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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be irritated when one or two people out of a much larger group order a starter...

122 replies

wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 14:35

when the rest of the table don't. So we all have to wait longer to eat. I think this is rude, and perhaps just about acceptable when a group of adults are out for the evening and drinking/chatting. But not at lunchtime, and esp when the group includes two toddlers.

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 20/04/2009 14:36

If I'm out with people we always do a 'are we having starters' conversation.

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 14:36

You could ask for your mains to be brought at the same time as their starters.

TrillianAstra · 20/04/2009 14:37

"You could ask for your mains to be brought at the same time as their starters."

I think that might be weird (what do you do when they have their mains?), but you culd definitely have the children's food brought out straight away.

BocciBalls · 20/04/2009 14:37

also ask for children's food to be brought asap surely? you could be thought of as selfish if you were to deny someone who is greery hungry their starter I guess!

BocciBalls · 20/04/2009 14:38

greedy

MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 14:38

Weird? No law against it and it will stop ww having to hang around for her food and then complaining about it.

I would have expected them to think already about having the kids food brought out asap.

2rebecca · 20/04/2009 14:41

I prefer starters to puddings. I would feel it unfair if someone moaned if I had a starter because they didn't want one but then had a pudding.
I agree that in a group we often discuss starters or not, but also ask for childrens meals to be brought asap.

hifi · 20/04/2009 14:41

i would have thought as long as you are paying for it you can have what you want. yabu

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 14:41

I did almost but thought that was a bit pointed, muffin! This happened most lately at the weekend, everyone had ordered, but the last person decided they'd order a starter, even though the rest of us hadn't. I was very irritated. Irrationally so - prob as I was hungry, and didn't really want to sit there for hours as we were just having a quick bit of lunch. I did ask for the childrens' food to be brought as soon as possible.

But it irritates me generally, as while a couple of people sit there with two slivers of pate or a couple of mushrooms a la garlic, the rest of us are hungry! Am talking, about a cafe rouge type quick lunch/eve meal, not full on fine dining, when pretty much everyone goes for three or more courses.

OP posts:
MuffinBaker · 20/04/2009 14:43

Not pointed at all to order for the kids first.

They take so long the chances are they would still be eating when everyone else has had their starters and mains anyway.

MrsMerryHenry · 20/04/2009 14:44

ww, I think YABU because I am wondering why you just sat there steaming without taking action. Seems a bit pointless to get upset about it but do nothing. I think others on this thread have given you useful tips about what you could have done.

MintyyAeroEgg · 20/04/2009 14:44

I would always choose a starter over a pudding. Its not being "rude". It is their meal out too. Do people really have to put aside their desire for a starter just because there are toddlers in the group!?!? Good gracious.

squilly · 20/04/2009 14:44

YABU. If you're hungry, have a starter too.

Some people don't go out to eat very often, so they like to make the most of it. And as someone said earlier, you might be a starter person or a sweet person...your choice shouldn't be frowned upon by anyone.

Boy am I glad I don't go out with anyone who judges people on that kind of thing!

Simplysally · 20/04/2009 14:44

I thought this was going to be about splitting the bill equally when a couple of people have starters/pudding/drink alcohol and the rest of the party don't. I can see your point but equally if I fancied a starter, I'd be miffed if I felt under an obligation not to have one. I rarely eat pudding so I figure it all balances out at the other end of the meal as there's still people eating when I've stopped.

Can't you get the toddler meals to come out with the starters? Or get them to sit at another table .

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 14:46

that is what I thought, muffin. But I think when you are having a shared meal, it is consdierate to do more or less the same, just as you don't order fillet steak or lobster when everyone else is having a toasted sandwich or a set menu deal. It is about fitting in with everyone else. Obv not if it is an outing of the year, or whatever, but just a quick bite to eat to be sociable.

OP posts:
BigBellasBeerBelly · 20/04/2009 14:46

Ooooh...

I am a starter rather than pudding person too.

Have to tell you about one time I got soooo annoyed.

We all had the usual conversation about are we having starters or not and ascertained that someone else was so we ordered starters.

They came at the same time as the mains.

When we at the waiter, someone else said that someone down the other end of the table had said to bring them all at the same time!

I am still seething to this day. If we'd known we wouldn't have ordered the fucking things...

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 14:48

big bella, these food issues can really get you going, can't they! I was surprised at how irritated I was. It was with my IL's who are generally very good to us. If it was my dad I'd have said 'oh, don't, let's just eat & go because of the kids'.

OP posts:
ahfeckit · 20/04/2009 14:49

YABU. if people want to order a starter, just accept it. they are doing so for a reason..because they are hungry.
I wouldn't think twice about that, I'd just order one regardless of who else was having one at the table.
You can have the mains put out at the same time if it's an issue. Starters don't usually take very long to eat anyway, so you'd all be in sync soon enough with the main course.

PlumpRumpSoggyBaps · 20/04/2009 14:51

If it's just one person out of a group, I'd think it was a bit off, (and indeed often do feel this way as it's usually my DH that does it). But if it was more than one then I'd probably join in! Or at least have some bread or something.

But I nearly always ask for ds2's meal to be brought asap anyway

MrsMerryHenry · 20/04/2009 14:51

ww: "It is about fitting in with everyone else" - wtf?? Clearly you and I have different ideas about what eating out with friends is 'about'. You seem to think it's about everyone conforming to some kind of group average, while I think it's about enjoying each other's company and having a nice meal.

I understand you being irritated, but the fact that you did nothing about it means you have nobody to blame except yourself.

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 14:57

mrsmerry, should I have told my FIL to cancel his order? I found it irritating then and I generally do, but I'd never stop someone from ordering - it is just a question of considering others. And I don't think it very considerate, when you are just stopping for a quick bite, to start ordering the full works.

OP posts:
ahfeckit · 20/04/2009 14:58

mrsmerry, i agree here.

not sure what the fitting in bit is all about. i don't give a toss if someone isn't hungry for a starter. if it means I'm the only one at the table ordering one then i'm not bothered. we're all there to have a good time, it doesn't matter what courses everyone is having. that's by-the-by as far as I'm concerned. talking is more important!

Thunderduck · 20/04/2009 14:59

YABU.

And I'm another person who would rather have a starter than a pudding.

Original poster
wonderingwondering · 20/04/2009 15:04

But when no-one else is? And you've just popped in for a quick lunch? The starter meant we all had to wait 45 mins for our lunch. I think that is quite inconsiderate. Different if you are 'out for a meal' as a social thing, but just a quick bit of lunch together when shopping?

OP posts:
ahfeckit · 20/04/2009 15:06

the thing is, some people's idea of 'lunch' is different from your idea of 'lunch'. I think that's really the crux of it.