When do you accept your child has different morals to you and start to support them in that?

[gigglinggoblin]

Have been wondering how to phrase a question because I know it will get tangled up in a load of rubbish as threads tend to on here so this is the long and short of it.

My morals tell me one thing. Ds is 8 and disagrees.

When do you support your child in doing stuff you feel is wrong? Its not illegal, wont get him in trouble with the police.

Well what kind of morals?

If you are talking about things like religion then I think you support him and let him explore his own route. I suppose in most things that aren't illegal you need to let your child explore their own beliefs and make their own decisions, regardless of age. I believe that teaching children to be free thinkers is important so unless it is something illegal, I would like to think I let them have their own opinions. Of course engage with their ideas and views and challenge them because it is important to get them thinking.

Of course, you may mention the particular moral ideas and I may be and change my tune.

It depends what you're talking about goblin. Ds is still a young child after all and instilling a moral code is an important part of parents job.

Depends on what it is.

you need to tell us more.

Does he want ketchup sandwiches for instance? DS asked for those as a special birthday treat. I think it's Wrong.

It isnt but it requires a lot of input from me which is the bit I dont want to do!

so what is it?

But as a basic rule of thumb, I think 8 is still a moldable character. And you still need to lead by example.

However, i will allow the ketchup sandwich as a one off.

agree with MrsJammi

Now - what's the actual issue (which is why we're all really posting on the thread as we're nosey buggers and don't care about who is right/wrong )

Its very dull but I knonw I will get a load of opinions about the thing itself and thats not what I was after, am taking notes!

well you've got your notes

Some think 8 is too young
Some think 8 is ok
Some think your house your rules
Some think you can bend the rule

Right - now what it's all about

wants to be a veggie?

all depends on what morals are in question. You'll need to give a couple of examples, goblin.

'militant vegetarianism'? What exactly is this and what's the problem? (Slightly bewildered veggie here.)

ditto animal rights - surely you want 8yos to know that it's wrong to cause animals to suffer? An 8yo is hardly going to nip down to the local lab to let all the rhesus monkeys out...

As a very general reply to your very general question, I'd say 8 is old enough for a child to have a different moral stand about something

I think I know what you mean gigglinggoblin.
If his morals are age appropriate then it may just be that the two of you are different personality types. Therefore you should be able to agree to disagree. It's not quite supporting him but it's not chastising him either.

Sorry goblin, didn't answer your OP, distracted by Apostrophe's post!

If what ds thinks crosses your own moral code, could you sit down and have a discussion with him about why that is?

Is this merely different points of view, or is ds planning to actually do something of which you disapprove? Will you be required to take part or lend support to something that makes you very uncomfortable?

Well I warned you it was dull...

Tiger is the closest but has it the wrong way round. I am veggie and have brought them up veggie. His dad (xp) is a git who has persuaded him veggie food is horrible so now he hardly eats and says he only wants meat. I know its not that he hates veggie food (for eg he had a massive rant the other day about how much he hated veggie hotdogs - he had just been with his dad. Today he requested them for lunch).

So I need to decide if I stick to my guns and dont let him eat meat in my house or if I buy him meat. Which means he will prob have to eat it cold as cooking it may make me vom.

Personally, I would let him go for it. There is no reason why he can't have a perfectly healthy diet as a vegetarian, also it is nice that he feels so strongly about something. It may also not last (I had a veggie moment age 12 and another age 17 none have lasted!).

Of course it may mean additional cooking for you which on a practical level, may make it difficult. But we have started eating more veggie food recently because it is really, really nice and as a bonus, it works out cheaper than buying meat and unless we buy expensive meat, we don't enjoy it anyway! At the moment we probably have chicken twice a week, chorizo twice a week, cold meats with a salad once a week and quorn or sosmix or some kind of other veggie dish twice a week.

What are your main concerns about it?

Well according to Kohlberg's theory of moral development in children he is too young. In the case in point I would let him meat as long you stay out of it (no cooking): so that he learns that his freedom must not impinge on your freedom.

wrong way round laza, I am veggie, he doesnt want to be