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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to expect mum's of girls not to think of boys as some kind of alien species to be feared??

117 replies

Ceebee74 · 29/04/2009 12:22

I have 2 boys and am fed up of people's comments about how awful boys are, how they couldn't cope with a boy etc.

Just what is it that they are so scared of?? Their comfy little lives, where the girls sit prettily colouring in and playing with dolls, being disrupted by a (god forbid) boisterous little boy?

OP posts:
Morloth · 29/04/2009 16:32

Girls just look more complicated to me. Honestly my son is like a dog. If he is fed, adequately exercised and rested then he is happy. That's pretty much it.

ABetaDad · 29/04/2009 16:43

Morlot - absolutley agree. We say that about boys as well. I know dogs and I know boys and it works.

An unexcercised boy cannot learn or behave. The best boy's schools private know this. Its part of the problem in state schools. Boys not getting enough sport at home or school. They are so full of energy they cannot help but be restless in class or aggressive.

Same with a dog that chews, barks and causes trouble - excercise is a big healer.

cory · 29/04/2009 16:44

oh I get terribly bored with that old 'girls are so complicated, boys are honest and straightforward' thing, used to get it all the time from my MIL

I have one of each, and tbh I find them both complicated at times and straightforward at times

because- they're people

Greensleeves · 29/04/2009 16:50

my boys' emotional needs are rather more complex than a dog's - perhaps you're not paying enough attention?

The boys/dogs analogy is every bit as stupid and offensive as the "girls are bitchy" one.

wishingchair · 29/04/2009 16:52

Agree cory. All different. My brother was (is) a lot more "complicated" than I am. He's more creative than I am. I'm more competitive than he is. He's definitely more neurotic than me.

Some of the biggest whingers I know have been boys, and my girls can bring a whole new meaning to the word "loud".

ShowOfHandsNoLongerKissesKunes · 29/04/2009 16:56

Ooh I wonder if BIL and SIL are interested in becoming human show and tell items. Family Christmas at the ILs' is fascinating. SIL wins all arm wrestling competitions but BIL can do press ups whilst in a hand stand so everybody's a winner.

BoysAreLikeDogs, where is she these days?

Lizzylou · 29/04/2009 16:59

Greensleeves, I think you're right, boys are not dogs (I actually dislike dogs anyway) but it is true that my boys need to have regular exercise otherwise they cannot concentrate/behave.
DS1 in particular needs to run and run, he cannot walk, he hops, skips, jumps, he seems to be in perpetual motion. He is also very sensitive and can be very shy, he has difficulty articulating his feelings and worries about anything and everything. DS2 is far more sedentary and only 3, but seems far more robust and self-confident.

Greensleeves · 29/04/2009 17:00

girls need exercise too though. I don't accept that boys need it more.

My post wasn't aimed at BoysAreLikeDogs btw, I like her and had always assumed it was an ironic nn.

Flibbertyjibbet · 29/04/2009 17:04

Ha ha ceebee and your little un isn't even mobile yet!

There was a lady at that party you were at who has stopped inviting me and my two boys over to her house because she just can't cope with their er, physicalness. They can't go round and just play with jigsaws or paint for several hours - they have to have bouts of leaping and running regardless of where they are! If they're at home I herd them out into the park across the street but you can't do that in someone's show home

She has one dd who will sit quietly colouring, has never put pen to wallpaper, and was really cross last week that her 2 year old nephew broke a toy last week...

Cos her dd has NEVER broken anything..

Anyway she has a boy now same age as your baby.

I can't wait....

Don't tell her!!!

ps have emailed you about swimming x

ShowOfHandsNoLongerKissesKunes · 29/04/2009 17:04

Can we all agree that most living creatures need exercise? Even my 83yr old, arthritic grandmother needs a run out every now and then or she starts confusing the news stories and thinks that Mexican pigs are causing a recession. She's winding us up I suspect but if we don't let her out for a wander occasionally she does get a bit crazy.

ShowOfHandsNoLongerKissesKunes · 29/04/2009 17:05

Greeny, no my was at the concept of boys being like dogs. And it triggered a though that I hadn't seen BALD for a while. There ends my thought process. Maybe I need some exercise.

Greensleeves · 29/04/2009 17:06

I don't need exercise, I need a beer and a wodge of cake

Hulababy · 29/04/2009 17:06

Am mum of a girl and have never been negative towards boys as a whole. I do think many boys are different in the way they play/are than many girls - but isn't that just nature? But worse, definitely not.

However, have to say that it is a two way thing. Girls are so often described negatively too with people stating a preference for biys only.

So, whilst you are not unreasonable to not want it to happen about boys, fdon;t forget that it happens the other way just as much too.

Greensleeves · 29/04/2009 17:07

I think the moral of the story is that it's a shit idea to put people in boxes

Lizzylou · 29/04/2009 17:08

Haven't a clue, Greensleeves, I only have boys (although my fantasy baby no. 3 is a girl who sits quietly coloruing and looks pretty at least, that is what I use to try and tempt DH into another DC).
I do know lots of very energetic and loud little girls too, and they are lovely.

ShowOfHandsNoLongerKissesKunes · 29/04/2009 17:08

Walk to fridge, retrieve beer and cake. Exercise and nutrition all in one. All that lifting things to mouth and chewing too. I'll be looking like Madonna in no time. No, wait, I haven't thought this through have I?

pagwatch · 29/04/2009 17:09

But boys are a type of alien species. And girls are a type of alien species. And teenagers are from somewhere beyond that.
It is part of the fun.

If you are worrying about mums of girls generalising about boys then you needs to maybe think about macrame, or Tai Chi - that is good for the soul.

ShowOfHandsNoLongerKissesKunes · 29/04/2009 17:10

Oh I don't know, putting people in boxes is all the entertainment available to a country in recession.

thelollipoplady · 29/04/2009 17:12

I have 2 DDs and am pregnant with boy. The stupid comments - 'just wait till you have a boy, you'll have your hands full' have started already. Perhaps it's just pregnancy intolerance, but it winds me up so much. Although my 2 are proper girls (obsessed with disney princesses), their personalities are so different. One's calm, the other's frenetic. One's emotional, the other tends to bottle things up. One runs for miles, the other would like me to get her pushchair back out of the attic. I'm expecting another different personality with my boy - of course one that's eventually more interested in bulldozers than bratz - but just different, just as another girl would have given our family another character.

CatchaStar · 29/04/2009 17:15

'where the girls sit prettily colouring in and playing with dolls, being disrupted by a (god forbid) boisterous little boy?'

Lol, not my dd! Boys run away from my child - she's a bolshy wee thing and gives as good as she gets. A boy at toddler group tried to steal a toy she was playing with today, dd was having none of it. Poor little boy looked quite scared of her afterwards and left her alone after that! I think I heard her actually growl at him!

My dd will quite happily roll around in mud and play with any children, regardless of gender. She is only 23 months mind. But I hope she stays this way and I will certainly always encourage her too.

Hangingbellyofbabylon · 29/04/2009 17:17

there was a thread last week all about how vile pink clothes are etc etc so I think it's swings and round-a-bouts. Personally I am a bit worried about having a boy. I have 2 sisters, 2 daughters and went to an all girls school. I used to teach in a mixed secondary and I found it really hard to 'get' the boys. Some of them seemed to be play fighting and the next second it would escalate out of control into a proper fight. I could never tell when they had crossed that line. I also get scared in swing parks when my dd's are trying to play properly and there's some little gang of boys climbing up the slide instead of going down it. I really do worry that my dd's will get hoofed in the head or something. But my dh has assured me that it is down to poor parenting rather than anything else and you can bring up a boy properly.

francagoestohollywood · 29/04/2009 17:20

Well I don't know about other boys, but my ds often resembles one of those affectionate but highly energetic dogs. And dogs do have complex emotional needs. My pil dog is a pro at psycho dramas

Anyway, I think that yes, putting people into boxes, like greeny says, is never a good idea.

pagwatch · 29/04/2009 17:21

at Hangingbelly

I had two boys aged 10 and 6 when I had DD.
I LOVED having boys. I loved the rugby kit and the sweaty toes and the kisses and the boyish stuff.
Then I had DD and she was just such a blast. I am so glad I tried both. She is sooo in charge of the other two and just terrifyingly fearless and yet still a bit pink and all that cliche stuff.

Little people are great

Barnum · 29/04/2009 17:37

Hi, I've got 4 ds and 1 dd (who is the youngest - no we weren't trying for the girl - she was a fab unplanned surprise) and have come across the 'boys are difficult/horrible/boisterous etc' argument alot over the years - my eldest ds is 21 on Sunday! Boys are something we have to learn to accept, whatever their nature and I feel sure it is nature and not necessarily nurture. Our boys are extremely boisterous, fight alot, eat far too much, and generally are quite 'hard work', whatever that is! I remember moaning about the fact my eldest got his clothes really dirty (how naive I was!) all the time and an elderly family friend constantly saying " But he's a boy!" to me - it annoyed me at the time but now I look back and think how right she was - he wasn't being deliberately 'bad' or annoying, it's just what a lot of boys do - they get dirty cause they play those kind of games. Similarly they love to play fight and someone will always end up in tears but it's not usually serious and helps to teach them a lot about give and take in life, and by that I do not mean you can thump someone if you disagree with them, but simply that at a young age that is the way they work things out - they don't have the language skills to verbally negotiate. This may sound as tho I'm all for fighting but I'm not, I just think it's an important part of growing up, especially for boys.
Our daughter is very girly and pink, despite also being rather a tom boy. She is also very different to them and will sit and colour, do puzzles and talk to us!! It's lovely to have a conversation with someone so small (she was 3 on Monday) and she is a delight to spend time with. However, she can also be very moody at times and already is very 'just so' about how she wants things to be! I wouldn't have missed the opportunity to parent a girl for the world and am finding it a very different experience from parenting sons so far.
So Ceebee, enjoy your boys and try not to be bothered about what others say, I'm sure they'll be fine young men in the future - I know my eldest is

katiestar · 29/04/2009 17:40

Ceebee I am guessing this 'boy bulls*it ' comes from mothers of very young girls under 6 ?
Smile,nod ,give it a few years and then see if they still feel the same way !!

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