to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

'how DARE anyone say I'm lazy by TEACHING my DCs to be independent - my job as a parent is to bring them up to be ADULTS, capable of living their own lives. If anyone can show that can be done by living their lives for them, I'll admit I'm wrong and apologise (to my DCs that is).'

I agree. I am glad that my mother didn't smother me- I thought she was over protective at the time, but I see now (after reading some of these posts)that I was mistaken!
I think that some of you are in for a big rebellion when they get a bit older. I can't imagine the embarrassment of my mother accompanying me to the school bus, or meeting me from the school bus-I would have wanted the ground to swallow me up!

What concerns me is that there will not be a big rebellion; they will just grow up to be fearful adults who have difficulties when meeting new challenges and have a warped perception of how dangerous society is.

Gmarksthespot - so being amused at something you said is personally insulting, but calling everybody who doesn't agree with you "lazy effers" isn't? I certainly feel personally insulted - don't know about anyone else!

'Seeker perhaps you should have a look on the net and check out the number of incidents with young dc in shopping centres. I am not just talking about paedophiles before we jump that bandwagon again. I would hardly call it a "safe" environment."

I have no idea what you are talking about - apart from possibly buying too many hideous pink objects from Claire's.

But we aren't talking about 8 year olds being allowed to roam the shopping center in a feral mob. We are talking about 3 9 year olds being dropped off at a cinema, going in to watch an age appropriate film then being picked up afterwards. For the LIFE of me I can't imagine a scenario where they would have come to harm.

There's another issue for me in encouraging gradual independence - that as well as breeding self-confidence, I hope that it will mean I don't have teenage sons who expect someone else to be responsible for ferrying them around everywhere! (and maybe expect someone else to be paying for everything too - they will be encouraged to have Saturday job !)

It's not laziness to want to have your own life as well.

I absolutely reject the idea that there are more dangers out there than there were when we were children, but I also know that it's a constant battle not to get sucked into the fear that surrounds us all.

PMSL at 'buying too many hideous pink objects from Claire's' - I'd have thought the biggest danger in a cinema is a popcorn overload if 'twas not for the expense!

I expect that you are right MillyR -which is probably worse. My DS is going to the other side of the world, by himself at the end of the week-obviously he is an adult - but he is confident to go to a youth hostel, ON HIS OWN and travel around ON HIS OWN, because he was trusted to be dropped off at a cinema for a couple of hours when he was young. He gradually built up the things he could do and now he can go anywhere. Something may go wrong-it is a risk. He would rather take it than miss the opportunity 'in case' it goes wrong.

we take risks everyday. we calculate those risks.

we play the odds with everything.

i would probably go through a mental process working out what the likleyhood of something going wrong

but

nowhere in that process would i think - oooh its likley theres going to be a powercut - it just wouldnt occur to me.

i can honestly say in my 36 years my children and i have never encountered a power cut in a public place.

our whole purpose as parents is to integrate our offspring into society successfully. THAT is the whole point of parenting.

so like poster who was lost in selfridges eluded to - we give our children cues and instructions.

if they didn't have a phone on them as per the op - and one of them got sick, then they would know to ask a member of staff to phone home.

The risk of a DC being assaulted in a fast food restaurant is very, very slight. The risk of a DC being injured in a road accident is quite high and yet people still take their DCs in a car.

This is one of my "beating my head against a brick wall" topics. There are people who just won't believe, however much evidence you present that their children are NOT at risk of abduction or murder. So their lives are curtailed and inward looking and they are taught that the world is a threatening place and that other people are to be viewed with suspicion. I think it's incredibly sad, and makes me very concerned for the future of our society.

That's because you're a lazy effer, seeker

I know. I send my children to clear mine fields so that I have time to agonize over the state of the world......!

seeker Me too!
I was just composing in my head a long rant involving people's lack of understanding of statistical probabilities, and the role of the media in continually mis-representing the truth about certain issues.

But I won't bother now ......

We went camping with my sil once. She wouldn't let her 8 and 11 year olds go to the loo on a family campsite on their own "too risky", but happily sat on the beach with her back to the sea while they played in huge waves on a beach with a notorious undertow-and the 8 year old couldn't swim!

seeker yes, because everyone know there is literally one paedophile lurking in every single public toilet at any given moment !

I did also chortle at the Bakery line! My 3yo could be trusted to go into a shop, ask for something and pay. Its hardly pushing the boundries of independent living is it!
Obviously I am a super lazy effor if my dd1 can do that at 3 LOL Perhaps at 12 I will send her backpacking with friends and she can drive herself where ever
Oh and the children being unable to use judgement at 8 and 9 is complete rubbish. At 8 normal developing children should be able to judge speed and distance as well as most adults. If they have been given what if scenarios and practice them, there is very little issue with giving independence.
IME its people who haven't had freedom before teenagerhood that tend to be stupid when they are allowed out, getting into trouble, taking drugs, smoking.
When I was 8yo we used to take a picnic and spend the day playing at stream jumping, in fields and would walk with friends across the fields (3 miles) to the swimming baths and back. We were gone until tea time! We all ended up with good common sense. On one occasion our friend fell off a rope swing and had an open fracture of his wrist, so we went for help to the local farm house.
Now you could say 'well it wouldn't have happened if mum was there' but the truth is he could have fallen down steps off a slide and done the same thing, or landed awkwardly on a trampoline etc.
I thoroughly have great memories of school holidays because of these things we did.

dillydaydreamer Exactly!

At 8 I used to cycle round to my friends house (3 roads away), cycle down to the seafront, catch crabs, ride a horse that belonged to someone down her road etc etc

how DARE you say we are overprotective and not teaching our child anything is just as rude not nice to be judged is it

I still want to know about all these 'incidents with young dc in shopping centres' that are happening all the time.
What are they exactly? And will tinfoil help?

hayley I am aware I have been flippant, but I am certainly not wishing to judge. I understand that we are all subject to a lot of pressure to be fearful about the world out there and our childrens safety. I just happen to think that it is not reasonable, and can be harmful to be too protective.

Hayley, you asked if I worried when my DC go camping. Of course I worry. I'm a mum - worrying goes with the territory. But no, I don't lie awake, worried sick. I worry that he's too cold or too hungry or lost somehere. But he's been at scouts for years so he knows how to camp and how to use a compass and how to find clean drinking water.

He's doing his Duke of Edinburgh award soon, and I'll be so proud of him when he achieves it. And I can see that he's got loads more self confidence than boys of a similar age who haven't been allowed the freedom that he has.

I am very thankful for the Scouts-they are an organisation that give life skills. My DS went camping on Dartmoor at 15yrs with just a small group. They had check in points, and adults in overall control, but they were on their own. They had to walk,route find, pitch their own tents and cook their own meal-all with no leaders with them (contactable in emergency). It is the sort of thing that young people need more opportunities for IMO. He started with cub camps at 8 yrs-(obviously full leadership there).

Glencora - only when teamed with Kevlar.

I think, on balance, being called overprotective is less offensive than being called a lazy effer......

not responsable that makes me chuckle

And hayley, I will continue to say you are overprotective for walking your 12 year old to the bus and picking him up. I'm not judging - I am stating a fact. 12 year olds can walk to and from the bus stop on their own. And they should not have to ring their mums every morning to say that they've got to school safely. Of COURSE they've got to school safely - what could possibly have happened to them????

i think its time to agree to disagree and keep my thoughts to myslef, and to carry on the posting to the op who done the thread