to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

Your 8yo dd is not old enough to judge dangers and assess situations. The part of the brain that controls those senses isn't fully developed until adulthood. That is why most teenagers are dickheads.

Expecting children to have the same senses and judgements as adults astounds me.

It is an excuse for the lazy effers who can't be bothered.

Gmarks... those senses only develop as a result of being exposed in gradually increasing doses to different situations. They don't suddenly appear aged 17 overnight, or over the course of a few months. Never allowed independence or never having to judge a situation measn they will never develop that sense of judgement needed to be safe.

and the beauty of giving 9 or 10 year olds a bit of independence is at that age you can give them a little and monitor it. Waiting till they're 16 means they'll suddetnly rebel, or start doing things behind your back, and you won't be able to monitor how well they did in a given situation and what they need to work on or develop, so start young while you have some control!

I totally accept that other people have the right to make their own decisions about how to parent. I am happy to let my sensible 9 year old go to the cinema with her friends if we pick up and drop off afterwards. My 11 year old is even allowed to walk a mile into town with a friend, go to the cinema and come home alone afterward.
That is me being responsible and giving them carefully calibrated amounts of independence.
It does not mean that I or any of the other pparents on here who after careful consideration allowtheir children some freedom of action are 'lazy effers who can't be bothered'.
Anymore than those of you who don't are neurotic mollycoddlers who are damaging your cchildren by overprotecting them.

wow charming I assure you I am not a lazy effer who cannot be bothered - but someone who cares very much about her childrens physical and emotional developement !
If you ask me its you lot who follow your children around smothering them with cotton wool who are the lazy, selfish ones, and on that note I am off ....I note that it is only the stupidly overprotective ones who have been nasty and personally insulting while the rest of us who allow our children some independance have tried to explain why!

FWIW you dont know my DD1, she is more than capable of judging danger and making a decision but maybe thats because I actually LET her!!

Hell I'd better start going on the bus with my dd to school then...after I've walked my 16 yr old to 6th form college.

I'll be sure to let said 16 yr old know that he's a "dickhead" too !!!!!!

It is an excuse for the lazy effers who can't be bothered.

How rude.

"Expecting children to have the same senses and judgements as adults astounds me."

I don't. That's why I let them do safe things like going to the cinema or going to the shops so that they can learn indebendence in a controlled environment, rather than sending them to London on the last train in the evening and expecting them to find themslves a hotel for the night.

I object very strongly to the "lazy effer" comment, and I think it should be withdrawn.

Why does it have to be one extreme or the other? I don't smother my child and follow her everywhere. I give her small amounts of independence and will increase it continually. She will not be thrown out at 17 and told to cope. That is ridiculous.

Two hours or more in a cinema is a long time for an 8 to 10 year old. There are lots of things that can happen - power cuts - friend gets sick etc - and they don't all stay nice and calm and work things out in a step by step process. What then? Accidents are just that. They are not planned.

Macdoodle just as charming as the posters who "pmsl" at my parenting decisions. I don't care how mature your dd1 is but unless she is a remarkable scientific specimen her brain has not yet fully developed reasoning and judgement senses. She will still come across situations that will intimidate her.

My dd is very mature for her age and so are her friends. But I don't expect them to make adult judgements.

PG only means that an adult should check out a film before letting a child watch it. 12A is the one where you have to have an adult with you.

The OP is right, it would be nice to know in advance, but I'm firmly in the 'old enough to be trusted' camp. Kids aren't given enough freedom and trust these days, how will they ever grow up?

And yes, DD has a mobile too - we've still got Middle Schools here and she has to walk a fair distance to catch the school bus, it's invaluable for when something happens/the bus is late/I need to tell her to get off at a different stop.

An adult judgement like going to the lady at the ticked desk and saying "Please help"

You haven't withdrawn "lazy effer"

How very dare you assume that my child is anything but a perfect scientific specimen - I would put forward that I am best placed to assess her maturity and judgement skills!!

And a gentle ribbing on AIBU board along the lines of PMSL and LOLing is hardly along the lines of calling aother parents lazy effers because you diagree with their point of view!!

You need to learn some netiquette and common politeness is my guess!!

lol @ not allowing child to go to the cinema in case there is a power cut... Surely part of your job as a parent is to teach your child how to deal with situations like that? To teach them that if they need anything to go to someone who works there and ask for help?

Honestly - when was the last time you heard of a child being injured etc when out with friends at the cinema? AND when this wouldn't have happened if the parents were present??

I wouldn't expect a 10 year old to make adult judgements - but how many adult judgements do you need to make during a film at the cinema???

Seeker perhaps you should have a look on the net and check out the number of incidents with young dc in shopping centres. I am not just talking about paedophiles before we jump that bandwagon again. I would hardly call it a "safe" environment.

SerendipitousHarlot - no ruder than "pmsl at bakery". That was personally insulting.

kiddiz you might not have to let your 16yo know he is a dickhead. I said most. Yes - teenagers and young adolescents make really silly decisons and act like 'dickheads" at times. That is part of growing up. I made plenty of them myself.

I will not withdraw my comment. Those of us who don't put our kids out there on their own yet are seen as smothering and mollycoddling. I see those pushing 8 and 10 yo's out there as lazy parents who find the effort all too tiring and want spare time to themselves.

Each to their own.

Trust me darling, ferrying my elder daughter to and fro from one place to the next, watching her out the window, checking where she is, talking to her about what to do and when to do it, as a single parent with a younger baby, is far far harder than if I just made her stay in the house or glued to my side 24/7!
So IMO you are the lazy effer !

I do teach my child what to do in certain situations. It does not mean she might not panic. Have you NEVER been in a situation where you are not quite sure what to do?

I am an adult and am hopeless in some situations. I was given plenty of independence from an early age. It is just in my nature.

It is not about being injured. It is about a situation arising and a young child not having the capabilities of dealing with it. 8 and 10 yo is still young imo.

Seriously then. Would you allow your 11 yr old to go to school on the normal service bus (not a school bus) which takes her to the next town centre and is followed by a 15 minute walk through town to school and the same in reverse at the end of the day or would you go with them? Assuming that going by car is not an option as it isn't for me. The potential for danger is greater than being dropped at a cinema and picked up afterwards imo.

Bloody hell I posted without reading the rest of the thread - how DARE anyone say I'm lazy by TEACHING my DCs to be independent - my job as a parent is to bring them up to be ADULTS, capable of living their own lives. If anyone can show that can be done by living their lives for them, I'll admit I'm wrong and apologise (to my DCs that is). SPARE TIME TO MYSELF?? I effing wish!!!

There are the extreme statements again.

I don't watch my dd 24/7. She is 10. She is given independence appropriate to her age and where we live. She plays outside on her own, walks to school with friends sometimes, stays home alone for short periods if I am within a 20 min drive. I think a trip to the cinema on her own is unsuitable. It is the waiting to go in and waiting outside I have the issue with.

I have younger dc too. It is bloody exhausting taking them places and arranging things. You aren't on your own their love.

I think 8 and 10yo have plenty of time left for you to teach them independence and how to be capable adults. They don't need a crash course before they reach puberty.

I remember getting separated from my mum and older sister in Selfridges when I was 4. I had no idea where they were. Now, Selfridges is a pretty intimidating place for adult shoppers who have never been there, let alone a four year old who was only visiting the country on holiday.

Given that my mum had already explained what to do if we ever found ourselves separated, I made my way over to the perfume counter (yes, I admit I thought why not go where the pretty ladies are who might give me a shot or two of grown-up perfume ), identified a lady that worked there (by virtue of her mode of dress and name-tag) and told her I was lost and needed to find my mum and sister, promptly followed by my name, their names and our address. My mum also made my sister and I carry our address written down on a sheet of paper and placed in our trouser pockets which I gave to the lady. 10 minutes later, I was reunited with my mum and sister no worse for wear, together with a sneaky couple of samples I had blagged from the lady I approached and waited with (who can resist the smiles of a 4yo? ).

If I could do this at 4 years old, I somehow think that an 8 year old would have an inkling of what to do in an emergency at the cinema, be that a fire or power-cut - approach someone who works there and ask for help (which is what most other adults would do). Simple really. It is not expecting them to act/think like adults but to possess some common sense with your prior/ongoing guidance.

Ha! 'lazy parents'!

This was exactly the sort of thing I was whinging about in my AIBU thread. It is not lazy in the slightest.

ah, I see it,orm. Will reply. Hang on

'Your 8yo dd is not old enough to judge dangers and assess situations. The part of the brain that controls those senses isn't fully developed until adulthood. That is why most teenagers are dickheads.'

All the more reason to discuss these matters and allow some independence. A 16 yr old may well be a 'dickhead' but even so you have to let them go to town etc on their own-they are after all old enough to join the army and get married!!
Teenagers brains may be wired differently from an adult, but I find mine quite sensible. You just have to train them with a few guidelines-start young. If you treat them like infants at 9yrs you will get an infant at 14yrs.
DCs do have a certain amount of common sense as in Asana at 4 yrs old. My DS was quite shy and clingy at 5, but when he lost me in a large shop in London he didn't panic, he told a member of staff he was lost and a call went out for me to meet him, we were reunited in less than 3 minutes!
I have never, in all the times I have been to a cinema had a power cut. It wouldn't be a disaster anyway-they only have to find a member of staff to help.
I would send a 5 yr old into a bakers on his own while a waited outside-I would have wanted to progress a bit by 9yrs.
I refuse to bring mine up to think that the world is such a bad place that they are only safe if mummy is with them. I was a bit remiss in not offering protection from aliens!!

SerendipitousHarlot - no ruder than "pmsl at bakery". That was personally insulting.

I didn't write that though, did I? And I'm one of the 'lazy effers' that allow my dd some independence at 11 years old.

You are right though. After my 40 hour week, I can't wait to get rid of my kids - the more danger the better