to think that age 9 is too young to go the cinema in the evening without an adult ....?

[dicksbird]

Just collected DD from a sleepover. She is 9 but friend she stayed with is 10 and another girl also sleeping over is just 10. They are all in year 5.

I knew there was some mention that a cinema trip may be involved but I wasnt specifically told beforehand.

Now I find out they were dropped outside the cinema at 6.30pm amd picked up at 8.30 from outside. None of them had a mobile phone !!

Mumsney jury what do you think ??? Am i just being silly ???

Is Pinklace Hayley?

I rather think she is.

It depends on the child. If they are a rebel,they could all leave the cinema and go on a drug smoking, alchol drinking rampage...

But most 9 year olds just wanna go to the movies! I dont think personally i would just drop my 9 year old (if i had one, mine are only 2 and 0) off somewhere in a public place and bugger off for 2 hours. Id go with them if they wanted to go.

So no YANBU. What if something happened to them? The newspaper would be all over it and accusing the parents of being irresponsible etc

I don't suppose there's any point in saying that my DSis and I used to go to the matinee on our own, aged approximately 6 and 4? And we walked there and back (a mile or so), on our own? Granted, there was a lot less traffic about 40 years ago, but the other children were just as animalistic then as they are now - you had a choice of sitting downstairs away from the hooligans and getting pelted by them (sweets, small coins, buttons, whatever came to hand really) or sitting in amongst them and hoping they didn't notice you. We survived. The only adults in the place were usually the usherettes who came round with juice and ice cream in the interval - they were scarey, mind...

'As I have said to the point of tedium, I have known in my life one child and one adult killed in riding accidents. No one would suggest that I was an irresponsible parent for letting my child ride. After much asking the worst thing that appears to have happened to anyone at the cinema was to be hit by a flying shoe. Not pleasant, I agree, but hardly a traumatizing experience!"

I was also very badly injured myself falling from a horse at about 8.

PLEASE will someone in the "never in a million years" camp address this point.

I agree seeker, and I'd appreciate it if you could address my point.

I think that pinklace is hayley-or very similar views.
I don't know if it was me that you were accusing of lying, pinklace, but there was no lie involved-I had sweets in my bag.

I have also been to parenting classes, it was a while ago, but it was all about letting your DC take responsibility and giving them appropriate independence. I get the impression that you haven't been to any classes,pinklace?

I am glad that AliceMumma also realises the power of the press. Incidents are very isolated and they are reported they are news. It isn't news to say how many hundreds of DCs used a McDonalds toilet, on their own, yesterday without incident.

If a cinema had a power cut and the staff refused to let unaccompanied 9 yr olds use a phone to contact parents and wait inside it would be in the press-'3 terrified young girls had to wait outside for an hour and a half because hard hearted cinema staff refused to let them contact parents', followed by quotes from the girls and pictures. Of course the cinema would help! Our local paper had a story last week of a boy who wasn't allowed on the bus because his bus fare was short-a kind hearted passenger paid the rest for him. It was in the paper because it is rare. I imagine the driver who wanted to leave him to walk was in trouble and won't do it again.

I agree with you seeker. I have known an 11yr old killed in an accident with a horse and I have read of others. I have never read of any child killed or injured in the cinema and yet people let their DC ride but not go to the cinema.
The most dangerous thing any DC does is get in a car and yet they do it everyday.

I think that anyone would agree, reach4thesky,that in your case you would be mad to leave a DC-I am not sure that I would risk it myself! In comparison I don't think you would have a problem with my local cinema. It depends on the DC and the area.

Cheers pisces!

Am feeling rather tearful this morning. Standing by the side of the road outside school waiting to cross with my 3 kids, holding 2 of them by the hand and my 7 year old suddenly darts into the road with no warning (haing seen a friend on the other side). A taxi narrowly avoids hitting her and the driver winds down the windows and screams at me "you need to learn to control your kids - its you not them" in front of all the other mothers. I am so fed up with others making snap judgements like this.

Oh you poor thing, Reach. I know how you feel. After two very sensible DDs who would never do anything like that I have DD3, who is almost seven and has no sense of danger and has several times terrified me by running across a road without looking.
After the last incident I threatened her that if she ever did it again she would be walking to school with reins on. And I mean it.

Thanks Elinor, it was completely out of character for her. Just incredibly upsetting to watch your child narrowly avoid a horrid accident and then be blamed for it in such a nasty and humiliating way.

I think that is too young to go to cinema alone, particularly at night. At the very least you should have been told that this was the plan. If we have other people's children round I never let them go out unless I have asked their parents if it is ok.

"I agree seeker, and I'd appreciate it if you could address my point."

Agree with what? That I'm irresponsible for letting my dd take part in an activity where people die or are seriously injured in a regular basis?

And address which point? That someone was threatened 20 yards away from the cinema? But they weren't goingt o be 20 yeards away from the cinema, were they? They were going to be IN the cinema - dropped off by parents and picked up afterwards.

No, I agree that nobody would say you are an irresponsible parent for letting your child ride.

My point, which I would like you to address, is that in my case (and no doubt many others) the decision to not let my 9 year old go to an evening cinema showing unaccompanied by an adult is based on a realistic evaluation of the relevant risks rather than some sort of hysterical one-in-a- million scenario. I live in a area where muggings/ gang violence and low level threatening behaviour amongst teenagers in particular is a frequent occurrence. As I said, I have personally witnessed 5/6 ugly confrontations at our cinema over the last few years. My children have been threatened on occassions when playing in the square directly in front of our house. We generally leave our car unlocked overnight (and empty of valuables) to prevent the windows being smashed.

I don't understand why you seem to feel the need to belittle people who in many cases are simply being sensible in wanting to avoid their young children being exposed to a frightening experience. Also confused as to why you think that someone who is threatening another person 20 yards from a cinema is unlikely to the same inside the cinema.

seeker you are like stuck record!!!

R4S

If someone lived in an area like that, and posted a thread about a cinema trip, I would think it was very strange indeed. No child in Britain should have to grow up in an environment like the one that you are describing; it is a complete scandal.

But if the OP is living in such an area, it is the whole area that she should be worrying about and posting about. A trip to the cinema is irrelevant in the context of all the wider dangers. The real worry is the dangers that 9 year old will face in school. My DS will go to secondary next year, and I would not send him if he was going to have to deal with violence, muggings and harassment from other pupils in schools, which as far as I understand it, is what happens in the kind of areas you are describing. The cinema is an irrelevance if those kind of children form your child's peer group. I don't know how I would bring a child up in that situation, or how children in these areas can have an ideal childhood however hard the parents try; it is a tragedy.

I think what people are responding to in this thread is the fear of freak accidents and perverts, which seems to be out of proportion to the risks involved.

Yes it is a tragedy, but really not an uncommon description of a number of inner- city deprived boroughs.

We are leaving for the country as I would rather chew my arm off than send any of my kids to the local secondary schools.

My point is that refusing to let a 9 year old is not some sort of hysterical abduction-fear, rather a realistic assessment of the risks.

I object to this on the same grounds I object to grown up fashions, make up, disco parties etc for little kids.NOTHING TO LOOK FORWARD TO!!!!

quite NH. I made that point earlier. At 12 they will want to be out raving!!

Fortunately we live in a big city but my DC's are at a private school and tend to be protected.

Waits to be flamed...........

I think there's a lot of things to look forward to in adult life that it would be impossible for a child to participate in. There is nothing particular adult about the cinema. You wouldn't refuse to take a child on holiday because it should be left to look forward to.

Lots of unexpected things happen in life with a far greater frequency than cinema risks in a safe area; children and teenagers become ill and die, or they become disabled and there are things they cannot do anymore, or they develop a mental health problem, or any number of other things.

Childhood should be as full and enjoyable as possible; it shouldn't be curtailed under the idea that it is some holding pen for an adult life that will somehow be better. I would be concerned about any 9 year old that was looking forward to adult life rather than enjoying being in the moment!

Well yes, mine are at private school too. That's why the cinema (god I'm bored of this!) is actually quite relevant as it's just about the only local facility for children we do use.

R4S - thank you. I am sorry you have to live in such a dangerous area - and I understand why you wouldn't want your children of any age to go anywhere unaccompanied.

I am a stuck record, yes. That is because I feel this is an INCREDIBLY important point. There are areas, like poor R4Ss', where it wouldn't be wise to let children go out
unaccompanied - but that would apply to any age.

This thread is about a blanket decision that 9/10 is too young IN ANY CIRCUMSTANCES for children to go to the cinema on their own. And that has been the position taken by, I think, the majority of posters. The reason I keep hammering away at the dangers of riding is that in most parts of the country it is infinitely safer to go to the cinema than to go riding, but people are horrified by one but not the other. I suspect that is the case statistically in R4S's case too - but I can completely understand her position, now she has explained it.

Children's lives are being circumscribed and restricted because of completely imaginary fears fuelled by the media, and it's not fair. There is a poster on here (not on this thread) who won't let her dc join the Scouts because of her concerns about paedophiles. And she is not alone. Our children deserve better than to grow up suspicious of other humans. They need to learn to face the world confidently, to trust themselves and to be self-reliant. And to have adventures. And to know what it's like to be UNOBSERVED!

Rant over.

I certainly would not flame either of you for sending your children to private school if you live in very unsafe areas!

We live in a quiet country town and I have no problem with my 9 year old doing this. Nor with my 11 year old going entirely unaccompanied to cinema, pool, shopping in town with her friends. I can't see how this translates into them having 'nothing to look forward to' later on. They will have lots of things to look forward to - gaining independence on a gradual basis means exactly that. But when they want to go to a music festival at 16, hopefully they will have the skills to cope with it.
I agree that it depends on where you live though - but your area sounds like an unusually difficult environment, reach4sky.

I really agree with you Seeker. I guess that's why I am so sensitive about this whole issue as I go out of my way to let my children have independence and freedom away from adults wherever possible but I find it really hard in an urban environment. We currently have two yellow police signs between our house and the 100 yards to the bus stop - one for rape and one for a "Hate crime". Gah!

I am also v big on a rational calculation of risk. Drives me nuts that people seem to worry more about abduction than a car accident.