to expect mum's of girls not to think of boys as some kind of alien species to be feared??

[Ceebee74]

I have 2 boys and am fed up of people's comments about how awful boys are, how they couldn't cope with a boy etc.

Just what is it that they are so scared of?? Their comfy little lives, where the girls sit prettily colouring in and playing with dolls, being disrupted by a (god forbid) boisterous little boy?

What about this then....when my dds were at junior school if the boys were "naughty" they were moved from their table of mates (usually the same sex but not always) to be sat next to girls - as a punishment!

And if the girls were naughty they were moved to be sat next to boys!

What does that teach dcs about gender issues....sigh

and boogiewoogie - I know you think that mother was over-reacting. And to shout at your ds is wrong and she should not have done it.

BUT some children - girls AND boys - are easily panicked by a child appearing to chase them. They are so sensitive that the thought of the playgroup next time is scary; they find it hard to go to sleep at night; they worry all day.

Being the parent of an over-sensitive child is very difficult. It's not really about whtether they are girls or boys.

If it had been a boy your dc was following who ran to his mum in hysterics gender would never have been raised as the cause but the situation would have been the same.

The crackfox and boogie - i have had the same

Today when i took my SN son to pick up my other son from an after school club 5/6 boys were playing football (all about the same age as my SN DS) and my DS ran over to be with them and then all of a sudden one of the mothers shouted it was time to go so they all went off...this has happened countless times its as if the mothers are too scared to let their NT DSs come into contact with disability for fear of the questions from their DC which may come.

So its not just mothers of girls who are scared of boys (only some of course) - its also mothers of neurotypical children who are scared of learning disabled children.

Time and again when my son has approached a group of children the children have been cleared away. My DS can clear a playground within a few minutes

He is not violent or aggressive (yet thank God) he is a five year old with the mental age of 20 months.

Yeah, sorry YABU.

Of course it is wrong to stereotype and assume that all boys are overtly physical and so on... equally, it is wrong to stereotype girls and assume that all girls are bitchy, sneaky etc... Therefore, I agree that it is wrong to assume that all boys are 'awful' as you said in your OP.

However, I don't think it wrong for some women to note that they would struggle more with a son or a daughter. As another teacher and former play worker, I 'get' girls far more than I 'get' boys. For that reason, I taught in a girls' school for many years and think I am a better teacher with girls. I now have 2 DDs and think that I'm probably a better mother to daughters than I would be to a son. I am quite girlie myself so we enjoy having girlie days together, in our free time, we enjoy doing all the arts and crafts together and all that kind of stuff (They're into all the traditional girly things - Ballet, gymnastics, HSM, pink, clothes, shopping...). Further, I have a friend who has a son and she is an amazing mother to him, in a way I know I could never be. But she enjoys being outdoorsy, kicking a ball around etc (For my DDs outdoors constitutes making daisy chains and doing cartwheels!)I have another friend who would hate to have DDs - she hates all things pink and girlie, and so she says she'd hate to have daughters, and much prefers having sons...!

It just works both ways - Some people get girls better, others are better with boys - just in life some women prfer to have female friends, whilst others prefer having more male friends etc etc... It is perfectly normal to have preferences, the only thing I think yanbu about is if it is voiced in a rude manner that puts down boys or girls - because neither gender is better than the other, they're just different that's all.

I think i 'get' girls better. (1 - I am one , 2 - I have taught them for the last 15 years at secondary level)

However i have 2 DSs. I will never understand them - they remain a constant source of fascination

Karam - interesting that as a teacher you felt you didnt 'get' boys. I have been thinking for a while that DS1 has a female teacher like that. She is young and has no children yet but did attend a girl's school herself and has only ever taught girls before. I feel she may be being much harder on DS1 than the girls in his class and especially when he is being a bit noisy or boisterous at play time (not aggressive). DS1 feels it and has complained about it to me.

Two years prior to that he had a wonderful woman teacher who had 2 DDs herself but did 'get' how DS1 worked and so I know this is not an issue about female teachers not getting boys.

Abetadad - as a female teacher who teaches in a largely female environment (which most educational settings are) i agree that some female teachers have that attitude (i often hear 'god i couldn't teach boys all day' - from female and male colleagues)

Abetadad, its quite possibly the case. From my perspective, not getting boys isn't about being negative about them, just I always found it harder to work out what makes them tick, to motivate them etc. With the girls it was easy - Purple sparkly pens all the way! I found it easy to find little things like these that would motivate girls and get them working (allowing them to use pens from my special box, often worked a treat!) But of course, boys were not often motivated by that!

As another teacher said, I also found it difficult to see when play fighting went over the line (and could never get why so many lads just had to bring in fighting to every role play going!)

But then they surprise me in other ways, like now I only teach 'A' levels, and I give out Gold stars for excellent performance - and was shocked a few years ago when a 19 year old lad asked me to buy some silver stars because he had been working really hard and had not won a gold star, so I could buy silver stars as well. Of course I did, but I thought they would have seen it as silly or pointless, yet it is often the boys who seem to care more about getting these silly stickers than the girls do. (I have to say, that really threw me!!)

I'm now very conscious that I don't get boys in the same way, and so now work much harder in my teaching to try and motivate them, engage them and so on, but I have to say it doesn't come as naturally to me as working with girls. I hope that explains it!

karam - that is interesting. The gold/silver stars thing is really interesting. I thought it was only pimary school children liked those!

Our DS1 will be taught next year by a woman who has taught in a boys Prep so things will right themselves and I am sure his old teacher will with more experience.

I used to teach young professional adults and believe it or not the difference in learning styles was apparent even at that level as in school between 'boys' and 'girls' although there was a fair bit of crossover. I had to stop the 'boys' shouting out answers in class for example and bring the 'girls' in to the discussion in a very concious way, frame questions in a different way. we even had to have plenty of breaks and stop the boys from sitting at the back of the class mucking about.

TheCrackFox, I have experienced that too - because of course girls are never ever naughty or boisterous

I find the behaviour of some kids to be destructive/ damaging / dangerous / out of control. This relates to both boys and girls but violent behaviour in my own experience is not exclusively, but more often, associated with boys.

When my dd was in reception there were a lot of whole class parties and almost always bloodshed, kicks to the head etc. Two individual boys were always involved and the parents of these boys never stayed at the parties.

Most of the boys in my dd's class are lovely but the behaviour of some kids is scary in that you have cause to fear for the physical safety of your child.

I have a dd and a ds and my dd plays quitely most of the time loves drawing, painting, etc, my ds on the other hand is a very bositerous boy who draws all over her work half and runs riot and spends a good porportion of the day on the naughty step! He is three and alot of boys can be like that at that age, in a couple of years time in will all swop round and it will probably be my dd stressing me out and my ds will be an angel

I have a friend with two boys and she is constantly telling me that DD is easier because she's a girl. Her eldest son is the same age as DD and they do pretty much the same things, but whereas I put DD's actions down to being a toddler she always puts her son's identical actions down to being a boy (cue, "oh it's so not fair, boys are so hard").

I thought it was an unspoken fact that boys are easier than girls?

I know someone with one girl and two boys and she tells me all the time that boys are easier.

I have a dd and a ds so i guess as they grow up i will have first hand experience as to which one is the easier of the two. ds certainly doesn't need as much attention as dd does but that could be a personallity thing rather than a gender thing?

LilredWG that is very interesting tbh. DS1 is a very boisterous hyperactive toddler and I suppose I am guilty of thinking it is because he is a boy - but then again ime all the girl toddlers I have ever known haven't bene anything like DS1.

My mum always says my bro and my nephew were not like 'typical' boys at all and were both very placid toddlers who would sit and watch TV/play for hours....so DS1 has come as a bit of a shock to my mum and dad. Fortunately my other nephew, who is 18 months old, is following in DS1's footsteps so DS1 is no longer the 'different' one

People always tell me that it switches when they become teenagers and that girls are far harder work then - I guess the gender stereotypes continue right through life.

TBH DD is a good little girl although she is strong minded, stubborn and can be a right-royal-PITA, but I'm putting that down to character and age and never thought of putting it down to sex.

I just find it odd that my friend feels the need to stereotype her son at such a young age.

Mind you, this is the same friend who, when her youngest bit her, said, "I didn't think he would be a biter as he hasn't been to nursery, so I don't know where he learnt it".