to be irritated when one or two people out of a much larger group order a starter...

[wonderingwondering]

when the rest of the table don't. So we all have to wait longer to eat. I think this is rude, and perhaps just about acceptable when a group of adults are out for the evening and drinking/chatting. But not at lunchtime, and esp when the group includes two toddlers.

here is another pov

If no-one else is then I wouldn't, but would expect other people at the table to say to me if I did order one "do you really need a starter as the rest of us aren't having one and I'd prefer a quick meal and am hungry." I think group meals can be a hassle if you all have different expectations.

and yes yabu
just ask them to bring the toddlers' food at the same time as the starters

ww, loads of people on this thread have suggested here that you could ask for your food to be brought at the same time. That's what I mean. If you had to wait 45 mins for your lunch that's not your FIL's fault, it's the restaurant's fault - and again why didn't you ask the waiters to hurry the children's food once you found yourselves waiting? You're beginning to sound rather passive aggressive.

ahfeckit, it wasn't that one person didn't want starter, but of eleven people, only the last person to order had a starter.

So the other ten people, including a chap who is diabetic, had to wait. Which I thought was off, and it extended lunch by a good half an hour. I think it is good manners to fall in with everyone else. It is, in my view, on a par with being avoidably late - inconsiderate to other people, and indicative that your own comfort is more important than that of other (ten others, in this case).

Not passive aggressive, just explaining. I did get the children's food brought out.

And I don't mean to demonise poor old FIL. But my starting point is that I wouldn't do it as I think it is inconsiderate. But obviously that's not the common view!

ww you're in a serious minority here. Next time why don't you try doing things differently from how you would normally (i.e. stop whining and do something about it) and see whether that works better.

Sorry, I know that's a bit in your face but you do sound whiny and passive-agg; this really isn't a huge issue; and you should take responsibility for your own actions (or lack of action).

You cant go to lunch with a bunch of people and expect them to 'do as you do', they may think you are the one being arkward(or tight) by not ordering a starter

Just order a starter if your hungry and dont want to wait

Frankly there are more important things to get het up about imo

The passive-agg bit relates to how you behaved in relation to Startergate: i.e. getting annoyed (perhaps huffing and puffing at the table?), whining about it later (to us lot ), and refusing to take responsibility for your part in the matter.

I've always found Cafe Rouge quite quick. What did it add to your meal experience - 15 minutes?

How old are your DC? Should you be eating out with them at all if something so petty small makes you so angry?

45 minutes?

Really

It took 45 minutes for the starters to be brought and eaten?

YABU. Never heard of it being bad manners if some order a starter and others don't before. It's never been an issue when I've been out with others anyway. Don't see it as being selfish or anything like that. It's up to the individual how much they eat.

I like the character assessment on the basis of a few posts!

Perhaps the crux of the matter is as nametaken said on the other thread - 'I hate people who have starters, thus making me wait for food.'

But it happens all the time, and I do think it is something I wouldn't do. But I wouldn't dream of stopping anyone else (other than my own parents or DP). Other than taking steps to ensure the children (and so everyone else in the cafe) are happy, I think that would be very rude indeed.

But I wondered if it is a common view, hence the posting on an internet chat room rather than the 'direct action at the table' approach.

You hate people who make you wait for youe food, but you think it's ok to prevent people (your parents and DP) from enjoying their own food.

Is that right?

Well normally I'd agree with everyone else but I do think it a bit strange that if the 10 people before you just order main at a quick lunchtime stop, you (the last person) then asks for a starter without specifying it to come with the mains.

I do think it a little anti-social of your FIL but I think YABU because as he is your FIL you should have said something at the time.

I like 'startergate'!

Yes, I did I am afraid, huff inwardly (ish). But obv I was being unreasonable, I do get a bit short-tempered before lunch.

Chequers, it wasn't cafe rouge, but similar, and it was very very slow, so it was 45 mins. But that obviously was exceptional.

I don't think it would be rude to point out to 1 person in 10 who orders a starter that no-one else is ordering a starter and it will delay everyone's food. Toddlers do get bored at restaurants.

As someone has always said, I'd be cross with the slow service, starters in places like that generally are pretty quick and your FIL probably expected it to be faster.

I think your anger sounds a bit misplaced.

chequers, it is not stopping people enjoying their food, but with two young children we had (and quite often do have) a limited period of time between food and having to leave for home in which to get our shopping done, so in those circs, yes, I would stop DP ordering a lunch that would take 2 hours to get through, as ours did.

I still wouldn't expect a lunch in somewhere like Cafe Rouge to take two hours just because someone had ordered a starter - it sounds like your problem was mainly with with the service.

Do you normally get on with your FIL?

2rebecca, in balancing which is ruder, ordering without considering time/toddlers/others etc and stopping someone after the waiter has taken the order, I'd think the latter was ruder - sort of publicly pointing out to someone that 'I don't think you've been very considerate'. If there was a discussion beforehand I'd have said.

Not a major issue! But I wondered what the consensus is. Ordering an extra course when others aren't, is, I think, not that considerate. But clearly not everyone agrees...

chequrs, already said I don't want to demonise FIL, he's great. It was more the principle - I think it is a bit inconsiderate, and wouldn't do it. But others do.

I wouldn't say it was rude.
I wonder why no one else ordered a starter?

mrs ruff, it was just a quick bit of lunch, not a family get-together.

ww... at the risk of sounding like a pop psychologist, when you say: "I do get a bit short-tempered before lunch", in the context of this conversation that does sound a bit like an excuse that someone would make when they don't want to face up to something about themselves.

From what you have said so far on this thread it sounds like the problem is with you. Sorry to be so harsh, but that's coming across as clear as day here - everyone else can see it but you appear not to want to.