiet day at home without chaos I get SO fed up of being DS1's personal entertainer all the bloody time - can't wait for DS2 to grow up to do the job for me

Flibberty I know exactly who you are talking about I actually think my friend was glad her second baby was a girl aswell as I often see the look of horror on her face when DS1 is 'playing' with her DD1

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 29/04/2009 20:45

Sycamoretree do they not! Bang goes my fantasy!

I think sometimes a lot of it comes down to "giving a dog a bad name", boys/girls will live up to the stereotypes. And children perpetuate them as well.

I know girlish boys and boysih girls, I was so sad when DS1 came home after his first week of school and declared that his favourite colour wasn't pink anymore, he'd been told by other boys in his class that that was for girls.

ABetaDad · 29/04/2009 20:48

Ceebbe74 - been there, done that. Weekends when our DSs were younger were just a constant round of thinking of things to do every 2 - 3 hours that involved physical activity of some kind. The hours I have spent in soft play areas on cold wet winter days does not bear thinking about.

However now DS2 is 7 he is just old enough to occupy DS1 (age 9) and I built them a den with TV and fridge in the garage, space for parking bikes and loads of outside toys so they are playing out together a lot more.

Mothers with girls just generally do not understand how much excercise some boys need and how much energy and noise they generate. I am not being down on girls though - or lumping them in one box. They vary too.

stillenacht · 29/04/2009 20:51

ceebee - i have had this too from mothers of only daughters...

Original poster
Ceebee74 · 29/04/2009 20:57

Abetadad glad it is not just me - unfortunately I am a good 6 years off my 2 being the same age as yours

On the one day of the week (other than the weekend) that DS1 is not at nursery, I have to go to soft play/park - life is unbearable otherwise. My 2 friends who also don't work on the same day as me both have just girls so they will agree to come and meet me once every few months but they just don't see/understand that I HAVE to do it every week - and I hate going to these places by myself!

OP posts:
Lizzylou · 29/04/2009 21:10

OOH we have had many walks in the rain, to jump in puddles etc and burn off the energy.

I know what you mean, I used to frequent soft play at least twice a week before DS1 went to school and I went back to work 4 days a week. Now the CM takes DS2.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 29/04/2009 21:25

Abetadad and CeeBee - thank you, I'd never seen it that way before and it makes sense. I'm having my 20 week scan tomorrow so will hopefully find out if I am going to be mum to 2 girls and a boy or mum to 3 girls - both slightly scary prospects really .

sherazade · 29/04/2009 22:01

i have 2 girls, ages 2 and 4.

They swing off curtains, jump on beds, snap all their crayons in pieces and use them to scribble on furniture, tear up their colouring books and dismemeber the dolls that other people have bought them.

so there.

hmc · 29/04/2009 22:08

Well Ceebee, I have a girl and a boy, and tbh he is an alien species to be feared (albeit rather adorable and totally doted upon by his sap of a mother).

Take for instance this evening - I caught him busily engaged in hurling pebbles over the fence onto the next door neighbour's driveway. He had not one inkling of a suspicion that this might attract their ire, he simply thought that it was a challenge to throw them high and accurate. I do think this lack of awareness (plus other equally 'charming' characteristics) is a 'boy thing' (and I'm a committed feminist with all the usual reservations about gender stereotyping)

gibbberish · 29/04/2009 22:14

I have four dds and tbh until very recently boys WERE like an alien species to me! I had had no experience of boys, didn't know how to relate to them, what books/toys/programmes they liked etc.

That's not to say I thought they were awful or was scared of them!

However, my youngest sis had a ds 18mths ago and it has been so lovely getting to know him and see him grow up. I have been able to appreciate how little boys are especially sweet and gorgeous and for the first time would love a little boy of my own.

Incidentally, if I had a pound for everyone who had offered their condolences that I had to suffer FOUR GIRLS I would be rather well off now. So yes, it does work both ways.

pointydog · 29/04/2009 22:32

oh pur-lease. The op is being just as dim as the people who made the initial comments.

Girls aren't quiet little goody-goodies and boys aren't obnoxious tearaways.

It ain't hard.

hmc · 29/04/2009 22:34

Pointy - do you have both?

pointydog · 29/04/2009 22:39

no I don't. Not surprisingly, I also don't accept the suggestion that I cannot possibly comment since I only have one sex.

hmc · 29/04/2009 22:43

Nevertheless, I would respectfully suggest that you are not qualified to comment.

hmc · 29/04/2009 22:45

Badly worded - I meant - comment away, feel free...but first hand experience is everything

pointydog · 29/04/2009 22:46

I bet you'd suggest that!

It's bollocks. And I take the word of juules on this who has many children, good mix of boys and girls, and she always says the individual has far more bearing than sex.

It;s the mums who have one boy and one girl who are by far the worst, ime. Like they find it harder to grasp just how different two children can be regardless of sex.

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