to be irritated when one or two people out of a much larger group order a starter...

[wonderingwondering]

when the rest of the table don't. So we all have to wait longer to eat. I think this is rude, and perhaps just about acceptable when a group of adults are out for the evening and drinking/chatting. But not at lunchtime, and esp when the group includes two toddlers.

hear hear realityismyonlydelusion well said

PMSL at Reality! Though if I were hard up (which I am) I'd be likely to order a cheap meal and not want to split the bill equally. Would that deny me the pleasure of your company at the table?

that's what going out for a meal is all about, catching up with folk, eating is just a part of the experience.

tbh, if you know that there's a couple of people in the group who are going to be 'awkward' and hold things up, then try and avoid going out with them for lunch..OR leave as early as you can (so you're sitting down at a table to order at, say, 11.30, then you will definately make sure you have plenty free time in the afternoon to run errands). it's all about being organised.

Funny Reality, that's exactly what I've just said to someone else on another thread about bill splitting!!

I will be hilarious at your table - but in the right measure so that everyone gets to talk as well. I am clearly the perfect guest.

let's eat here next time - the best restaurant I've ever been to. Amazing food, too!

I didn't 'make an issue' at the meal, I asked a question on an anonymous internet forum to see if anyone else shared my view that being the only one out of ten to order a course was odd. Obviously people think not. I wouldn't do it. Each to their own.

I may exaggerate a bit for effect, and to prompt a response, but to make assertions as to my character seems a bit of a peculiar response!

Am now off for a nice, non-confrontational walk in the sunshine!

Have nothing to add as I am agog at the idea that so many of you view Cafe Rouge as 'quick'.

I have NEVER EVER had such bad / slow / hapahazard service as in two separate Cafe Rouges which are close to where I live. More than once, in each case. Starters and Mains brought in random order, you have to resort to mr Bean type clowining antics to attract a waiter, ages between courses, wrong things brought, some items forgotten, they don't bring the bill.....awful.

(West Dulwich and Abbeville rd)

Nope Blu, mine is uber quick.

Out of interest, if it wasn't Cafe Rouge then where was it? Just wondered if it was another chain or an independent place.

I am the same as Blu - food is always nice at our Caafe Rouge, but the service is always abysmal, really slow and inept. Always have to ask someone for cutlery or a menu, or the food comes out wrong. The waiters are generally a bit dim, bless them.

My Cafe Rouge is in Cheltenham, it is a lovely building with a beautiful sunny balcony over looking the Promanade, that's why I go there!

I went to a cafe Rouge in Henly and they took so long to bring our breakfast order I muttered to my DH that by the time it reached us it was farking brunch. And DD (age 4)dutifully repeated that to the waitress.

I didn't realise those 'what are you having' conversations had a hidden agenda! I thought it was just small talk. It would never occur to me that I should order something I didn't like or order more or less food than I wanted simply in order to fit in.

It all seems very odd. If my partner told me what I could or could not eat in a restaurant I would be really annoyed.

another thing you can do if you are eating out and the service is taking far too long (as in 45 mins) is just walk out and go somewhere else. you are within your rights to do this.

last month I went to a restaurant with friends and waited an incredible ONE hour for a pizza! we decided 'stuff this' and left (paid for our drinks but that was all).

Ah - the "are you having a starter" conversations always happen when I go out - and if it's a quick lunch and only one wants one then they usually don't bother as it means everyone else sits there waiting...

Just a norm with each social group I suppose, it's not uncommon.

I take a great interest because I always want a starter...

I'm on OP's side.

One out of 11 people having a starter? That is odd imo. Especially at a quick lunch.

As for these relaxed and fun 'bill splitters', how relaxed are you really at having to pay for other people's meals, their kids etc?

I don't drink wine but I have learned to accept that my meal will always cost roughly double what I actually ate, as everybody else had wine and this doubles the bill.

I must admit, if there was a polite way to just pay for what you had I'd take it. And perhaps the devil may care types might think twice about having three courses/ side orders/ pricey drinks etc if they weren't being subsidised.

I can't think of any other circumstance when friends are expected to pay for each other ('My groceries cost £50 this week, would you mind paying half of it?' 'Of course, I'm a relaxed friend and I'm not tight') so why does it apply in restaurants.

I suppose that if I need to do a "quick" lunch I don;t take DC's with me (nothing DS does at dinner table is quick). Alterantively I resent paying for a rushed meal unless its a sandwich in a cafe.

In my impoverished state, lunch out is ALWAYS to be enjoyed not rushed through.

Argh, just wrote long post and it's disappeared!

In brief: YANBU. Your usually lovely FIL was having a socially inept moment. If 10 people aren't startering, don't be annoying: if it's all about enjoying one another's company etc, then how can a lone starterer do that knowing they're keeping everyone waiting? I always want a starter too, but I'd give it up in this situation.

I've always found Cafe Rouge slow too!

The 'are we having starters' conversation's the way to go.

Finally, OP, not it's not a "problem with you" or a deep rooted character flaw - you're just hungry!

Morris Zapp: hear, hear!

I must admit to getting a bit fed up when FIL insists on a starter at lunch time/ dinner but then will not help with keeping the kids entertained. DD 18 mnths will only sit for 45 mins absolute max after that she is hard work. His stomach is more important than other people's discomfort tho. I would probably be pissed off OP but only if I was the one having to entertain the kids.

I'm back (and badder than ever..) Thanks eighties, I guess that's where I am really. I think it was a bit of a strange thing to do, if anything, which is why I didn't say anything (but thought I'd come on here and gauge the view).

But the existence of the 'are we having starters' conversation kind of makes my point - that people do take into account what the rest of the table are doing.

And service was v v slow, but walking out isn't always an option as the children are usually desperate for lunch, and the odds are the going elsewhere will take longer overall.

'Entertain the kids'? This gets my goat too I'm afraid - I speak as a childless auntie!

Why do so many parents think that as soon as there are other people in the room, it's their job to entertain the kids?

You bring the kids - you pay for the kids, you entertain the kids. I love my family and I love playing with them and entertaining them, but it annoys me when this is taken for granted, and my meal is spent entertaining kids and making them behave when their parents enjoy a leisurely lunch and adult convo at the other end of the table.

Yes, I'm great with kids. No, I'm not a free nanny. I love them dearly but I'd like to enjoy my meal too.